Mad About You
by sassaricando
Summary: Regina was mad at her mother, so she made alliance with the Mad Hatter. Emma was confused after confronting Neal and chose to run back to Storybrooke (to apologize to Regina after calling her a murderer). Henry was anxious with his new operation (his mothers needed him after all). Grace was happy. And Cora was... trying to help? Mad Queen friendship and eventual Swan Queen.
1. So much for my happy ending

**Summary: **Regina found out that Cora was making deals with Rumple to have her back and instantly she knew that her mother was up to no good. So she drew a plan: she would ask (or harass if necessary) another hat from Jefferson to lock both of them along with the traitor Hook in another world far from this. Emma was pissed after knowing that Neal was Mr. Gold's son and ran back to Storybrooke to try and sort her feeling about it and to get back on better terms with the Evil Queen - for the sake of her kid, of course. Okay, as better as the terms could go for both of them because she still owned the brunette an apology. But that was until she saw Regina Mills waltzing around with motherfucker Jefferson. So yeah, she would apologize to the older woman, but not before breaking the bastard's nose, that's for sure!

Well, I'm used to write in Portuguese and mostly about Glee. So yeah, surprise surprise! Obviously, you'll find some mistakes seeing that English is not my mother language and all that jazz. But hopefully I won't creep you out that much. I could use a Beta, if someone is feeling bold enough for this just PM me. Reviews are always loved and appreciated and I can do any kind of criticism, just please let my mother out of this.

**Disclaimer:Just l****ike Whitney Houston, I have nothing.**

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The evening was a normal one in his house in the middle of the Forest. He and his beloved daughter were playing whichever games she would think of and Jefferson could not be happier than he was at that moment. That was until someone knocked on his door rather demanding. His daughter, Grace, immediately looked at his face with something like amusement on her features. He, on the other hand, got extremely anxious because this could mean only two people: the difficult and scaring blonde sheriff – that women is well known by her lack of filter and her incredible ability to step on others business and not giving a damn about it. Or, and God forbid such disgrace, it could only mean that the Evil Queen was back with her impossible threats. He sighed. It was like choosing between bad and worse. And it was such a lovely Sunday…

"Darling, why don't you go play in your room?" Every ounce of pain could (and if he was right about Regina Mills being behind his door, it possibly would) be inflicted on him – he saw it coming and people here in this world would call it payback – but never again on his daughter, not until his last breath.

"But daddy, it could be a friend to play with us." Grace pouted and he gritted his teeth going for a smile at her innocence (which could not be accomplished for obvious reasons and he wasn't that good of an actor). Because if he was honest to himself, he didn't have any friends and his only two possible visitors would likely play with his head on a string (the blond woman who knew no boundaries when it comes to threats and violence), or perhaps his heart would be on a silver and well cleaned plate (the former Mayor was a bit of anal retentive, he could say so). So yeah, this game wouldn't be very pleasant for him in the end. But the little pout on his princess face and another (and louder) knock on his door told him that no, he didn't have a way out of it and probably his happiness lasted long enough. He sighed again, defeated, motherfucker Rumplestiltskin and his fucked up deals. Why didn't he leave Regina alone instead of turning her on this freaking controlling evil bitch? And people still called him the mad one.

On trembling legs, he managed to walk to the door and took a very long (and last) gulp of air; it was Regina on the other side of the door anyway (like he presumed), he wouldn't live to breath this deeply again. Of course, after he opened the door, the brunette completely ignored his presence and went waltzing through his living room like the queen she once was. Oh joy!

"Regina? It is nice to see you!" Grace, obviously, grinned and politely greeted his murderer with such happiness that he got dizzy. Oh God, the Evil Queen could at least spare his little child as his last wish. His kid had nothing to do with their messed up relationship anyway. Beating wildly against his chest, his heart almost stopped (it would be a shame for the Evil Queen if he died of a heart attack before she wickedly tore it out of his chest, he smiled to himself, small victories at last) when said woman got on her knees in front of his baby.

"Why, it is lovely to see you, too, Grace. You are even more beautiful than I remember." The former Mayor said smiling so sincerely that he was positive about his heart attack and pointed insanity. Not that he ever heard about people losing their minds before it happened, but he was called mad anyway, the effects on him must be different. Shaking his head to try and get out of his dark fate, he concentrated on the scene happening in front of his eyes: Regina Mills was still kneeling and extended her hand to greet Grace and was still smiling at his little girl. "How are you on this very nice evening?" The woman was engrossed on her conversation with his daughter and completely disregarded him, still standing on the foyer like some old and cold furniture.

"I am fine, thank you! And daddy and I were playing some board games and I was winning." She had such an amazing smile that his heart hurt. Well, at least it wouldn't be hurting for long since he was about to lose it. The Evil Queen laughed as if she was used to it, so God helped him, the hell just broke loose. But even so, in his last minutes of life, he got ashamed of himself and overall guilty; he was still partly responsible for the fact that Regina didn't smile anymore and she should be doing it because it was a beautiful sound, as beautiful as his Grace's laugh. "Do you want to play with us, Gina?" That was it; he would be disembodied in the worst way ever known to mankind. How come he could survive when his daughter called the Evil Queen 'Gina'? That must be a bad dream; a really, really bad one. Gasping like a dying fish, Jefferson looked at said 'Gina' and the woman was smiling so softly with so much care that he got it now, he lost his mind – again.

"Well, Grace, could we play another day? I have some matters to talk about with your father, if you don't mind." Oh, there she is! Threatening him like the normal days. At least he would die sane. Ok, 'sane' is stretching it to no end, but as healthy as he could be. Grace only nodded and kept her smile to the beautiful assassin on his living room. The brunette smiled lovingly again and stood up. This was it, his last minute of life.

"Okay, so you can talk to daddy and then we can play some? " His child asked with such trust and a glint of happiness in her eyes that another wave of guilty almost drowned him; he would not live to play with her after his 'matters' with Regina Mills. Payback is a filthy bitch.

"You got yourself a deal, Miss Grace." To complete his surprise, the woman shook his daughter hand, smiled and nodded. Could it be that he would live to see Regina playing with his daughter? It is better not to hope that much, so he shook his head, knelt on the floor and opened his arms to give his daughter a tight (and perhaps last) hug very much appreciated and returned by his little lady. With tears in his eyes, he kissed his baby's forehead and messed up with her hair.

Rolling her eyes to the scene, Regina checked on her nails. These people surely had a thing for dramatics, no surprise they were always babbling about their oh so unfair life. Thinking a little harder about it, she was the cursed one, because living with those peasants was worse than an eternity rooting in hell. How could she be so naïve to agree with Rumple's plan was beyond her, his curse was a blessing to these detestable people who still could walk around and talk nonsense. If they at least were turned into trees, they could serve to ornament _her _city and that would be a little less unfortunate. But since when things are on her side? No, she could not be happy in any realms it seems. Back in the Enchanted Forest, she should suffer seeing that repugnant woman who couldn't hold her vile tongue inside her motor mouth to save her miserable life being happy with that poor excuse for a prince as if they had any right to do so. And here, if those two inopportune souls being all over each other like animals wasn't enough, she still had to deal with their despicable daughter who had no education whatsoever walking around _her _town like the God's gift to humanity. Swan was even worse than her insufferable parents because as lucky ad Regina was, the blond nightmare still hold each and every ounce of their disgraceful traits. And not even hinting on the fact that this bothersome woman stole _her _son! Or when the insane Sheriff would make sure to believe her only to let her down – another one of her shameful mother's trait – and said blasted woman still managed to turn her once lovely son against her. So yes, Rumplestiltskin could consider himself a lucky creepy seeing as that nasty man was still alive and making alliance with her crazy mother. But that would be the end of it; oh they will see what comes now.

"Er, Regina?" Jefferson somehow whispered her name. Good, she would need his help to throw her dearly mother and that sick man (even more now that his Belle lost her sanity, not that the girl had a healthy mind to begin with, one must be utter disgraced or purely mad to fall in love with that sinful bastard) back to hell. Both of them could share their love and craziness in another world. Rumplestiltskin and the Queen of Hearts: a match made in dark hell. Regina smiled to her plan and turned to look at an unhealthy pale Mad Hatter. Yes, he owned her, so he better be good.

"You are going to create a hat, Jefferson, and we are sending Cora, Rumplestiltskin and Hook out of here." She said out of emotion and the man only looked at her like she was the main attraction in a circus act. Yes, he liked those people as much as her, but there was no way to create a magic hat to lock them out, he would need amounts of magic that he didn't have and a great time to work on it. "The first two are working together on something against me and my son and Hook must learn his lesson to never cross my path again. And you know how Rumple got after his dearly Belle lost her last grip on her sanity, so don't put it past him to destroy this town. And you know my mother almost as good as I do." After some time, the woman completed and with that, squeezed the little color out of Jefferson's face. Fucking hell! If Cora and Rumple start plotting and using magic again, this city and probably the whole state would cease to exist. He gulped in fear; his Sunday was too good to be true.

"I can't, Regina, I don't have enough magic nor we have enough time." He threw himself on his couch and took his head on his hands. Fuck, fuck, fuck! What would they do?

"I have enough magic, Jefferson, you must only figure out how to make a hat and I will do the rest." She said walking to the window and gazing randomly out of it like a lost child. Yes, he may have screwed her (in more ways than one) back in the past, but he still cared for her. Perhaps because of it. And no, that trick she did back with Grace wasn't a nice one and leaving him behind with bitch Cora was plain evil, but he knew she was desperate, much like him. They were very much alike, that was the truth. He lost his wife and his daughter and she lost her True Love (because her mother is… well, a crazy whore) and her son to her enemy's daughter. Yes, both of them were fucked up to high levels and they did unspeakable things in their past, but now they have something to fight for – to die for. And that's what they would do, fight to their last breath for their kids.

After making up his mind, Jefferson walked and stopped behind the misunderstood Queen. She never had anyone for her, no love, no mother, an incapable father, and everyone who passed in her life betrayed her, much like him. And he truly confide in his daughter's judgment and if Grace thought that Regina deserved to be her adult friend, Jefferson was all for it. He put his hand on her shoulder and gently turned her to him. Her expression was so mixed that he could only see the despair and the fear in the once fearless queen's eyes, so he hugged Regina. Or tried to – she was still Regina after all. But he didn't let go for the moment and passed his hands on her hair, trying to calm the tempestuous woman. He could do this and he would. He would be her first friend.

"You have my word, Regina. They are not going to put a finger on Henry's nor Grace's hair, I would die before that." That was his way to offer his friendship and the only manner for the woman to open up enough to accept something. That got her inquiring gaze, always searching for some lie or manipulation underneath (yes, after the fucked up downfall, she was the first person to disguise people by their eyes. Well, she and the troublesome sheriff, that is), but he was being honest with her and his heart, so she sighed and nodded. And accept she did, even his embrace she managed to return which filled the man with happiness. Okay, it was not the tightest or the warmest hug he ever received, but coming from Regina, this was the best he could ever get. After some moment, the brunette let go of that awkward demonstration of affection (she was never good at it) and looked at him straight into his soul. "So now, my Queen, what is the plan?" Bowing like one of her guards, he asked truthfully and Regina arched one eyebrow. What she had to say was really demanding of her, but they must trust each other for her plan to work, for the safety of their kids.

"I forgive you, Jefferson. But do not try to play with me again, am I clear?" She asked in her most reproachful voice (not that she had any other) and the subject was left unsaid and still spoke volumes: _Daniel._ Looking at her a little disturbed with the outcome of the conversation, the Mad Hatter only nodded his head in agreement. "And I am sorry for everything I did to you out of vengeance." That's it. Jefferson smiled truly happy because Regina managed to apologize and the world must be reaching its end, he was sure of it. Well, it could be because of their incoming final battle.

"And I forgive you too, Regina." He was talking about Grace and to his endless surprise, Regina Mills looked ashamed and nodded, too. Grinning like the Cheshire Cat (perhaps the fucker was here too?), he knelt on the floor again and batted his eyelashes. Regina, of course, rolled her eyes and smiled (obviously that was not the normal part) to his astonishment. Yeah, that Sunday was a crazy rollercoaster. She sighed and moved her right hand indicating that he could stand up. Which he did, smiling a little too much for Regina's comfort. But she ignored it for the sake of their plan. Because they knew that it was only the beginning of a not so cheerful road and there would be a lot of work to do. She got her magic on a whole new level after helping that distasteful family back from La La Land and absorbing the fairies' magic, so it would be really difficult to tune her new powers. He got to make another special hat after so much time and failed attempts. She got a partner to help (not that she needed anyway) with her plan. He got a friend. "So, what about a coffee?" Jefferson decided to push his luck and she sighed. What is the problem with those people and boundaries?

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"Come on, mom! I am going to be late to school!" Henry put me out of my reverie once again. These past events were a walk in burning hell and I couldn't be hold responsible for the fact that I still couldn't sleep because of them. Okay, recapping: Fucking Cora came to town, Regina is probably making my voodoo doll by now because I blamed her for the murder of not-so-dead-anymore Archie and I just got back from an awkward trip with Mr. Gold to get his unlucky son back. Of course, seeing that we are talking about my fucking life, the bastard could only be Neal. I should have known that a guy who framed his girlfriend and left her pregnant in jail could only be Mr. Gold's spawn. And the motherfucker even had the audacity to apologize and try to woo me back! He should call himself a luck bitch because I didn't shoot him on his brainless head. It reminds me of something someone said about the apple never falling far from the tree. It was probably Regina who said that.

"Since when you like going to school, kid?" If I recall well enough, he was the one who skipped classes to plot about a master plan to save these fairytale people from their unfair life. Those guys should be happy and thankful that Regina didn't curse them to some city in Gaza, things can always be worse. Anyway, it is not like that Forest was such a happy place; they didn't have McDonald's or whiskey, for God's sake! And okay, this thing about not having a happy ending bullshit must be hard on them, but I wouldn't trade this world to be riding horses in the sun or living without TV anytime soon.

"Emma!" Henry yelled again and I tried to give him my very nasty look, one that can't even be compared to the one he was giving me back. Fucking hell, the kid is a mini Regina! "So, you were talking about your trip with Mr. Gold and we were ordering our hot cocoas." Yes, God bless my life if I have to deal with two Reginas, my bad luck runs even deeper than I thought. Not one to like waiting, 'Reginenry' tapped his foot on the Granny's floor and crossed his arms. I sighed, defeated – again. But God must have heard my pray for the very first time and Ruby came trotting with our cocoas and a smile on her face. I smile back and was preparing to thank her for being so considerate when I followed her gaze to the door. First: no, that smile wasn't for me – of course, but second and more important: she was happily looking at our own walking Stockholm Syndrome's description. I mean, she was before she changed her role and fell into her new amnesia-ed self. Now I understood Regina, this girl must have been bat-shit crazy to fall in love with Mr. Weirdo and was probably a threat to herself and others, that explains her being locked like a psycho for twenty eight years. Or Regina was just being her usual evil bitch persona. Anyway, Belle smiled back and Ruby got as red as her riding hood. Well, that's new! "So! You were talking…" 'Henryna' decided to uncross his arms and make music beat with his hands on the Granny's table (he was still tapping his foot for obvious purposes). The kid could definitely play drums, I smiled to myself. He buffed. I sighed. Yes, my kid was a cross between Regina and I and had nothing to remind me of Neal – and that's a win. It was a sigh to be seen, how our traits could mix so well. Of course, he wasn't an evil bitch and thankfully he was a very young and charming (yes, pun indeed) gentleman. The evil lady raised him so damn good that I should probably spend my life thanking her – when we won't be insulting each other, that is.

"Well, kid, I told you, Mr. Gold got his son back and they lived happily ever after." I said after taking a sip of my hot chocolate with cinnamon and he, as I should have known, just glared at me like his mother would. I'm lucky he doesn't have magic (or so I hope), because the intensity of his glare was all Regina and I am sure as hell that this glare of hers could turn me into a flaming torch. But enough about her.

"Yes, I remember, but aren't they back yet?" I cringed at the memory, my hand was still hurting from the contact with Neal's shameless face – he asked for it, I swear! But lucky me, his old imp father dearly didn't have magic there or I wouldn't be here to feel any pain. And another score for Emma Swan was the fucker's broken nose. Yeah, life was still worth living.

"Er, no… He had a problem and had to go to the hospital with Mr. Gold." It wasn't a lie per se, but the kid gave me another one of Regina's special glare. I sighed again; if he was expecting me to tell him that Mr. Creepy was his grandfather as well, he will be spend his whole life waiting. This must say something about me: there are so many motherfuckers in this world and I should spread my legs to that son of a bitch. Hopefully it is not late to practice celibacy; Lord knows who my next bed partner could be. Okay, celibacy is a really long shot for me (I couldn't even if I wanted to) and it is not like I could find a worse sex partner than him. There weren't many people around who were bad enough for me to jump in bed with. Okay there was only one person…

"Regina?" What the fuck?! I looked at Ruby with hard eyes because if she thought that it was nice to share my personal thoughts with everyone, she was damn wrong! And wait, did she just call me a lesbian whore? Because it definitely sounds like- "Hello, can I help you two?" What?! Was she trying to play matchmaker or did she lost her mind just like Belle?! Oh, but she must have a really nice explanation for it. So, with my mind made up, I got up and walked to where she was because there was no way in hell that she would say that stuff and I would just let it pass. I was glaring so hard at her skull that I didn't have time to notice the two people sitting _to-ge-ther_ on the table. So when the she-wolf walked away, I nearly had a heart attack.

"What the fuck?!" Yeah, if the diner weren't paying enough attention to you, Swan, now they definitely were. Oh well, they could go screw themselves for all I care! The woman sighed as if I was a bug interrupting her fucking romantic date! To hell with it! She will answer me and will do it _now._

"Always so polite, Miss Swan." Regina said and didn't even glare at me. No! She turned to look at the son of a bitch smiling like he was happy at her side. What were both of them doing together?! I bet they were plotting a mad evil plan to destroy everyone and take the world. Oh but they would do it over my dead body! "Could you please watch your language? There are kids around." With that, she looked at the motherfucker's daughter (yeah, the girl couldn't be blamed for her fucking dad) with an easy smile on her lips. What this woman thought she was doing?!

"What are you doing here?" I asked through gritted teeth because this woman… Argh! And she was still smiling to son of a bitch's daughter like they had any kind of relationship. And said fucker was also showing his teeth (and he would not hold onto those for long if I have a say in it) with a smug face to both of them. Mommy of the year just sighed again and turned to look at me. Yeah, this is way better. I hate to talk to people when they are looking around, it isn't polite.

"Ordering coffee. And here I was guessing that even you could imagine that despite your lack of brain, Miss Swan." The bastard started to laugh of Regina's remark like she was the funniest person walking on this fucked up world and I closed my hands into fists. The son of a bitch must have been sitting near the window just to fuck me up even more. Now I had to climb this goddamn table to punch his smile-y face. Fuck it! It would worth the trouble.

"Mom?" When I was starting to plan my assault, Henry came behind me and pulled me out of my mission. See? He is totally Regina's son. He sabotaged my plan just like his mother screwed my life. Beside the fact that I was shaking with angriness, Regina looked at him and smiled really happy and suave. Henry did the same and threw himself into her embrace. The traitor! I glared at him with all I had, just so he knew that talking to the fucker would end up on a really serious conversation. "Hey! I'm so sorry, mom! I should have talk to you sooner and…" Henry was apologizing and I presumed it was about the blame on Regina's fiasco. And I still must do the same.

"Sh, it is okay, son, I understand you and we call talk about it later." If anyone risked a glance at the display, they would never tell that they were cursed by this loving woman. She was so engrossed kissing and hugging _my _son on her lap that she forgot about me and the bloody bastard sitting there like a clown. Henry smiled full of happiness and looked at Grace offering his hand like the gentleman he is. The girl blushed (what the fuck is going on? Did someone cast a love spell in the air or something? Surely it was the sick jerk, just to have Regina for himself. Not that I have anything to do with her sex life, but she could have chosen better! This guy is a creepy crap. I bet he was bad in bed, this fucker!) and extended her hand murmuring something like 'it is good to see you, Hen'. And well, my son… he was already blushing enough to make the Devil jealous. Dearly mom just smiled at him and offered a chair. "Would you like to sit with us?" Obviously she asked him! The traitor just nodded. Oh, but he will be in so much trouble! His evil and rude mother just kept her sweet smile (yes, this woman could lighten up the whole Storybrooke only smiling, it is a shame that she was not used to this somber and shameful thing) and something in my heart just tugged at the scene. They were happy – even Henry that was almost stabbing me with his butter knife earlier because he didn't do waiting – and… Well, don't mind me! I rather be standing here looking stupid! I buffed and was turning to leave when I heard a very familiar (and always irritated) sigh. "Miss Swan, would you like to sit with us?" You may believe it or not, but it was definitely Regina who asked me this. Of course, the first thing on my mind was 'if you insist', but taking another look at the table and seeing that the woman wasn't even looking at me (which got me on a bad trip again. She was Regina, for fuck's sake! She was always glaring at me and insulting me and invading my personal space with whatever sort of threats) just got me very self-conscious (if she was the other Regina, she would probably say that it was a surprise that I knew such an unused word), so I just shook my head. She didn't see it because she was busy smiling at Henry. Speaking of him, he looked at me and smiled slightly turning to the smiling fucker. Oh no, this son of a bitch won't be alone with my son – okay, Regina was there and she would probably kick his sorry ass if he tried something with our kid; but on the same page, she may be being manipulated by him, so I couldn't risk it.

"Yes, I would love to, Regina." After a gulp of air, I fixed myself as best as I could and smiled to Henry, who beamed back. Said woman just nodded her head (and it reminds me that I have to apologize to her soon or heavens help me) and Grace was smiling too (surely the girl was totally her mother), her fucker father grinned even more and I narrowed my eyes at him to no avail; he just giggled like a school girl. How the fuck could Regina be with this stupid ass? The brunette, of course, was rather disturbed by such crazy man – how could she not? But then again, he was the Mad Hatter; of course he would be a crazy dumbass. Knowing that, the former Evil Queen just sighed defeated (see? He is no match for her!).

"So, what will we talk about?" That was our son trying to break the ice and he got all of us looking at each other. This was until son of a bitch put his filthy hand on top of Regina's and I had to control myself to not break this fucker's neck.

"What about we start talking about personal space?" I growled before I could hold myself together and the crazy motherfucker just smiled just to push my buttons.

"And since when you know something about it to add to this important conversation, Miss Swan?" What?! What was she talking about? At least she took her hand out of the mad freak's reach, which was a point for me. But her eyes were so blank and dangerous that I finally got the meaning behind this new behavior: she was feeling betrayed and alone and that's why she went to this dumbass in the first place. So yeah, it was my entire fault and I was as ashamed as one could get, so I just hung my head down and took a deep breath. I so _had _to apologize to her because I was feeling like an ass too and she didn't deserve that. But that fucking giggle coming from the bastard's mouth was really driving me insane. I was angry enough to grit my teeth at him and he was still beaming at her – motherfucker! Looking at Regina, she was wearing an amused face and yes, she was still sad, but something was different (starting with the fact that she was looking at me like she always did, good point), she was trying to read my expression with everything on her. The fucker's laugh ended our moment and she just looked at him like the mad ass that he is. So yeah, I will apologize to her, but I'll save it for when I break his nose!

"Mom, can you give me a ride to school?" Henry called my attention and I turned to look at him but this 'mom' wasn't me and said woman was as surprised as I was. Her surprise was very short because another bright smile almost broke her face in two (which would be a shame) and she nodded honestly. That was until she remembered something and got a doubtful expression on her face. Of course, she should most likely be thinking about asking for my permission – and I would give it to her, anyway. It is not like I was trying to keep her away of Hen-

"Of course, Henry, the only problem is that I'm riding with Jefferson and didn't bring my car." She was what?!

"What?!" My mouth always had a mind of its own.

"Of course you can, Henry! You could go talking with Grace, is that okay?" The crazy motherfucker was now getting into my relationship with my son. How dare him?!

"Absolutely not!" I said crossing my arms but my traitor kid was already getting ready to go with that shameless man. On a jump, I was standing and knocking my chair back, throwing daggers at the man whore. As you could have presumed, he was still smiling (as if he had any reason to be happy) and the kids were looking at me like I had two heads. Those fairytale stories do no good to the children's minds. To my utter surprise, Regina was still looking at me searching for something and wore a lovely scowl on her face. What is up with this Monday? Henry, sensing that he should not go near this mad man, came behind me and gave me a huge hug while I was still looking at the crazy bastard like a hawk.

"Ma, I will see you later! You can come after school." Wait a minute, what?! He can't be serious if he is thinking that he will just go with the dark couple! I will not allow-

"Thank you for letting him, Miss Swan. Have a nice day." Regina's soothing voice cut my thoughts again and I looked at her, just to see a small and honest smile on her face. She was pretty when she smiled. I will give her that. Before my motor mouth could answer back, she had already turned with Henry and was walking out of the diner. She was dressed as good as always and I don't know how that woman could rock those old ladies' outfits but she sure as hell did it better than anyone. Especially these pencil skirts with a nice white button blouse and her trademark blazer. She had a lovely back, too. Not that I was staring at it, I was just admiring a nice-

"Hey, Ems!" Ruby almost gave me a heart attack materializing herself by my side. Not content with scaring the living hell out of me, she gave me an evil and hungry smirk. "Did you see them?" She nodded towards the fantastic four and I nodded in response. "Yeah, they make a rather pretty couple, right?" Of course not!

"I don't think they-" I stared my answer rolling my eyes at her dull comment, but she beat me at it – again.

"Of course they are a couple, Em! The only question is: do you think they are doing it yet?" What the fuck?! They were not a couple! Regina would never fall for someone as vanilla and creepy as the motherfucker! "Just look at them, Em, they can't even hide it!" With that, Ruby nodded yet again to that fucker putting his creepy and disrespectful hand on Regina's low back (so bitch had no respect for the children!) and closing the door of his crappy car probably trying to trick Regina into thinking that he was a gentleman, all the while smiling on his drugged high state. I will destroy him! "Yep, they are totally doing the dirty!" I turned to look at Ruby with a horrified and disgusted look on my face. She must have lost her mind. "What is up with your face, Swan? You look like you just swallowed a steak knife. Dear lord!" With that, she went to finally do her job instead of gossiping about this son of a bitch sleeping with Regina. Pff! Obviously she wouldn't go as low as having sex with this fucker. She wouldn't, right? She can't be doing this, he is no good!

Argh! I better go to work and forget about this awful scene. Obviously I was just trying to protect my son! Henry couldn't be around people like him, the man was a train wreck. And after that I will do something good with my morning. Something like loading my gun for when I pick Henry up and see the son of a bitch again. Only then I will apologize to Regina; after I shoot him and hide his body. It would be only fair.

What a fucking Monday!


	2. Sorry seems to be the hardest word

**A/N: **Hey, guys! Sorry about about the delay. In fact, I was going to post it yesterday but drunk and uninvited people have a thing for showing at my doorsteps, so...

Thank you all for the reviews. And yeah, this crap isn't going to be angsty (except for Emma's colorful language, that is), but it will reach the M rating, you just have to patient with me. So, answering: yep, Emma's going to break many things (including someone's nose) because denial is a bitch.

Well, this is it! Thank you all again and don't be shy to share your opinions (even it they're bad) because I'm kinda writing this for you. In another words, please do review.

**The mistakes are the only thing I own here.**

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The ride to school was a very easy one to most of them. Well, except for Regina. And it had nothing to do with the fact that the kids were talking endlessly and about every single thing that their minds could come up with. No, it was rather pleasant to see her son being so free around her. It felt exactly like the old times. Even Jefferson growling songs and smirking like the new Steven Tyler hadn't bothered her – no, he couldn't be the next pop star and should just use his terrible voice to only talking (it was bad enough doing so and unfortunately it couldn't be helped), but it stole a laugh or two from her Henry, so the shameless man was instantly forgiven. No, the ride was an amusing one; however her temper was shaken because of the pathetic blonde, yet again (there was nothing new about the woman ruining her life anymore). And it was not like she cared about the disgraceful sheriff, because she honestly didn't. Except that today Swan was even madder and ridiculous than ever before. Regina sighed. It is not like she was endurable all along; but now the depraved woman must have embraced her mental illness with all she had – being the Charming's spawn was enough of a curse alone and along with their despicable traits, the blond must have inherited their psychosis – since her behavior at the diner was a very obnoxious one (more than ever). Well, that was not her problem and as long as said distasteful being wasn't harming or scarring Henry, the sheriff could go suffer in hell (and if she took her repulsive parents with her, well, that would be a huge plus). Regina sighed - again, even after all she went through, that insubordinate blonde still manage to destroy her happy morning mood.

"Mom, are you okay?" Her beloved Henry saved Regina from her revolting thoughts regarding the blond delinquent and for that the former mayor was grateful. Well, who was she kidding? The brunette was ecstatic, thrilled even, that her son seemed to be bonding with her again. So she beamed (yes, she was able of such thing) back to him, burying the nauseating thoughts of the annoying blonde (sadly she couldn't bury the woman herself) on the deepest and darkest corner of her mind.

"Yes, son, I am more than okay. Thank you." After hearing her response, Henry smiled and nodded getting back to his cheerful and talkative self. He and Grace were talking about some kind of game and she kept smiling at the children. Out of the corner of her eye Regina could see Jefferson smiling tenderly at her as if he knew exactly why she was feeling such bliss – and he did know. She gave him a small nod back and smiled a little – what could she do beside of being happy?

"I spy with my little eye a school right down the street." Jefferson, tired of destroying all of the old Aerosmith's songs, decided that her peace of mind lasted long enough. But she excused the man – once again – because the children stopped talking and turned back to them like they were under a spell and that was a subject she got a PhD in.

"No, daddy! This is not how we play!" Grace grunted from the backseat of the car and Regina couldn't tell if it was due the fact that they were almost at school, or if the girl was just displeased that her mad father had a thing for messing up with everything.

"Yeah, you are cheating, Jefferson!" Henry got on the choir to complain about the crazy joker's lack of brain and the man just laughed, much to the kids' chagrin. Regina was somehow amused and laughed with her foolish partner in crime – and that action alone got everyone to shut up. Feeling a little self-conscious, she just cleared her throat. Well, Regina thought after seeing Henry's kind (and somehow shocked) smile, she could use this little information to herself: every time she gets tired of people talking around her (possibly Swan and her outrageous family, they did have a thing for running their mouths after all), the Evil Queen could laugh and end up with all the blabbering. Of course, people would probably say that she lost her mind, but that was a small price to pay for her peace. And it wasn't like she hadn't heard worse before.

"Yeah, well, we're here anyway, so you both can teach me this game after class." Jefferson gave them his best crooked smile and scratched his neck (amused or ashamed, Regina would never know) after stopping his car in the parking lot. The kids all but flew out of the door yelling something at both adults. Was that a goodbye? Jefferson and Regina looked at each other and the man shrugged his shoulders. "Well, that was fun…" Of course Queen Regina just rolled her eyes at him and got out of the car with all of her royal breeding (yes, her mother was also a royal bitch, but she did teach her well enough. Perhaps too well). Her new shadow jumped off the car right after her and walked by her side. "Regina, I will have a talk with Henry, could you wait for me?" He said not waiting around to face her blazing glare and jogged to the child, leaving an angry brunette to glare daggers at his thick skull. She sighed. First is Swan chasing her Henry down like a sociopath, now mad Jefferson is running after her son like a man on a mission.

Okay, she was trying to be a better person – for Henry's sake – and she should start practicing some patience (much to her annoyance) instead of throwing fireballs at the school. She could do this. For her son.

* * *

"Hey, Henry!" Yes, Jefferson needed to practice more exercise. Or that, or Regina's kid was almost as good as his birth mother in the matters of running away. It was probably the first option, seeing that Henry still had tiny legs. The boy turned around with wide eyes. Yup, he forgot to kiss his mom goodbye and Regina must have threatened Jefferson to tackle him down because of it. But so, when he opened his mouth to apologize, the Mad Hatter cut him on it and smiled his crooked smile once again. Was it possible that this dude was dating his mom? Because there were enough clues to convince the boy about it. One: Jefferson was smiling more often than ever (yeah, the kid knew that the man could just be happy about having his daughter back, but Henry was on a mission, so he would discard this little fact) and even the former Evil Queen was laughing. Surely, something was going on between the two of them (three of them if he included Emma, who was acting like a psycho since this morning at the diner). So yeah, he would figure everything out in his new operation. Well, he must think about a name. What would Emma suggest? "Hey, could we talk really fast? Your mom is waiting and you know her, If I leave her waiting for too long, I'll probably go walking back home." Henry narrowed his eyes: so now he would pay attention to everything this man did in regards of his mother (she may have been the Evil Queen and may even have cursed all of these people, but she was still his mother and he wouldn't let any creepy take advantage of her). Jefferson, obviously caught the fire behind the boy's eyes and sighed. First is the sheriff almost ripping his head (again) just because he was sitting with Regina; now Henry is giving him very nasty looks (on another page: he was really glad that Grace was old enough and had a really loving personality, because now that he and Regina were going to spend more time together, Lord help him if the brunette rubbed on his daughter too! He had already suffered enough, thank you very much). So the man cleared his throat. "Well, I would like to talk to you about Regina, can you?"

"What about mom?" Now the kid's eyes were almost closed with such strength he put on the action of constricting them. Oh well, it is now or never.

"Okay, so let's sit, please." If the boy was trying to be intimidating, Jefferson would treat him like a little gentleman. And that seemed to be the right move because Henry did as he was told. So far so good. "Well, we all know now about Regina being the Evil Queen, so this bridge was burned, right?" He smiled a little too nervously for Henry's liking (and if he had asked Regina about how to approach her kid, that would be something she would prevent him from doing) and the boy just crossed his arms to look at him. Now, now Jefferson was pretty fucked: he took a child with Emma's violent traits and Regina's borderline impatient, oh such a gift!

"What are you trying to say?" The man started to look around for former mayor but the voice was coming from her son. From her not so happy or patient at all son. Yeah, pretty fucked indeed. He cleared his throat – again. On the bright side, he most definitely wouldn't be catching a cold anytime soon, now he knew that even after losing his head (quite literally), he had a very healthy throat – thank God.

"So, I'm telling you this because I really care about your mom, okay?" He waited for a response. He got none. "I know that you don't trust her yet and you have your motives, Henry, but I want you to know the other side of this story as well before you make up your mind, okay?" Now he got a cutting nod in response. Well, that was better. "I've known your mother for quite some time and she wasn't like this. Not at all. She was very sweet and deeply in love with some guy back-"

"You mean Daniel, right?" Henry interrupted him and Jefferson nodded. At least the boy knew something, it was a beginning.

"Yeah, that was her true love. You know what happened to him?" He looked around some more. If Regina was in listening distance… Well, she would definitely drop all of her redeeming new self and probably would take his heart along with his tongue. Yeah, all clear and not a sight of her.

"He died?" Henry asked unsure of himself. Yes, he heard this story once, but there wasn't much about it on his fairytale book, so he could only guess. Jefferson inhaled deeply and nodded once more. This was going to get nasty really soon.

"Yes. He was murdered in fact. Cora killed him in front of Regina." He heard a gasp and looked at the kid in front of him, but Henry was just trying to find his mom with his eyes. With his tearful eyes. He felt like a jerk. He probably was one. So he sighed. "Do you want to hear the rest, Henry?" Yeah, he was a dumbass for sure, but he was also a father and wouldn't push the boy's limits if he wasn't prepared to listen (he was Emma's and Regina's son after all, God knows what both women would do to him if he scared their kid). Henry just nodded and Jefferson smiled sadly at him. "I'm telling you this, Henry, because your mother is trying her best to be better for and to you. You must understand this, okay?" Henry, still fighting with his tears, agreed with the man. "Her mother, Cora… well, she was a fucking bitch and-"

"Language, Jefferson! If my mom hears you…" He cringed. First because he was being scolded by his daughter's friend and second because the boy was right, if Regina did as much as think about this, he won't be alive to see the effects of this conversation.

"Yeah, sorry, Henry." He gave his crooked smile again. "So, back to her life, Cora was… a little too flamboyant in her raising skills and most of the time she-"

"Was a fucking bitch. I get it. And I won't say that to mom." Jefferson was glad for the interruption because he was struggling trying to find some decent words to describe that woman. There were none. Henry smiled sadly at him and he nodded.

"Yeah, thank you for that. Well, she was the one who tried to kill Snow back when your mother saved her and she was the one who forced Regina to marry Snow's father. Even after killing her love and sending her to a loveless marriage." Henry was biting his lower lip by the time the older man finished. "So yeah, she won't be winning the mother of the year prize anytime soon." He sighed again, this part was really heavy on him. "But you want to know what destroyed that lovely Regina for good?" He didn't see the boy nodding because he was too focused on his shame and had his head down. He continued anyway. "Later, after Regina used a conservation spell to keep Daniel's body from decomposing, she went to Rumplestiltskin to revive him. And you must know, Henry, that Mr. Gold may look quite inoffensive here, but he was far from it. Very far." The little boy looked really surprised and nodded, eager to know this other side of the story. "Rumple then asked me to get Dr. Frankenstein, or Dr. Whale as he is known here, to only pretend to try it for Regina. So we did it. I got the man for money and he acted as if he had failed in exchange of one of Cora's heart. Of course Daniel was still dead and that was her only and last hope. After this, you know the rest, right?" He asked even knowing the answer himself, which was a nod. "It is all so messed up that it is hard to explain, but I will try it anyway, okay?" The kid nodded once more and he took a long breath. "Cora made a deal with Rumple and gave Regina as his prize and in exchange of her daughter he had to tutor her in the dark magic because everything Cora knows about it was taught by him. But Rumple was not happy in only teaching Cora, so even after that, he went after your mother."

"Really?" The little boy was pale, as if he was getting sick. Oh fuck! If Regina comes she will blame him for his last two minutes of life. "But how do you know those things?" Henry asked somehow skeptical.

"I met Cora back at Wonderland when Regina left me there and her mother cut my head." He cringed at the memory. A very very unpleasant one.

"But why are you helping her if she betrayed you?" The boy was having a hard time believing his ears, but he knew that the man wasn't lying – he knew, as much as Emma, when someone was doing it, besides, he read the Mad Hatter's story – but still, it was kind of creepy to be hearing this from the guy.

"Yeah, she did it, but I destroyed her first. And it doesn't matter much; I'm trying to be a better guy too. So we did some pretty shitty things and now it's time to move on from this. Well, the fact that I was being used by Rumple since the beginning trigged this as well. So…" He shrugged his shoulders.

"Wait a minute. You are telling me that Mr. Gold played with all of you since the beginning?" Yeap. And he could have saved his saliva if he thought about being this blunt. Living and learning, they say. "But why?" The kid was in detective mood, if the fact that he was opening his notebook to scribe all of it was enough of of a clue. Yeah, Jefferson was walking back home. If, and only if, Regina doesn't cut his legs off first.

"He traded his son for power and lost him. So he created this curse and was too much of a coward to enact it and your mother was really powerful and had nothing to lose – we all broke her a little too much after all. She had no friends, no mother, her father didn't give a damn and her lover was dead. Most of us used her, in one way or another and that's what we got back." This bench was uncomfortable for Jefferson, but this fact didn't prevent him from turning it into his therapeutic couch. "I've lost my true love too and my daughter, but that was only my fault, you know?" No, the kid couldn't possibly know, but it was a rhetorical question anyway. "And the fact is that I got Grace back now and this made me think about Regina and I know what your mother might be feeling, Henry. It is the worst feeling ever, you know? So I kind of own her that much. For all the bad things-"

"Jefferson?" The kid put his gentle hand on Jefferson's knee, but the man was too ashamed to even look at him, let alone thank him for this small gesture.

"No, I don't deserve you to try and comfort me, buddy. I did really nasty things back-"

"You mean like making me wait for almost half an hour and keeping my son from his class, Jefferson?" Oh well, nothing could serve as a better wakeup call than hearing Regina's super calm (and really threatening) tone. He almost jumped out of his skin and looked to a strained and kind of guiltily smiling Henry. Fuck! He turned his eyes to face his death in the eyes and gulped in surprise. Yup, the woman was mad and possessed. And the funny (not at all) thing is that he was just trying to help. Such a fucker fate he had.

"Mom!" Henry threw himself at the woman and Jefferson couldn't say if it was the boy's way to save his talkative ass or if the kid really got the story and was trying to support and be better to her as well. Be as it may, he wasn't going to over think it and just got happy when he saw the woman being loving, caring and giving her son a hug. "I'm sorry, but I kept Jefferson here because we had _our _talk." The kid saved his ass once again and he tried to look sure of himself in front of the death glare that came from a confused Regina.

"Talk? What about?" Yeah, she was conflicted and a little suspicious, so she let her son go and asked the question lowering herself to his eye level. Henry crossed his arms – this boy had a future in Hollywood, Jefferson could see it now, bright and shiny.

"We were having a men talk about you two dating. He must know my opinion, mom, it is not like you have no one out there and he won't treat you bad either or I will cut him where it hurts!" The sneaky little bastard managed to threat him and sweep his mother out of her feet with this little show. Jefferson didn't even know if he was outraged, happy or scared (they were talking about Regina after all). His mother's glare was such a blazing fire that she could melt steel with it and the man just gulped.

"Did you tell my son that we were dating, Jefferson?" No, he didn't. No, they weren't.

"No, mom, he said you were just old friends, but I warmed him anyway. I am your son and I have my duties." The liar was smiling to his mother and giving him a nasty look. What the fuck is wrong with this family?!

"I see…" Was Regina's only response and that was way scarier.

"I wouldn't lie to him, Regina, but if are trying to woo me, I'm fine with it." He joked. Or that was his intention. Anyway, the look from both brunettes made him feel like he just offended Jesus (were they religious? He knew that, some time ago, Regina was adept to the dark side of the world, but she could have changed, right?) and the both of them in only one sentence. Such a crazy family was that one. Regina rolled her eyes (she was kinda used to his jokes by now) and Henry… well, the kid looked murderous, like he was trying really hard to not jump him and tore him to pieces. "Oh, well, it's better if you go to class now, Henry." He smiled nervously and got up from the bench. Surprisingly that thing wasn't glued to his ass like he presumed. Neither brunette paid him any attention and they just hugged again, ignoring his very existence. He couldn't point out with which mother the kid learned this trick, but he could say that Henry got it just right.

"But, mom, I can't go now; I have to wait fifteen minutes for this class to finish so I can get in." The pretty little liar just pouted and his mom sighed. This kid was good, Jefferson would give him that. Regina threw him a look that could only mean 'you are pretty dead for this' and he just looked around trying his best to avoid her (that woman still scared him to his bones). "So, I would like to talk to you, mom." Henry said to the woman and then turned to look at him. "Alone." The boy all but grunted in his direction and left a very confused Mad Hatter standing like a statue while he took his mom's hand and walked away.

What is the fuck with this family? Regina's crazy behavior he knew well enough and for far too long, but Henry and Emma were two mad, confusing and very much bipolar mysteries. Sighing, he threw his butt back on the bench and waited. He couldn't do more than that anyway.

* * *

"Well, what is wrong, Henry?" After being dragged by his son to a very nice place, Regina got really angst about the previous conversation between her little boy and the Mad Hatter. That man was _so_ dead. How come he could betray her like that for a second time? Just when her son was being her lovely little gentleman again… Oh, but Jefferson would suffer, she was sure of it.

"Cora is here, isn't she?" The bluntness of the question got her off guard and her body all but froze. Perhaps that was a good way to get rid of the traitor: she would freeze him and shred him to pieces. No, it wasn't painful enough for what he did. Maybe she could light the man up like a barbecue? Well, that was getting better. "I mean, I just want to tell you that I am sorry again about Archie. And I know that it was Cora because Archie told me. I'm just…" Her little gentleman just shrugged his shoulders as if it was really difficult to say that. He may be right. "I'm worried about you, mom. I know that she is bad and I will protect you, okay?" She smiled after seeing her little knight straightening his shoulders to look a little more firm in his statement. Regina lowered herself at his eye level and stroked her little boy's face with love and care.

"I will be fine, Henry, I am only worried about you, but I will not let her harm you, okay?" That was the only promise she would take to her coffin. Her son's wellbeing was her only worry in her whole life and even if she had to kill her mother with her bare hands, she would do it with no second thought.

"I know you will, mom, but we need a plan to deal with her. She may be dangerous." Her mother was definitely dangerous – among other unspeakable things – but they would cover it. If only Jefferson made a hat a little faster instead of going behind her back to put wild ideas in her son's head, then their plan would work wonderfully. But that man couldn't even do such easy task without messing with everything (that was a reminder of why she had always worked alone, people could only delay or disturb her schemes). That useless traitor! Anyway, thinking about that excuse for a knight would not help her plan either, so she sighed again. Could she talk to Henry about her plan? It was a fact that her son may share it with the worthless and troublesome White Knight and Regina had no doubt about the blonde's ability to spoil another one of her perfect plans, so it was really a lot to think about. "You know you can tell me, mom, I won't tell a soul. I promise!" Henry, as if he read her mind (her son never ceased to amaze her, such a marvelous boy! She did raise him really well. At least well enough to surpass the offending genes coming from his distasteful birth mother. It was a small victory, but one nonetheless.), asked her and Regina decided to trust her little boy once again (if that toxic woman decided to try some trick, Regina could always just tie the revolting blonde to a tree with her magic, even Henry would understand it). So she made her decision: she would confide her dandy plan to her son and hopefully some criminal mastermind would break free from Boston's imprisonment and come to ruin Storybrooke in the mean time. It wasn't a lot to ask, she knew it wasn't. Regina didn't even ask for the marginal to execute the uncanny family, surely God could make this exception; it was an extreme occasion after all. And that was the only way to keep the nosy sheriff at bay.

"Okay, Henry, but you need to promise me not to tell anyone about this. Nor Miss Swan or the two idiots, do you understand me?" She asked seriously and the grimace on her son's face wasn't lost on her. What was that about? Maybe she shouldn't share it with him and that was what he was trying to tell her…

"Yeah, mom! I cross my heart!" And he did it. Regina just smiled a little at her boy's anxiety and did as she promised herself, she trusted him once again and hopefully he could trust her in return. So she told her eleven-year-old son a plan that even she couldn't know for sure. But that's what mothers do, right? They trust and pray. Okay, she could trust Henry, but Regina won't be praying anytime soon, so this would have to work.

* * *

"_Come on, Emma! You know that I had no other choice after that guy showed me the box! You have to know it!" Oh no, I know nothing about it! This son of a bitch even had the outrage to pout! He is so very lucky for his motherfucking father… And also for Henry, because I simply can't kill the kid's sperm donator, even when he deserves so much worse… "You know I'm right, right?" No, I don't and I still don't care. It is that simple!_

"_I will tell you something, Neal, and I won't repeat myself so listen carefully. You can go fuck yourself for all I care. I'm tired of people running away and telling me that it is for my own good. So you can take all of your good intentions and shove it where the sun doesn't shine." I was breathing heavily and nose to nose with that fucker. 'Cause knowing this dumbass it was the only way to get something into his stupid head. And hey, the fact that he was scared like a little girl was something that warmed my heart a little. "I don't want to see you now or ever again! You made your choice, now live up with the consequences, you son of a bitch!" In my blazing fire, I almost lost the second that he tried to kiss me. I mean, I really lost it and only woke up from the nightmare when I found my right hand on his bitch's face._

"_What the fuck!" He even had the audacity to yell at me while he was holding his broken and bleeding nose. And that was the only good thing that I accomplished with this fucking trip._

"_You have no right to say a word or to demand something from me and if you couldn't get it before, Neal, here it goes again: I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you, I don't want to look at your face and if you pull this card of kissing me ever again, you better know that I will only stopping punching you when I feel you heart quitting function. Am I clear?" Of course the bitch couldn't respond because his nose was that nasty, but whatever. I just turned on my heels and walked out of that fucking place. Obviously, lady lucky wasn't on my side yet again (she never was and probably never will be), so his fucking creepy father was running on my way and trying to say something. "Don't. I own you nothing else, Rumple, and I'm going." Yeah, I did that 'talk to my hand' trick and just kept on walking._

"_Miss Swan, when are you going to wake-"_

"Wake up, Em! Mother of God, I know that this city is ghostly, but still! You and I have work to do." I woke up with a really hard slap on the back of my head and Ruby's voice almost screaming at me. Beautiful! It seems that I can't sleep anywhere. "Yeah, besides, it is almost time to pick up Henry at school." That did the trick and I just jumped of the chair. "Wow! Eager, aren't we?" Yeah, I ignored her again because I will not let Henry stay any second more in the presence of the crazy hatter creeper. Only over my dead body! "Can you just spy on the new happy couple for me? I really could use some gossip seeing as Regina isn't the most open-"

"They are not together!" Shamefully, I'll admit that I was screaming like a psycho and Ruby's smile was instantly gone after she saw that I wasn't in the mood to talk about that fucking man whore. "I mean, I'm just worried, okay? I know Regina would never let something happen to Henry but I don't like to see them with that _guy_." I did my best to not curse the fucker to Ruby because she had a thing for romance and dramatics and Lord only knows that she would suggest something dirty if I did it. Seeing that I was almost completely honest (she didn't need to know that the man was no good to no one and even Regina deserved someone way better than the bastard), she just sighed and threw her hands in the air in a giving up attitude.

"Yeah, I know what you're talking about, it is better be safe than sorry, right?" She said with a small smile and I nodded.

"Yeah, it is." And the one who wasn't safe was the son of a bitch in question. Anyway, I just shook my head and took my jacket (yeap, the red one because I missed Regina's remarks about how it was an offensive attire and how my lack of fashion sense was a dreadful sight for her eyes. Okay, you can call me crazy but I really missed those times, anything was better than the way she treating me, like I didn't matter and didn't exist…). I picked up my car keys and was almost on my way to meet (to kill him) the 'happy couple' when she called my attention again.

"It is almost how I felt when Belle was with Mr. Gold." Hearing that man's name sent a shiver through my spine. So much for a peaceful Monday… "I mean, she always was in love with him and I know that some part of her will always be, but you know when people are not made for each other. They can go all the way and break every law that exists and it still won't make it work. And that is sad to see. You know?" No, I didn't know what the heck she was talking about and how it could relate that to the fucking mad man that is his way to his grave, but I kept my mouth shut. "It is sad when you give up on everything that makes you who you are just because you think that the other person is worth it, or think that _he _could change for you. People just don't change, it is the real curse. You are doomed to be who you were meant to be since you were born and it doesn't matter how much you try to be something else, fate will always put you in your place, as a best friend. There is nothing you could do to break it, just sit and watch…" Wow! I don't know what bit this girl's butt, but I guess Ruby stole some crazy book from Archie. Or she was really opening her heart and trying not to show the signs. Of course it was the second option (because I knew Rubes was never into those psychological craps) and it became clear when she talked about Rumple and Belle. Oh hell! May she be in love with that girl?!

"I disagree." It was the only thing I said (after some serious talk to my head about not pointing the fact that my wolfie best friend was in love with the old creeper most valuable possession – he would raise all kinds of hell if he knew about it). "Regina, for example, she was good, then bad and is trying to be good again. So people can change." Not that mentioning the former Evil Queen was the best example, but I couldn't think of any other model to show her.

"Do you really believe that people can change, Em? Even Regina?" Well, well, if it wasn't a trick question. I mean… Argh!

"Honestly, Rubes, I don't believe people can change." I said and she made a 'are you fucking with me' face. "Like you said, it is a curse." Yeah, and thinking about it reminds me of the fucker Rumple. Such a bitch! "In Belle's case, for example, she will most definitely go back to her old worm-book-girl self because it is who she is." I almost chuckled when I wrapped my mind around the fact that I was sounding just like Archie. But fortunately I didn't laugh. "It is who she was and who she will always be. It is her curse or whatever, you know?" She nodded. "But then, there are people like Regina, people who can be whatever and whoever they want to be because they are larger than life. They are like a force of nature and nothing could tie them. They escape each and every single definition, every law and they don't have a one way patch to walk through. They can create things of ashes, they can make catwalks on the air and they can go above and beyond every human notion. I don't mean it because of the magical stuff, right? I mean it because we cannot hold onto these kind of people, they aren't like us. Like me, I will always be this damn savior who can't save even her own soul and you will always be this cute wolfie girl, right?" She smiled and nodded again and I reciprocate. "Because I don't know, this fairytale thing running here is black and white, people can only be good or bad and that's it. And that's what all these people here do; they are stuck in their fates, so they won't change, they can't break this spell. But Regina isn't black or white. Not her and nor Rumple." Yeah, even I could admit that about the fucking man. "They have layers that run deeper than skin and they are in shades, not just one color. It is kind of hard to believe how they could dig so deep into the darkness. Regina even more so…" Yeah, that woman was like playing russian roulette with six bullets: it doesn't matter if you win or lose, you must be suicidal to try it. Even her good side (and yeah, I do believe she has one because she wouldn't be such an amazing mother to my son if she was all bad) can swallow you whole. Even when she's doing some good things (which is very rare, I may say) she can break you into pieces. Or when she does apologize and steals the air from your lungs, because she never does things without intention, good or bad, she would admit everything and every mistake in front of the Devil if it comes to it. And that's the thing about her, she may be broken but she is never lost and never helpless. Yeah, even admitting it to me makes me want to punch her, but hey, it is not like she can hear my thoughts – luckily.

"Well, it does look like you know our former Mayor, right?" Rubes asked with an air of mystery and I rolled my eyes. These people couldn't just let things pass, it seems. Besides, this girl had such a romantic view of this fucked up world that she tended to fly out of reality. And that explains why she was trying to woo the crazy saint one. "I've never heard someone defending a person as passionately as you are defending Regina right now. Do you want to tell me something, Ems? I wouldn't judge…" Har har, miss joker always joking. I rolled my eyes, she couldn't get things right.

"Very funny, Ruby, very funny. But no, I have nothing to tell you about Regina, just that I am sorry for not believing her." I answered through my teeth and she smiled sort of understanding. "But I can tell you from what I know about you that you can break fate and be whoever you want to be. Not just her best friend, not just the she wolf and not just a waitress. I'm only asking if she is worth all the trouble." Yeap! You can all congratulate me because lil' Miss Swan was responsible for the chatterbox girl going on mute and on red. I guess I could sing 'the winner takes it all'… Of course, after the shock she opened her mouth to talk (what she does best), but I held my hand (this talk to my hand thing is growing on me) because the last blow would be mine. And honestly, it was kinda waste of my time listening to her denying everything (I still had to run in order to kill the mad fucker, after all). "The question, Rubes, is: does she worth a possible heartbreak if you go all the way to make her feel loved and even after all of that she doesn't choose you? Will it worth it?" Yes, I just said and turned on my heels to run the fuck out of there while I was still winning. Such a nice feeling. I mean, I did imagine if this was how Dr. Phil felt after giving his crazy advices. Anyway, when I was almost crossing the door with my 'we are the champions' smile, Ruby stuffed the knife.

"And does Regina worth putting your life on hold just to save her?" Why the fuck people have to mention Regina every now and then? Don't they have anything better to do? "Even if it means losing your own soul, Emma?" I almost turned to grimace at her but I was winning, so she would not break me. Humpft! Ruby really lost her mind if she was asking such a thing out of the blue. I mean, I wasn't the one who was moping about a forgotten crazy girl who fell in love with the fucking Dark One and after their fucked up relationship went to unholy hell and she lost her memories (which counting on the fact that most of them were shared with the Dark motherfucker, that should be good to her), she decided that a wolf would be a nice match to her. But who am I to judge, right? So…

Anyway, I better run to save them from the mad man whore. I mean, not 'them', but Henry, my stubborn kid and not his witch of a mother. Yeah, I can't even kid myself into thinking that I wouldn't save Regina even from her evil bitch self, but it doesn't mean that I need a reason to do it. 'Cause I don't! I'm the Savior, that's what I do, I save people! Even psycho bitches who curse an entire land. And that's only because everyone deserves to be saved. And that's what I'm here for. Well, except for the mad fucker. If he burns in hell I can only hope to be there to witness and to cheer the Devil on. But he is the only exception. Okay, Cora too. Both of them could explode like fireworks on 4th of July. With Neal, the son of bitch I can't forget that fucking man. And his creeper controlling and cursed father. Yeah, okay, I may pass like a bad savior or whatever, but I'm only human. And not everyone deserves a second chance to fuck things up even more. These people, for example, they deserve to suffer, as simple as that.

* * *

"I was thinking that we could go to my house and work on our plan. What do you think, Regina?" Jefferson asked and said woman just arched her eyebrow. "I mean, after you talk to Henry and all that jazz." He tried to keep the conversation flowing but anyone with a good pair of eyes would have seen that the former Evil Queen was far away in her own head. He sighed. Why women must be so difficult? "Hey, what's wrong, Regina?" He tried another strategy and that seemed to shook the woman into the living again. Of course, she sighed.

"I told Henry about the plan." Was her only reply and he blinked a few times to look for an answer on the deepest of his messy mind. But luckily for him, his search lasted just a few seconds as she turned and looked into his eyes. "And what if we fail?" Not much for the question, but the expression on his former Mayor face reminded him of another time, another place and the same woman in front of him. When she used to be just an insecure girl trying to be loved and to get her lover back. One that he failed to save. But that was in the past, now they were in the present and things would be different, he was damn sure of it.

"So we'll try again." He said beaming at her and got a small smile in return. Well, that was something, right?

"I cannot control my powers anymore, Jefferson. So what if instead of doing some good, we completely destroy the city?" Regina said and it was his time to arch an eyebrow. "With Henry and Grace still in here." Oh, yeah… That would be… Would be fucked up. And she sighed again.

"Regina, we need to try. Nobody can defeat them, just if we-"

"Do you think it would worth it?" She interrupted him sounding a little angry which made the Mad Hatter almost swallow his tongue. And that seemed to be the right thing because she continued. "You live in a forest and I still live in the city because nobody is suicidal enough to try and cross me. But it isn't…" She didn't finish her sentence and he didn't need her to. Yeah, he knew pretty well what was like to be hated.

"We could go to somewhere else, you know? Just us. After I make another hat, we could-"

"I can't leave Henry." She could leave anything behind, she could blow this town – her town – to hell, but she couldn't leave Henry. And he wouldn't go anywhere without that despicable thing that gave him birth. So no, it was out of question.

"Okay. So we are not going to lose." The man was still smiling and she rolled her eyes. Never in all those years had he sounded as crazy as he was sounding now. And she even asked for his help. Oh well, it would be an incredible disaster, they would be pulverized by Rumple and Cora, or in another scenario, she would lose control of her powers and the whole state would cease to exist. Congratulations, Regina! Looks like a dead end – quite literally. While the queen was still pounding about all the things that could go wrong (and she really was a strategist, which explains why her plans worked most of the times), Jefferson put his hands on her shoulders trying to gain her attention. "And do you know what all that means?" Yes, she knew: they would never see the sun again. "It means a new beginning for both of us, Gina!" She cringed at the nickname but other than arching her infamous eyebrow (again), she said nothing. "It means that you can choose now, can't you see?" He was so happy to explain these things that she thought that he could only be mad, after all. And no, she couldn't see what got him so chipper when they were about to die. "I'll tell you what, now you can be whoever you want to. It is like a second chance." He was getting tired of this eyebrow thing but decided to continue. "Come on, now you have you old dark magic and the fairies' one; the light one." Well, that was true, she did have both and that was her problem: both magic were battling inside of her begging to be released. Even more so, how could she use one magic without the other kicking in and making her lose control of it all? "You can be the dark witch you always were or just a sorceress, like Henry wants you to be." At hearing her son's name, all pose vanished of the woman and she trembled like a frightened animal. "I know you can. Both of us know you can. Hell! Even Grace and Henry know you can! Please, Gina, can't you see?" Surprising both of them, the brunette hugged the crazy man in front of her and sobbed quietly on his shoulder because she was that lost. "Hey, I'm here for you, from now on. We will work on it together and that's our new beginning, okay?" Jefferson hugged the sad woman for his damn life and whispered soothing things in her ear and caressed her silk hair.

"Are you sure? Even after all these things that I've done, do you really believe it, Jefferson? Do you believe that people like us could change? That we deserve a happy ending?" She asked with a broken low voice that broke his heart but he never stopped his ministrations.

"I am more than one hundred percent sure!" He said happily, making Regina tilts her royal chin to see him – and she rolled her eyes. Well, they say that God didn't make the world in one day, right? So yeah, small victories. Both of them were so engrossed in the new direction of their plan that they failed to see a murderous blonde sheriff throwing daggers at the man's skull. Her mind was already running a hundred miles per second coming up with a plan and imagining scenarios where the fucking clown was knocked out (and preferably dead) in the end.

"Well, you are called mad for a reason, dear." Regina smiled at him and let go of the embrace, making her partner pout and laugh – that wasn't because he was absolutely insane, no, not at all. These fairytale peasants were such crazy people…

In the other side of the sidewalk there was a soon to be assassin marching across the street like a woman out of hell and ready to bounce and to behead (again) the mad fucker because unfortunately the damn ogre crushed her gun and she couldn't shoot him from where she stood. But still, she would do this with her bare hands.

* * *

What the fuck is wrong with his man?! Who he thinks he is to hug her like he had a right to do so?! Oh, but this son of a bitch is going to learn a lesson! He will and will never forget. Not in his next seconds of life. And why was Regina hugging him back? Was she… I knew it! This motherfucker put a spell on her! Oh Lord! How couldn't I see it? He was probably working for Cora and wanted Regina to join them! Oh, but he was fucking wrong! I will kill him first. Twice! Just to be sure. So yeah! This is it!

"Ma! You're here!" Henry screamed making me almost jump out of my skin and that got the attention of the new 'happy couple' (just thinking about it makes me want to gag) to me. Oh kid! You must really be Regina's son to fuck up with my plan of assaulting the crazy bastard while I had the upper hand. I sighed. Well, there was my better chance wasted. Life's a cruel bitch!

"Hey, kid." I did try my best to look happy for his sake but it didn't work, so he arched an eyebrow. Those kids nowadays… After my (failed) attempt to smile at my boy, I turned to his other companions. The soon to be six feet under mad man whore and Regina. The creepy was smiling because he surely is mental and the second… Well, Regina was looking at me in a way that she didn't use to anymore and that sent a shiver running down my spine. Yeah, I was happy. "Hello, Regina." I acknowledge her and we locked eyes for something like (an eternity) twenty seconds. The son of a bitch didn't deserve my time, so I didn't waste it with him. In fact, he should be happy that I wasn't punching him right away because I was busy with the Evil Queen.

"Hello, Miss Swan." She said politely and her eyes got cold again. This woman must be bipolar, I'm pretty sure. And that's the fucker's fault, spreading his craziness into people's mind. Well, when I was going to open my mouth to (curse the man and his stupid dumbass grin) make small talk to Regina, 'Henryna' just kicked my shin with no previous warning. You see?! Even my son is being tainted with this motherfucker's madness. The bitch!

"What the fuck?!" I yelped, Henryna crossed his arms, Regina cringed and I didn't care about the son of a bitch's face. But so, while I was lowering myself to see if I still got my two legs, the kid took the time to whisper to my ear.

"You must apologize to mom!" So, he just kicked me to say that I had to apologize to his mom?! Of course I had to do it! That was the plan (besides cutting the fucker's throat, that is) so I just nodded because if I opened my mouth… Well, the kid would hear some pretty shitty things.

"One would have thought that a Princess like you wouldn't use such colorful language in front of a school, Miss Swan. But you proved us wrong yet again." Regina said and I sighed. It wasn't even like our old bickering around; she still was pretty grumpy about the Archie's fiasco. Well, yeah! Better hug the monster before it eats me alive.

"Oh yeah sorry." No, I wasn't sorry. "Anyway, Regina, may I talk to you?" Her replay was… nothing. Yeah, she didn't even answer and only looked at me like I was a mental patient out of medication. Well, when she got tired of looking at my face, she sighed and walked a little far away from that mad ogre. I followed her, obviously.

"What would you like to talk about, Miss Swan?" She said when we reached a good distance from the man hooker and crossed her arms over her chest. And she got a pretty nice chest if I may say… "Yes, Miss Swan?" Oh fuck! She got me researching on her cleavage (because I wasn't staring, obviously) and my face got on fire. But even so, she didn't spare me a humiliating sentence about 'my ungodly lack of manners and shameful actions'. That got me somehow sad. But yeah, let's face the music.

"Ahem… Well, I'm sorry." I really had a speech somewhat made, but my mouth lost her connection with my brain – again.

"Excuse me?" She arched her perfect eyebrow and looked much too confused to not be cute. I mean, not 'cute', but cut! Like a knife. Yeah, that's more like her.

"You heard me, Regina, I am deeply sorry about not believing you in-" I started, but she held her hand and interrupted me.

"Save it, Miss Swan, I don't want to hear it." Her eyes were getting… golden? What the fuck was going on? Was she okay? She arched her eyebrow again and her eyes were back to their sweet and mysterious chocolate color. I must be really going crazy.

"Yeah, I know you don't want to hear it and I know you don't want to see me too, but I am very much sorry and I couldn't-" I was interrupted. Yeah, nothing new.

"I told you that I don't-"

"For God's sake, Regina! Listen to me please!" I yelled and that shut her mouth. Good. "So, I was saying that I really wish I could apologize earlier but Rumple got me to pay my debt with him and I had to travel and chase down his son of a bitch of a son and things got… Hum. Not good. And… Anyway, I came back yesterday and it was really late so I didn't call you, even when I couldn't sleep because I have some manners, okay?" My breath was short after talking so much like a motor mouth, so fast and without taking breaths. I looked at her and behind her usual smirk (that I almost missed) and her indifferent face; there was a fire in her eyes, some curiosity, some rage and something I can't describe.

"Well, are you finished blabbering, Miss Swan?" I nodded my head and took a deep breath (another one, I mean). "Good. So do you plan on telling me about this trip of yours?" She asked with a glint of mischief in her eyes and I nodded again. "I presume now would be a good time to start it, don't you think?" She took two steps in my personal space and I smiled at her (yeah, things would be good – I mean, normal – again), she arched her eyebrow again. "Anytime now, Miss Swan." I shook my head after hearing her voice a little far. She looked a little flustered and took two steps back again. Yeah, well, it could have been worse.

"I can't talk about it now." She crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow raising a challenge. "It is about Henry's father…" The second I finished the sentence, all the color was drained from her (pretty) stoic face and she assumed a horrified expression.

"Do you mean…?" She didn't have to finish because I was nodding my head all along and that was the kick. She was so (beautifully) confused that I almost squeezed her shoulders to try to calm her. But obviously all of that was destroyed by the freaking fucker screaming like a girl. The son of a bitch.

"Regina, we have to go." That was what the bastard said and the brunette in front of me just took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes nodding her head. I almost started telling her the whole story just to keep her from that train wreck of a man but I couldn't, Henry couldn't know.

"We must talk about it, Miss Swan." She said and I nodded in agreement. Well, we really have to. "But now I have to go." She looked back at the fucker and I had some seconds to be sad before she looked at me again. Not that I liked her or some stupid shit like that (Ruby was really deeply crazy if she was suggesting it), but I was feeling really guilty about everything. Unfortunately for me, she turned before I changed my expression and raised an eyebrow out of curiosity, I presume. "I will accept your apologize after you tell me this story, Miss Swan." I nodded again, it was only fair. She nodded too. "Well, have a nice day, Miss Swan." She told me and turned on her (fuck me) heels only to stop when I called her.

"You too, Regina." She raised her hand on a gesture that she did hear me, but I called her again – and she stopped again. "And, Regina, my name is Emma." I said crossing my arms on my chest and looking strictly at her. To my surprise, she turned on her (really good and high) heels and smirked at me.

"Have a nice day, _Emma._" Okay, I may have or may not have been smiling like a kid high on candy, but that was a score for me. Yeah!

"I'm glad that you and mom made up." Reginenry materialized himself by my side and I turned at him so scared that I almost whiplashed in horror! So I glared at him a little bit because that kick was really uncalled for. "Let's go! We can have some pizza!" Yeah yeah. So he dragged to my car in time to see the motherfucker putting his filthy hand on Regina's back. Again! You know what?! This is over now! I will cut his hands before I finish with him! And then his head. "Ma, are you okay?" And then set him on fire. That man whore! "Emma?!"

"Oh, yeah! I'm fine, kid! So, I'm sorry but I will take you to Snow and David because I need to run some things before going home, okay? But don't worry, I will buy our pizza." I smiled to my kid who was still suspiciously looking at me.

"Yeah, okay! Pepperoni, right?" He asked after some seconds of analyzing my face. And I did my best not to hit the gas out of the blue and unconsciously run over that fucker's head. Three times. With that motherfucker nightmare of a man, we better be sure to kill him good. Unfortunately I was too late and he was closing the fucking door.

"Yup! You know, the best pizza for the best guys, right?" He laughed and yelled a 'hell yeah' just after I hit on the gas. These seconds talking (and observing the God forsaken scene in front on me) informed that the son of a bitch was taking Regina to his dungeon, so that was my next stop. After Mary-Snow-Mom, yeah, house. And then yes, we would have our happy pizza to celebrate the fucker's demise! I may buy a beer or twenty, because today was already getting better!


	3. I knew you were trouble

**A/N: **Thank you for all your lovely reviews and all the alerts and favorites and all that jazz. Hope you'll like.

I would love some criticism, so don't be shy. Have a nice week and thank for reading this. ;] Xoxo

**I only have the mistakes, unfortunately.**

* * *

"So, how about you go do your homework in your bedroom, Grace? We can play something later." Jefferson crooked a smile at his lovely daughter and gave her a hug after he welcomed Regina into his home (yeah, the absurdity of it wasn't lost on him). His kind girl just nodded and stepped aside, looking intensely at the regal brunette. How the woman could still hold her royal attitude in such a messed up predicament was beyond him, but she was undoubtedly majestic.

"Will you play with us, Gina?" Grace asked and he cringed. Yes, he knew the former Mayor was trying to keep her cool for the sake of his kid, but it wasn't hard to guess that he was still alive only because of his little girl. She wasn't pretending to be happy with him anyway. Well, for now, he could thank all gods above for the fact that the queen really had a soft spot for his daughter.

"You can go do your homework and after you finish it, you can show me. That way we'll know if you got everything right. And then, yes, we can play." Regina said lowering herself at Grace's eye level with an easy smile on her face. Next thing she knew was having the little girl's arms all around her and both of them almost facing the floor. Yep, this woman cursed an entire land, ripped countless hearts and was hugging his child like it was the last day to live. Jefferson wasn't the only mad one in this room, that's for sure.

"Cool! I will do everything super right so we can have more time to play!" Grace beamed again and the brunette beamed back (surely he need more coffee) and went on a dash to her room. Did this woman take some advices from super nanny? Nobody could be this good with kids on a daily basis (except for Henry, that is, but their relationship was too bumpy to measure). Maybe she put a spell on Grace? Well, it seemed silly and impossible, but she was the Evil Queen after all, she could do anything. And he wasn't going to admit that she could be a better role model for Grace, that was way too fucked up to even think about. But she was.

"Well?" Regina sighed. How could she choose such an odd partner to confide her plan was, once again, beyond her better judgment. First she naively casted Rumple's curse and that was the start of her infamous downfall. And now, she laid the future of her beloved son on a mentally incapable man's hands. Yes, life always had a way of screwing her up, it seems. Said unstable man just looked blankly at her. Suddenly, she got angry. After all, he was the one who went behind her back to talk to _her _son and unsatisfied with that trick, he even convinced her that their plan was foolproof (which, analyzing it, was such a crazy concept that she surely got mad herself to even consider it) and she believed it! And now, there he was, looking at her like she just fell from the heavens into his living room. What was going on today? She must have waked up in the Twilight zone. So she crossed her arms and took a deep breath, with her magic being completely out of control and having her emotions swirling into a spiral, was better be safe than sorry (she couldn't hurt Grace, the little girl deserves better). But if she had her magic tamed, well, the kid's creep daddy was fair game.

"How about we start controlling your magic?" Sensing that his partner in crime was in a very foul mood, Jefferson jumped on his legs and grinned maniacally. Perhaps seeing the former Evil Queen's somewhat golden and sparkling eyes mixed with her deadly stare did the trick. Who was he kidding? Jefferson was never so afraid in his whole life, not even when he kinda died. Nope, nothing could be scarier than staring into her vortex eyes (now somewhat honey), the brunette could shallow him with that glare. Which wasn't that surprising (she always had expressive _chocolate _eyes), but he knew her magic (and this wasn't always a pleasant memory) and it was very much purple, like her mother's, so this golden aura, storming and thundering hazel eyes (well, if this wasn't an art and color scheme class, he didn't know what it was) and a fucking could breeze coming from them (because his windows were still closed, he was sure of it) that could freeze all the seven levels of hell and the smirk. That smirk that always makes him gulps and prays and could honestly just kill him in fear. So he would be forgiven if he had a heart attack looking at her. "Regina…" Whispering her name, Jefferson knew that the woman drop his warm home degrees low enough to make his lungs hurt with every breath he took. He tried harder and anyone with a good pair of eyes could see pants of breath steaming the air around his head. And the scary thing was his living room still looking the same as before, which meant that this was all happening in his mind. Oh well, now, besides of being such an emotional powerhouse witch, Regina learned to practice mindfuckery tricks.

"Please…" He heard her whisper and saw a single tear running down her cheeks just when he was hugging himself and felling a lot like that Jack guy who froze like a popsicle in the depths remains of Titanic (that Rose girl was a little darling, that's why he watched the movie). So, before he could feel his heart quitting its job, he tackled Regina and hugged her with both landing on the couch (which was a plus, 'cause if he hurt her… well, there would be hell to pay), still shaking and chitterling his teeth like he was drowning in the ice (if that could be possible). On the bright side, she didn't explode him after that jumpy hug; however Regina was still looking right through him, like she was lost in an unpleasant memory (the woman had so many of those that he couldn't even come to guess) with her now topaz eyes wide in fear. It could only be laughable, she was shivering in fear of something in her mind and he was the one freezing from the inside out. Life had such a fucked up sense of humor.

"I'm r-right h-here…" He whispered through gritted teeth still hugging her with all his might. And said witch was shaking her head and moaning in pain with closed eyes (that should be a hell of a memory), not even trying to get out of his trembling hold. That was it; he knew death (from previous encounters) and was on his way to another meet with it; he was panting and his lungs couldn't inflate and deflate anymore, his heart was slowly stopping and his blood was running so damn could that he could use it to make a drink. That got him (breathlessly) laughing (coughing was more so), such a gruesome way to die. Fortunately for him, his crazy antics put his queen out of her funk and the brunette opened her tearful (brown) eyes (he never felt so damn happy for seeing that color in his whole life) and looked at his freezing pale face with compassion. She sighed, closing her eyes and whispered something that his frozen ears could not comprehend. When she opened her eyes again, they were a little amber (oh hell, was it never going to end?!) and the former Evil Queen smiled guiltily (this day will never cease to amaze him, it seems) making the whole world warmer (and his organs as well). She patted his shoulders (maybe trying to show some human consideration) and just stood there, humming something that could be a song (but he would never know for sure) while he was getting his organs to function again. What the fuck he got himself into?

* * *

"Are you sure you need to go, darling?" I sighed again. Yeah, I said it three times before and Snow was still asking me the same damn thing. It was almost as if she could guess what my real duty for the evening was with all those same questions.

"Yeah, I got to run some errands with Ruby." I said messing Henry's hair and smiling at his awful and outraged face, just because I couldn't risk looking at her face if I planned on keeping my secret.

"But what does she need?" Oh well…

"She is planning to have a date with Belle so she needs my help, you know? So she won't freak out and run away." Yep, I will be dead next morning if this little lie ever comes to Ruby's ears, but I couldn't bring myself to say the truth. And whatever, if the way my best friend was acting this morning was anything to go by, this wasn't such a surreal idea.

"Is she really?" Oh god! Now she was grinning and clapping her hands and Henry was making me _that _'what the fuck' face and I just stood there, looking like a sad clown. Why couldn't things go my way once in a while?

"Yeah, yeah. It is kinda new development between them, so I hope you don't ask her yet because I wasn't supposed to say it, you know?" I replied with my best crooked smile 'cause I got to be sure. Snow just smiled even more (which I thought was impossible) and nodded her head so many times that she was looking like some maniac doll and that was rather scary, if I may say.

"Of course, of course! I'm just so happy for her!" Well, I wasn't. If the darker creepy knew about it, her dog (or wolf) days would be over along with our city. So I just smiled. "Oh, I bet they make a great couple." While they are both alive, yes. "Oh my! Belle is such a kind girl to take Ruby even after knowing about her wolf times." Yep, kind, crazy and almost dead girl. "I can't believe that she put herself together and actually asked her out!" Well, she didn't, so my best friend still had some self-respect and wasn't _that_ suicidal. "Hey! Tell her that we must double date sometime, I'll talk to David!" Fuck me sideways! Now I will have to ask Belle out if Ruby doesn't put her shit together in time to do so. Crap! Snow was almost waltzing around the room and completely ignored my dreadful face while I thought about another plan. Fucking stupid Mad Hatter! This was his entire fault! "I could call her, right? Just to wish her the best of luck." Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Er, you better not, Mom!" Think, Emma! Now! "She asked me not to tell anyone, okay? Let's just see how it'll go, right?" Please, say yes! Oh Lord! I need to break Ruby's phone before Snow decides to poke her nose in my best friend's love life, she can't know about it! Fucking hell!

"Oh, yes! You are right, darling! I forgot that for a moment…" Yeah, you could say so. She smiled bashfully. "You know me, always trying to help someone's happy ending." Well, that would be an awful end, if she asked me, but I kept quiet. And from where I came from it would be called minding other's business and gossiping around, but what do I know, right? "I can almost see them getting married..." She said dreamily. There was my mother picturing their happy day while I was dreading the day that Rumple will come and hear about it. Aren't genetics a miracle? "I guess Ruby will use red." Oh hell! She giggled alone and Henry looked at me with wide eyes. Yeah, kid, and you used to complain about Regina… "Maybe she will get married on a red tux. You know how she is, always shocking people." Or she would just dress herself like a runaway stripper. Best friend or not, the girl was very much against clothes. "It would be such a lovely ceremony…" There she goes daydreaming again and that was it! Enough of this nonsense!

"Okay! They need a first date before holding hands and running in the sun, right?" That got her out of that crazy reverie and she looked at me a little confused, like I wasn't there for the past minutes. "So I gotta go now and save their lovely marriage." I said and stroked Henry's hair again, almost running towards the door. So far so good. I put my hands on the door knob and attempted to turn it and dash the hell away-

"Yes, baby! Go save the day!" I nodded and smiled at her, she was a good woman after all. "Oh, and after that we can find a nice prince for you-" I didn't hear the rest of that sentence and just jumped out of that place like a bat out of hell before she even finished that messed up suggestion. Lord helps me! I _really _didn't need to think about finding a prince at all!

Anyway, that conversation really took my focus from my mission long enough. I still had another dragon to slaughter after all.

* * *

"I know you don't want to talk about it, Regina." The brunette rolled her eyes. The fact that he knew and spent nearly ten minutes trying to snoop it out of her was almost as tiring as reviving that memory over again. And who said that would be the end of that dreadful discussion? Of course, not her. Apparently she didn't deserve a break. "But that wasn't magic. You know? You were messing with my head." Like she needed to mess with it even more than it was already messed up. "That was kind of hard to forget." He smiled frightened, probably thinking about their experience and she sighed. Why couldn't people just let things go? "It was like dying from the inside out. Really creep." And she was regretting the fact that she didn't kill him. Oh how easier things would be… "And your eyes were golden." Wait a minute, what?

"What?" That got her attention. He scratched his neck smiling timidly. This man would make Freud rethink all his researches and would positively put the shrink in an asylum.

"Yeah, well, they were golden and storming and changing colors. It was really terrifying." He said getting up and pacing in front of her. Okay, she knew that she lost her control sometime in the evening and drove through a really cruel memory lane (she couldn't forget Daniel's dying face after all), but she could not even guess how her meeting went with Jefferson. She couldn't remember, it was like she wasn't even there. "It was Daniel, right?" He whispered and she glared at him, momentarily forgetting about her concern for her mad partner. He looked ashamed (and should be, no one had the right to talk about Daniel, Jefferson even more so). "I'm sorry, I…" He bit his lip and shook his head. Good, at least he would keep quie- "I have a feeling it was him." She crossed her legs and frowned at him. "You know, I guess it would be good if we talk-"

"I don't recall you having a psychological degree." She snarled at him. The nerve of this man!

"Well, I don't have one, but I care about you, okay?" She felt like she had rolled her eyes so much they would fall out of their sockets but could resist doing it one more time. "I was scared, Regina. And not only for me, but mostly for you." She sighed. Again. "I couldn't help but wonder if you were going to die too." He stopped wearing a hole on the floor and sat next to her. "It was as if I couldn't reach you, like you were gone…" He whispered again and she could hear and feel the sincerity behind his words. Yes, she got the crazier partner she could ever find, but the man next to her really cared, that was a first. So she decided to try his trust, who knows what could happen?

"Okay, but I need a drink first." She said looking at his rather worn furniture and making a disgusted face at an innocent chair. She knew that her predicament wasn't really the chair's fault, but would it be too difficult to fix that thing or buy a new one? Men were such untidy creatures.

"Well, I have vodka…" She heard his voice from afar and could only guess that he was at the kitchen. No, vodka wasn't her favorite alcoholic drink, but she would take what she could get.

"Is it Russian at least?" The Evil Queen had some boundaries, after all. She couldn't just drink anything. This realm still had some unspeakable drinks that did more harm than dark magic (it didn't matter if people here call it hangover; it was still nastier than a few spells she knew). She looked at him and got a crooked smile in response. Oh joy!

"Er, I didn't ask for her ID…" She rolled her eyes but nodded. If she was planning to survive this day and their talk, she better have something out of it (even if this something comes in form of a killer headache). He gave her a glass with that wicked liquid and smiled happily. He was still the same man after all, always amusing himself while inflicting indignities upon her. "Cheers!" He knocked her glass, almost spilling that vile thing on her beloved blazer. She glared at him. He coughed. She drank. And she coughed too.

"This is disgusting!" The alcohol was burning her like she had swallowed a fireball. How could people do this to themselves? That drunk dwarf, even more so. The little bastard was always getting high drinking this terrible excuse for a drink and had the audacity to call her evil and even ask for her demise! Surely the midget was all kinds of masochist and suicidal. Someone couldn't like to drink this spiteful thing, it was wrong on so many levels…

"Well, it gets better…" Jefferson called her attention again and took another sip of his drink, always smiling, like he had a reason to be happy. She sighed and gulped that poison down like a pro. It better get endurable soon enough because her throat was burning like the flames of hell after swallowing that appalling drink. "Wow! I'll make you another." He grinned like a clown and took his leave yet again. What was a queen like her doing drinking this unholy stuff? Yes, she fell so deep into the hole that it wasn't even funny anymore.

"Here you go again." He said with two new glasses full with that evil thing. Still smiling. He must be drunk. She tried another sip. It was still the most dreadful thing that went through her throat.

"It still tastes like a pitiable mix of gasoline and diesel." She grimaced. Maybe this thing was rotten. Well, it could be, right? I was impossible that this drink was so outrageous and people still buy it, it didn't make sense. But Jefferson laughed. Really hard. And as the klutz that he was, he managed to spill half of that loathsome threat on his own shirt. She rolled her eyes. The man couldn't be elegant in any realm.

"Crap!" He jumped on his feet, which was worse because the liquid dripped into his pants and she decided to look away because that was such a distasteful scene that wasn't meant to be seen. He stood there dripping wet and smelling like a gas station (she knew that not even her Mercedes would accept such fuel), gaping like a fish. "Er, well, I will take a shower and won't be long." He stammered and put the bottle on the table in front of her, to mock her a little longer.

"You do it before I set you on fire for giving me such a terrible drink." She didn't even look at him (she wasn't sure if she could fight her instincts long enough to not start a bonfire with his body) and just took another sip of that thing while he rushed to hide.

She sighed. It gave her time to think about her life and if she focused long enough, she could pretend to be drinking her adored apple cider. What? Of course she could be drinking her apple cider; she was a witch, for crying out loud! So she decided that her torturous evening would get a little better and she did her magic, focusing only on her glass (first things first, she still had to feel her magic) and bam! "I still got it." She said smiling to herself. Of course, she couldn't win her mother and Rumple by turning them into apple cider bottles, but it was something. She could still control the easier part of her magic, the rest was going to need a little work, but she would do it. Eventually. Hopefully. Right now, she deserved to appreciate her amazing drink while she still had some kind of peace. And appreciate she did. Soon enough the half empty (she wasn't one of those damn optimistic, surely not) diesel bottle was storing her apple cider. Just like another water bottle in his frightful refrigerator (the man didn't have a healthy food in there to save his sorry life) and she put it next to the now empty one (she loved that drink and only God could judge her) in the table. If she was somebody else, she certainly would be talking to her alcoholic inanimate friend, but she wasn't very talkative or very friendly. Neither was she drunk enough to do such a silly thing. But she was glad and that would do. Regina couldn't guess how long she was drinking alone, but the evening was really warm and she took her blazer off. The damn man must have died in the bathroom. Anyway, she could drink a lot more alone. So she took it for granted. Of course, knowing her fate like she (unfortunately) did, her bliss didn't last long and some loud knocks at the door took her out of her good mood. She sighed. It was Monday, after all, people in this world are always blaming and badmouthing the day, so this wasn't just her fate playing evil tricks with her. Whoever was outside the damn door was in a distasteful mood, it seems, if the punching was anything to go by.

"I'm coming!" She got up off the couch and was making her way towards the door when Jefferson beat her at it, still closing his pants and with a towel hanging from his arm and no shirt. He looked at her for quite some time and sighed.

"Hey, I got this, okay?" He said and she nodded, it wasn't like Regina was trying to make friendly chatting with his neighbors. He smiled and messed up with her hair a little. What in hell was wrong with this man? But before she could turn him into a toad, he was looking at the peephole and gulping. She couldn't know for sure (and wasn't exactly interested anyway), but whoever was there scared the Mad Hatter with only a glance. Could it be her mother? Maybe Cora got tired of her own games and decided to wreck her havoc now (it was Monday, the infamous day of the week). Well, Regina didn't have the time to think about it because soon enough (not for his uninvited visitor who showed no regret of almost breaking in) the door was open and a blonde mess waltzed on the living room looking relatively homicidal. "Miss Swan, to what do I own-" Jefferson tried to talk to her but the insufferable Swan was looking straight at Regina and narrowed her eyes. Oh god, what did she do now?

"Regina?" She asked somehow skeptical, looking at the brunette like she had just come from some sort of abduction. That got the Evil Queen a little self-conscious and the former mayor took a look at herself. Well, she wasn't her tidy and daily self, that's for sure. Her blazer was forgotten laying on that ridiculous broken chair, her white blouse was wrinkled and had another button opened (she must have done it without thinking) and her pencil skirt rose at her mid thigh. Oh well, she was a mess. Regina grimaced at herself and turned to look at the blonde delinquent (because even in her not so mayoral state, she would be damned if she would accept the blonde's fashion lecture! Not when the nefarious sheriff strolled around _her _town wearing see-through shirts, ripped jeans and that filthy red leather jacket that still haunt her nightmares. That woman must be out of her mind!) preparing herself for a witty rebuttal when said mad woman jumped on Jefferson like a wild and hungry lion in the African Savanna. What the hell was that?! "You son of a bitch! How dare you?!" The untagged animal was working some magical fists on Jefferson's face and Regina could only foolishly stare at the unholy scene. What was wrong with Swan? Was she on drugs? Oh god! She could be, couldn't she? The cursed woman was arrested before, Regina wouldn't put past her being a drug addicted! "How could you get her drunk to have your way with her?! I will fucking kill you!" Wait a minute! Was Miss Swan really wrecking Jefferson's face because she thought that he could manipulate the Evil Queen into his unsanitary bed? That got her laughing, truly laughing. And just how it happened earlier that day her laugh seemed to break the spell the blonde was in.

"I can explain!" Jefferson screamed when the blonde's fists stopped hitting his face. But as fast as they stopped they came back with renew force (what was that woman using? God help him!) and another wave of angriness possessed the blonde fighter.

"You put a spell on her, didn't you?!" She was rhetorically asking, he was sure of it. Because between being punched and trying to dodge some attacks, he couldn't even think to properly answer her.

"Miss Swan…" Once she put her drink down, she walked towards the UFC fighters (or rather fighter, because Jefferson was more of a punching bag if she was honest) and tried to take the blonde out of her drugged state. To no avail. "Miss Swan!" She tried a little louder seeing as the woman was still snarling like an animal and couldn't care less about something other than Jefferson's face. She sighed. Why her? "_Emma!_" She took the blonde's face in her hands and called louder than before (which fortunately for Jefferson, stopped his soon to be murder), looking rather deeply into her fierce green eyes. She had beautiful eyes. The sheriff was panting but hold Regina's stare as if Jefferson didn't exist anymore (and Regina stole a glance at him to be sure that yes, besides being beaten, broken and blooding, he was still breathing). The mad woman was looking at her in such awe that Regina was sure she drank too damn much.

"Y-your eyes…" The aggressive blond murmured still keeping her position (above Jefferson's almost naked body and if the man under her wasn't looking like a horror movie character victim, they could be tagged as a couple. An aggressive-passive one, but still a couple) and that put the mayor in a trance too. Well, it wasn't like the violent blonde was bad on the eyes, she did have a nice body complexion. And pretty eyes. And Regina was pretty sure she was never drinking before facing distasteful Miss Swan again, it twisted her mind. So, shaking her head, the brunette helped a yelping blonde into her feet. Said nightmare just looked ashamed (it was only fair, after all) at her bloodied hands (an unattractive and awful sight) and looked back at the former Evil Queen (who wasn't feeling so evil at that moment. She should completely quit drinking; it would do no good to her reputation). "Now they are back." The blonde psycho said smiling and Regina was really afraid to ask what was back and from where, so she just looked at the woman, who smiled bashfully. Yes, this reckless bombshell was certainly drugged. "I mean, your eyes are back to normal." The brainless sheriff explained and scratched her neck, looking rather disturbed. And if Regina could tolerate the blonde's dishonorable mother for more than twenty seconds, surely she would have a talk to her about the Savior's drug addiction because honestly, Henry deserved better than this. But if she could loath someone even more than the wrecked woman in front of her, that would be her detestable mother, so she couldn't bring herself to endure a whole conversation with the abominated creature. Not even for Henry. However, she will definitely talk to her son about his shameless birth mother whereabouts, he must know the differences between good and bad choices in life and, by the looks of it, Emma Swan made all the wrong ones.

"Ugh, ow!" Jefferson yelped from his spot on floor, obviously unaware of his surroundings. His body felt limp and he swore his back was now permanently bent after that vicious attack. Bloody hell! What did he do to Emma Swan to deserve it? The woman was surely possessed to stride into his house and assault him like that. First is Regina almost turning him into a popsicle and then (if dealing with the first wasn't scary enough) the Savior came to beat him into a pulp without further (or any) explanation. He better makes the fucking hat now and elope the fuck away from here while he was still breathing. Hearing his cry for help, Regina lowered herself to check on him. He was a train wreck. Really. "I can't-" Jefferson tried to talk but by the looks of it, he definitely bit his tongue and that certainly hurts.

"Mis-_Emma_, would you be a dear and explain what the hell was that?" After checking his (many) injuries (and if she was still planning to count on him to defeat her mother, she would need to heal his ruined body), Regina turned her look at the sadistic blonde who still stood in the middle of the living room. Hearing her voice, said mindless woman took a look at her hand work and smiled (and people still called Regina the Evil Queen, life was undeniably unfair) until she heard the brunette's voice and turned to look at her, as confused as someone with her empty head could be. Regina sighed, this people were right about this Monday's curse, what a day she was having so far…

"I-I gotta go!" The thief shouted it before running from the scene like children usually ran from her (except Grace, the lovely girl) and Regina just stared blankly at the space previously occupied by the blonde assassin. The slamming door shook her out of her own reasoning for such a crude behavior and surely shook the whole building's structure with the force of it (Regina was awed that the drugged psycho didn't break the door with that slam). That blasted woman must be taking steroids; it was the most believable explanation. She knew it from the first moment she saw that disheveled blonde hair, this woman had trouble written all over her sly face and wouldn't rest until she smashed everything around her. First she broke a curse Regina gave everything to cast, after that she stole her son and now the devious blonde was breaking in people's houses to assault them. Which more obscenities she would have to endure coming from that immoral woman? Didn't she deserve a break?

"Argh!" The whimpering man called her attention again with another agony moan. Yes, she better start doing her magic (and not spending her time thinking how men were such delicate and whiny creatures). But before doing that, she needed to call Henry and… Ask him about it? Inform him the situation? She didn't know per se, but as she made a promise to her son about not doing magic anymore, she was determined to keep it. "Urgh!" She rolled her eyes, couldn't he whine a little lower?

"Okay, I'm calling Henry and you…" She said getting up and looking at his broken face. Well, it wasn't like he was going to run away. "You try to keep your whimpers to a minimum." She said not even glancing at his nasty features and taking her mobile from her purse to dial her son's number. If Jefferson could do something other than writhe in agony, he surely would because it wasn't nice to restrain a dying man from complaining, it was fucking heartless. But she was the Evil Queen; he should be used to it by now. "Hello, son!" And there she was smiling to the phone while he couldn't even moan.

"_Hey, mom, how are you?"_ Her marvelous boy asked and she grinned happily. It was so refreshing talking to him like that; like they were still mother and son and he didn't have a nut birth mother assaulting innocent people in their own homes. But yes, that reminded her of her partner lying panting on the floor and she sighed. Which other miseries should she suffer to pay for her crimes? She endured enough with that blonde criminal already.

"I'm fine, son, thank you. And hopefully you are quite good yourself, right?" His answer was a little 'yep' and Regina knew that he must have been eating. She could only hope that he was eating something healthier than cheeseburgers. That awful woman was such a bad influence to her son! "I'm calling you because I want to…" Ask you? Notify you? Those were words that she couldn't make her mouth pronounce. She was a Queen, for heaven's sake! She would surely do what she deemed to be better! "Well, the situation is: your idiotic birth mother waltzed through Jefferson's house and punched him to almost unconsciousness. And I will tell you something, Henry, that woman must be using drugs! You better be safe around her because no one knows-"

"_She did what?!" _ Regina sighed on the phone; of course the Savior could do no wrong. _"I mean, is he okay?" _ Her son asked after some time digesting the fact that his birth mother was, besides a thief, a drug addicted psycho. Yes, it was a lot to ask to an eleven years old boy. But hearing his question, Regina glanced at a Jefferson making all kinds of grimaces that was known to mankind. At least he was quiet.

"This is why I'm calling, he is not looking well and the best option is healing him with magic." See? She didn't need to inform or ask for her son's permission. She kept her promise to him without feeling like a crack head in rehab needing to show the results of her improvement. Regina smiled to herself, she was _that _great. Henry seemed to think a little more (or he was just swallowing his food), but eventually he answered.

"_Yeah, mom! Do it! It will be for a good reason, right?" _He asked hopeful.

"Yes, Henry, it will be for a good reason." The man didn't need any more stitches and scars anyway.

"_Hey, mom! Thank you for calling me, you know? You didn't have to, but you did it and I'm really happy." _ Her son replied with a happy voice and her heart warmed with all the love she felt for her little and fabulous boy.

"Of course I would, Henry, I promised you, remember?" She tried to play it cool for her little gentleman's sake, but she was feeling too damn invincible!

"_Yeah, I know that, but still... It makes me feel important, okay?" _ She grinned happily. Not even with her lack of manners and misfit personality, crazy Swan wasn't going to derange her lovely boy!

"And you should, because you are the most important person in all realms, Henry." She was being honest and that got a giggle and a breathless 'thank you' from her inspiring boy. She giggled back.

"Urgh!" Jefferson's whimper interrupted their moment and Regina had to restrain herself from setting them man aflame with her withering glare. She rolled her eyes, the man was suffering enough and she should practice a little more compassion towards him (he cared about her, nonetheless).

"_Was that Jefferson?" _ Henry asked skeptically. Yes, from the howl he made, the man could be tagged as a dying lion. _"Wow! I guess you need to save him, mom. From the sounds of it, he must be pretty beaten." _ He had no idea… _"Hey, mom! Before you do it, what about both of us having a dinner at your… I mean, our house?" _ Oh boy! How she was happy! Regina could only breath a 'really?' because it was too good to be true. _"Yeah! Is tomorrow good for you?" _ Oh, her little boy was sounding like a business man and she giggled again. She taught him so well! But her giddiness only lasted a second before she remembered her plans for the following day.

"I'm sorry, son, but I can't tomorrow…" She whispered ashamed of herself and her only reply was a sad 'oh'. "Tomorrow Cora is having dinner with me and I want you far away from her." She told him her reasons, he deserved to hear it.

"_Oh, is it part of the plan?" _He asked and her answer was a soft 'yes'. _"Cool! That's okay, mom, we can always meet later to talk about how it is going, right?" _She replied with another soft 'yes' because the idea of putting her son in the middle of this war took her breath away and squeezed her heart painfully. _"So, you better be careful and you know, take care of yourself. She is evil." _She really was, but Regina could deal with her mother again, she did it once, anyway. _"So, you better heal Jefferson now before he dies, yeah?" _Well, he wasn't going to die per se, but he would be facing some serious pain.

"Oh yes, it would be the best option for him." She sighed. Ending that call was so difficult when her son was being so lovely that it made her sad.

"_But, mom! Before you go, can I ask you something?" _Henry asked in a rush and she smiled again.

"Yes, darling, anything." Jefferson would survive anyway, he could wait some more.

"_Could you take a picture of him and send it to me?"_ That got her truly laughing on the phone. He was just like her, her golden boy! She couldn't hear, but Regina knew that he was smiling sheepishly at the other end.

"I will, okay?" She said still smiling.

"_Cool, thank you, mom! Love you and take care!" _There was Henry squeezing and warming her heart a little more. A tear rolled down her cheeks (she was happy) and she sniffed to cover it away. But before she could swear her love to her boy, the line went dead and said her 'I love you, too' to the air.

"G-good to…" Jefferson coughed from the floor and she wiped away any evidence of her emotions before sighing to him. Well, she needed to do it, so she better do quickly before Grace could come and see her mad dad blooding like a dying deer. But she made a promise to Henry and as sure as hell she was going to keep it.

"Okay, first I need a smile." She didn't mean it, but aimed her cell phone at his face anyway (Jefferson was looking like death; a smile would only make him look even more unpleasant). Said man just blink at all the flashes (Regina was truly sadistic if she was doing this to him) and looked at her face confused. What the fuck was that? "Okay, all covered. Now I need you to close your eyes…" She said after sending his shameless pictures to someone (could it be Emma Swan? No, no! If those two were ever going to form some sort of dark partnership it would be the end of the whole world and he was definitely going to be the first one to die. Lord helps him!) and she kneeled at his side, running her hands above his head. He did like he was told; when he gets better he would ask Regina about that. She owned him at least an explanation.

* * *

"I need four shots of tequila, Ruby." I said hoisting on the bar stool. Yes, I will drink until I forget my name and that awful scene from before. Luckily Granny's was almost empty seeing that people didn't feel comfortable enough to drink on Mondays. Their loss.

"Looks like someone is being rebellious." My best friend said after giving me my drinks and smiling like the Joker. Oh boy, not now! "What triggered such a behavior, Miss Swan?" That was one of the few times that I wished to have Regina's power to set things (and people) on fire. But I didn't dignify her with an answer and just grunted before gulping the third cup. "Hey, easy there, tiger! Wanna tell me what happened?" She asked leaning across the bar and looking deadly serious. That was when she took notice of my hands. Fuck! I should have asked for something I could drink with a straw. "What the fuck happened to you hands, Emma?!" Well, she looked furious but I ignored her once again and shrugged my shoulders, swallowing my last drink.

"Nothing, I fell." That was a crappy lie, but I couldn't care less if she believed or not.

"How many time times exactly? And fell upon whose face?" I did my best to look nonchalant but I'm sure she caught my little grimace. That girl could not let anything pass.

"Well, it doesn't matter. And I want a twelve." There are some moments in our lives that only thing that makes any sense is a bottle of scotch. I bet they have super powers!

"Well, I'm not giving you until you answer me!" She crossed her arms and stomped her foot. Yeah, yeah! It wasn't bad enough to have a mom who was fucking Snow White; I really needed to deal with a wolf's shit. Fucking Monday! "I bet it was Regina!" I glared at her. Fucking people couldn't mind their fucking business.

"Whatever, could you please give that one?" I put my money next to the four empty cups and glared at little more at her. Two could play this game. Ruby sighed and gave me the bottle I was pointing to. "Well, I could use a glass." I rolled my eyes at her. It wasn't a hard job to pick up a fucking glass now, was it?

"Form where I'm standing, it looks like you have four cups to choose from." I sighed. Couldn't she let shit go just for today? It wasn't a lot to ask, I'm sure.

"Yeah, but they are…" I tried to argue but it was a lost battle anyway, so I took a step back. "You know what? Whatever!" I didn't need a fucking cup to drink this crap anyway. So I opened the damn bottle and gulped straight from it.

"Woa there! Slow down! Come on, I'll give you a cup." Ruby shouted skeptically and started her search party to find me a glass. I smirked at her. People shouldn't try me today.

"Nah, I don't need it. It's cool." That being said, I gulped again from the bottle and smiled at her face. She sighed defeated. Yep! I won again.

"Come on, talk to me, Emma! I'm your freaking best friend." That destroyed my inner happy dance and my winning good mood. "What happened? What did Regina do?" Why was she always talking about Regina, for fuck's sake?! I ignored those stupid questions and drank again (I was very good at it). "You punched Jefferson, didn't you?" I sighed. This twenty question game was kinda tiring.

"Maybe." I murmured. No need to lie after all. She took a deep breath and looked at my face.

"Why was that?" Like hell I was going to answer that! I didn't even want to think about it; repeat that awful scene was out of question. "Come on, Em, tell me what happened." She pleaded. Sometimes I hate her so much!

"They are…" I couldn't convince my own mouth to say that fucked up statement so I chose the easier path. "You know what they are." It was all I said and I fixed my gaze at my friendly bottle. And drank.

"Are you sure?" I glared at her confused face. Wasn't she the one who came up with this nonsense anyway? What the hell was she talking about now? "But…"

"You were the one who said that, okay? Don't play dumb now, it doesn't suit you." I snarled at her but she wasn't even looking at my face. Fuck that, I drank again. The thing about drinking is almost like Math; the more you drink, the less you think.

"No, if they were, they would have each other's smell." I guess she was talking to herself, but I still rolled my eyes. She said it because she hasn't seen that distasteful scene earlier today. Whatever, I won't think about that!

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Could you please make a pepperoni pizza for me? I promised Henry that we would have one." She looked at my face and nodded before going back there. Well, alone at last! Not alone at all, because unfortunately I still had my thoughts (and believe me, they were that bad), but at least I had a whiskey bottle, things could be worse. Like how Regina could be dating that dumbass? Couldn't she see that she deserved way better? What was she doing with him? Honestly, I'm sure that he put a spell on her, that changing eye color thing was way too creepy to happen out of the blue. Besides the fact that it surely didn't happen until they became 'friends'. How could someone be friends with that fucking mad man anyway?! Oh god! What was he planning? How could he manipulate a witch as powerful as Regina, anyway? That man was useless; he couldn't do it by himself… Oh fuck! Cora was behind this! He was working for her and trying to take Regina by her side again! I knew it! But they won't win this one! I will destroy them! I really didn't know much time has passed since Ruby flew away, nor did I know how much I drank. And I did not care. Drinking was way better than thinking. If I could only turn my brain off…

"Hey, let's go!" Ruby materialized herself (she was good at doing this) in front of me and tried a small smile which earlier that I thought possible became a frown. "Oh hell, Emma! What are you thinking about?" Plans to destroy Cora, the mad fucker, Hook and set Regina free. But of course I couldn't tell her that or she was going to fry my brain with silly questions.

"I could have hit Jefferson a looot more than I did." It wasn't a lie anyway. I left the guy breathing, it was surely not enough. She laughed because I guess it would make her happy too and took my forearm.

"Yeah, come on, Rocky, I'm taking your pizza and your drunken ass home now." I grimaced at her. I could walk alone, thank you very much. Besides, I wasn't drunk. I was pretty fine.

"I can go aloon, okaay?" See? Perfectly sober! She wasn't amused and just dragged me and the pizza towards her car. "Hey, my car! I'll neech it tomorroh." I wasn't going to leave my Beatle Paul all alone in the dark there. It wasn't nice and we were a family.

"Yeah, 'tomorroh' you can pick it, drunk!" I guess she was mocking me, but I wasn't sure. "How much did you drink?" I looked at my bottle studying it.

"Not enough." She looked at the bottle too damn scared that I thought that maybe it would break, but luckily she was just envying it, my bottle was safe and sound (for now at least).

"Fucking hell, Emma! You almost drank the whole bottle!" I resented that! I didn't drink that much. Really. "You know, Snow is going to fret when she sees you…" Oh fuck! I told her that Ruby was going on a date with Belle. If she sees me coming out of her car, I'll listen until my dying day! Crap! I need to think fast!

"Hey, Ruubs! Could you just drop me heear? I don't want 'er to blame you?" That was good, right? To match that, I gave her my best innocent smile and my wolf friend was obviously thinking about it. And rolled her eyes at me. What a friend!

"Yeah, okay! I don't want her to cry on my shoulders too, so you straight up this drunken face of yours and get the hell outta here!" I giggled. Don't know why, but I just did it. She was funny.

"Thank you, Rubsh, that very cooool." I patted her shoulder still smiling and took my lead (after I almost knocked myself unconscious hitting her damn door. Crappy car with crappy doors). Carrying Henry's pizza and drinking my whiskey along the way gave me such a feeling of freedom that I smiled to myself. Who needs anything else? Besides, today was a warm night, really lovely for a walk. So I tried to take the best out of it and walked slowly. Not because I was drunk, but 'cause the night was beautiful. Wish I could sit here and appreciate it, but my phone buzzed loud enough to chase all the night birds away. There were birds at night, right? Of course there were! Anyway, I took my cell phone smiling at it.

"_Ma! Where are you?!" _Henry was shouting louder than Fred Mercury and I cringed at the sound. Gee! Was it really necessary?

"I'm makin' ma way downtown, walkin' fass, faces pass and I'm home bouwn." I giggled on the phone; this was such a happy song. It was a shame that I couldn't remember the whole lyrics. "If I cool fall into the sky, do you thin' time will pass me by, 'cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I cool juss see ya tonight."

"_Please tell you're not drunk! Pretty please?" _He was still talking, it seems. Anyway, he asked not to answer, so I didn't. Singing was better.

"And ah don't wanna let ya know, ah ah, drown in your memories ah, ah don't wanna less this go ah ah-"

"_Please shut up, Emma!" _Fuck! I couldn't even sing! Regina raised him too damn well. _"Where are now?" _He asked. And that remind me of a song…

"Now that ah need ya. Teas on pill – ow, wherevah you go now-"

"_Come on, Emma! Where are you? I will pick you up before gradma-" _I was trying to surprise Henryna, so I just ignored him and opened the front door grinning at my kid. "Fuck! Come on, you need to take a bath!" He said and killed my smile. Why couldn't people be happy for me for a minute? "Dear lord! Your hands are nasty!" Oh if he saw Jefferson's face he would be congratulating me. But I'm not that kind of gal, so I just shrugged it off.

"Nah, it's nothing!" I said smiling while he put our pizza on the kitchen counter and dragged me to the bathroom, locking the door. What the fuck was going on?

"Henry, is that you?" Snow was asking outside the door and I giggled looking at Henry. See? He could have had a worse mom!

"Yeah, gradma! It's just me!" He shouted and turned the shower on, making motion with his head for me to get in. I giggled again. He was a funny boy.

"Are you alone?" For fuck's sake! Snow was such a nosy woman! Couldn't she keep quiet for once in a while?

"Yeah, I'm just listening to some music!" I opened my mouth to sing (that way he wouldn't be lying, right?) but he almost chocked me his hands on my mouth. Gee!

"Oh, okay!" Thank God! It was about time! Henry decided that he didn't want me dead and took his hands out of my mouth and I glared at him. I bet this was disrespectful to almost choke your mother to death.

"Go take a bath I will play on you cell phone." He said and turned his back on me! That kid really needed to listen to a thing or two about proper manners, but I took the opportunity to take a bath. Who knows when Snow would be waltzing and prying here again? I would take what I could get! And now, a nice shower was really the best option!

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Screwed up. Jefferson could answer this if she was asking about his mental health, but by the looks of it, that wasn't Regina's highest concern, so he shrugged it off.

"Alive, I guess." He said and Regina took a seat at his couch, with her head in her hands. "This was a fucking day!" Indeed it was. He almost died twice and wasn't looking forward to reviving this any time soon. Regina wasn't looking any better, so he kept quiet. Emma Swan was getting everyone mad around there. That was until he saw a thing laying beneath his window. "What the hell is that?!" He almost shouted pointing at his worst nightmare (one of many).

"_That _is called a cat, Jefferson." Regina raised her head to analyze the infamous animal and Jefferson cringed. Of course he knew it was a cat! But what would that thing be doing there? "I believe you may have crossed paths with one or two along your life." Of course he had! He knew that Alice's psycho Cheshire cat, after all. That fucker traumatized him for life. Those animals had a deal with the Devil, he was sure of it!

"Yes, but what would a cat be doing here now?" He asked and Regina glared at him. She couldn't understand him, he knew that. Or she would have known that those things never brought good fortune. They were cursed. And scary. And maybe… "Hey! What if this is Cora?" Yeah, it really seemed silly, but ultimately Cora was everywhere, almost like God himself, so she could have turned into that thing.

Regina was not amused and glared at him angrily. What this man was talking about? "What?" She asked skeptically. Because she was sure his almost dying experiences were wearing him down.

"Well, you know, Cora can turn into anything and that animal wasn't there until now, so…" He crossed his arms over his chest and said seriously.

"It is a cat and you live in a forest, so it is not that astonishing to have that sort of visitor." Regina said and got up, taking another drink and glaring at him some more. "Besides, if you really believe that my mother would stoop so low just to keep an eye on us, you may expect that she could've turned into your table also. Or into that useless chair." She was mocking him, he knew it (that rolling eyes thing was very self-explanatory). "It doesn't make any sense." Oh, what she wouldn't give to just be having a bubble bath.

"Whatever, we need a safe word." He crossed his arms, too; it is better be safe than sorry. Regina stared at him like he had two heads. It was his time to roll his eyes. "You know a safe word, right? It is-"

"Yes, I know what a safe word is, Jefferson, but may I recall you that we are not having a BDSM relationship?" Oh the things she had to endure…

"I know that! I wouldn't jump into this stuff with you." The glare he received was enough to put the Devil to shame and he gulped in fear. Shit! "I mean, it's not that I wouldn't do you, because you are easily the most beautiful woman that I've ever laid my eyes on. But you could really hurt me and that would be-" He started his blabbering rushing through words and getting paler by second. Luckily, Regina stopped him before he could embarrass himself even more.

"Please, just stop talking." She massaged her neck. Regina was wondering what she had done this week to piss off God that he'd put her in this situation. Must have been something pretty bad, she could only guess. People around here would call it karma and as they would crudely say; karma was a fucking bitch.

"Yeah…" Jefferson had the decency to look ashamed and was blushing like a school girl with a crush. "Anyway, we need _something_ to make sure that we are talking to each other and not to Cora, okay?" It wasn't safe to say safe word, so he didn't. "But not while _that _thing is here." He almost spitted looking at the cat. Regina rolled her eyes. Thank god the day was ending; she couldn't handle anymore of that silliness.

"What do you suggest?" The faster she agreed with him, the faster this nightmare would end. The mad man smiled and she grimaced. The idea that she shouldn't have gotten out of bed was looking like a smart one.

"No, Cora will hear it!" Jefferson shouted loud enough to be heard by the whole state. Regina scowl ed. Her patience was wearing thin (and she didn't have so much of it to for starters, so Jefferson's better get out of this foolish haze quickly or she would be the one to _really _injure him). "I mean, we better do it once that _animal _is gone." She rolled her eyes. If wasn't for Grace, Regina was sure that this man was gay. He smiled. "What about dinner?" He grinned and she rolled her eyes. "Grace would love it." She sighed and gulped another glass of her apple cider. He better have a nice water flow to be turned into her favorite alcoholic drinks, or the dinner will only lead to more disaster.

* * *

"What's that?" I asked Henryna (and he was still ignoring me, it seems) after he sneaked me out of the bathroom and stared at something in the TV.

"That's Glee." He rolled his eyes. I did the same.

"Well, it doesn't look that gleeful from here." Some brunette girl was almost drowning in her own tears. He ignored me (again). I will tell you what; dealing with teenagers was a walk in hell. They tend to get bipolar, sassy and try to be insightful (which is way worse, 'cause hearing a lecture about drinking from your son is fucking unfair). Oh if he tried that with Regina… I bet she would turn all his comics' books into toilet paper. That woman surely knew how to hold a grudge. Anyway, I turned to look at the TV again because it wasn't looking like he was going to give me the time of day. What were those creepers doing?! "Why are they singing?" I asked truly amused. Those TV shows nowadays were kinda of strange. He sighed.

"Because they are a choir group." Was that supposed to explain something?

"So they have to sing every fucking minute?" It didn't make any sense. Why would people watch this stuff? He rolled his eyes.

"They are practicing to face the competition." I frowned. What a waste of time!

"It means that there are even more losers singing in this show?" Oh my! I shouldn't have drunk. Surely this was God making me pay for ambushing Jefferson.

"Yes, Emma, they do a lot of singing in this show. Are you happy?" Fucking not!

"Why don't you watch a concert or something like that? It doesn't make sense to watch some guys sing every waking hour." He sighed because he knew I was right.

"They don't only sing, okay? They have relationships issues, they talk about bullying, they support gay rights" I raised an eyebrow at him, but he ignored me again. Obviously they would support gay rights, this show was all rainbows. Well, he kept on talking, "-fight, and they do other stuff, okay?" I stared blankly at him. It didn't explain why people would watch it though. He turned his face to me. "You know what? We are going to watch it from the beginning so you can catch up, right?" Oh my fucking Lord! It wasn't enough to be feeling like a trampled filthy hooker and have a headache from hell. No! I still had to watch those dumb fuckers belting notes and fake crying. "Come on, Ma! I will be funny!" No it wouldn't. But luckily I had a bottle of vodka with my name on it. Maybe this thing won't be too stupid if I'm drunk enough, right? And I still owned Henry something after he hid me from Snow's wrath. The things we had to do for our kids…

* * *

"Thank you for having me." Kathryn said with a polite smile looking at her best friend (or only, if she was bold enough to admit the truth) and Jefferson. Regina smiled and nodded in response. Jefferson grinned and Grace beamed. The thing is: after being blackmailed into enduring a dinner with the crazy man, Regina came up with the plan of inviting her friend. That way she wouldn't be the only one suffering on the table and her stupid partner could ogle the blond and leave her alone. She could always talk to Grace, the little girl had surprisingly good opinions about almost everything and was a really fast learner too (Regina decided that after teaching her how to play 'monopoly' and Grace took every advice she gave, the girl had an amazing future, Regina was sure of it) and that way, Regina could completely ignore her new protégé's dad. That was always a plus.

"Hey, it is our pleasure." The pleasure would be only his by the end of that doom, Regina knew it. But she kept quiet. No need to scare her friend away before even facing his most definitely distasteful dish. Anyway, Kathryn smiled again and Regina sighed. Her friend must have been feeling very lonely if she accepted such invitation. She made a mental note to have the blond more timed over.

"Thank you, anyway. I can't even remember the last time I shared a meal with someone." By someone she meant the utterly idiot fake prince. This was really sad, because eating alone was way better than having to deal with his dim face and pitiable company. Her friend should be happy to get rid of him. Regina knew she would be.

"Nonsense. We could do this a lot more, right?" Jefferson beamed at her and Regina rolled her eyes and took a sip from her apple cider (fortunately for her, Jefferson did have some water bottles in his freezer. She could say that it was the only thing worth swallowing over there). She saw her blond friend smiling bashfully and nodding. Hopefully she wouldn't be part of these next devious reunions. She could always fake sickness.

"I would like that." She would positively be the only one. Besides the man himself, of course. Luckily Jefferson decided that it was time to face her doom and took his dishes out of the oven. If she was religious, she would be praying for a miracle to not be ushered to eat it, but she wasn't a coward. And it wasn't God's fault. "Here we go!" The pathetic cook put the food on the table with a smile on his crazy face and the brunette almost ran away after seeing the disaster with wide eyes.

"What is this?" Grace said with a grimace (the girl really had some standards, thank God!) and Regina smiled proudly. Yes, the little girl wasn't hers, but it didn't mean she couldn't appreciate her intelligence.

"Well, it is our dinner." He had the audacity to smile. The sadistic man!

"And what is this delightful creation?" Regina asked almost afraid of hearing the answer.

"This is fried chicken with mashed potatoes. Bon appétit." Jefferson named the mocking food and Regina glared at it as if she was expecting it to attack her (and it probably could). Kathryn was gulping in fear and Grace was frowning. What a lovely dinner!

"It doesn't look like it." Grace whispered somehow scared that the chicken was still alive and could run away from her plate. It would be a blessing if that was the case. But they had no such luck.

"What's wrong, baby?" Jefferson asked his daughter skeptically as if everyone should have no taste just like him. But the little girl would have none of it and glared at her father. Internally, Regina was clapping (this girl had so much potential).

"Daddy, it looks really nasty." It probably looked worse, but the brunette got happy at hearing the adjective nonetheless. The man frowned in what Regina hoped was shame, but knowing him like (unfortunately) she did, it was only confusion.

"But you haven't tried it yet." He said pouting. Regina sighed and drank. At least she wasn't sober, that was a plus.

"Do I have to?" Grace complained and the brunette bit her lower lip trying not to laugh at the man's face. She took a glance at the mocking food and dread washed her giddiness away.

"Well, you need to try something before you can complain about it, right?" Wrong. For example: she didn't need to talk to the idiots to know that her ears would bleed from their lack of intellect. Some things are better kept in the dark and she learned it the hard way. "And you, ladies?" He looked at her arched eyebrow and decided to show his teeth at Kathryn (and by now her friend must be planning her elope, Regina was sure). Said blonde smiled frightened and the brunette sighed.

"Well, that is quite possibly the most repulsive thing I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing." Grace smiled at her in gratitude and a pale Kathryn nodded almost afraid. Jefferson sighed at her answer, but she was being honest. Not even her stallions back in her realm would have to endure such spiteful food, how could he want her to swallow it? After seeing that he was the only one without standards to even consider eating this thing, Jefferson tried a bite. In that moment, Regina knew what being sorry truly meant. She was regretting not taking her cell phone to the table (Cora always said that polite girls shouldn't daydream or play at the table, oh if that woman read her head now) because she was enjoying very much Jefferson's vast reserve of colors: paper white, red, blue and green. He deserved it in the end. Seeing her father trying not spit his food (Regina would probably stab the man with her dinner fork from doing so), Grace almost knocked her plate in the floor. Jefferson coughed. Regina drank and Kathryn took her plate to the sink. That was when the little girls noticed a lazy cat laying under the table.

"Hey, kitten!" The lovely girl called it with an innocent smile. When her weird dad finally swallowed the despicable food and looked at the cat meowing at his daughter he almost leaped at the chair in fear, causing both women to look at his angry face. One was looking surprised. The other was rather bored and drank her apple cider.

"Stay away from Cora, Grace!" He shouted and glared at the cat as if the pet was trying to ask his daughter on a date. Oh boy! Regina couldn't even think how miserable Grace will be when the time comes down to it.

"So you are Cora, uh?" Ignoring her stupid dad, the girl sat on the floor to play with the cat. "My name's Grace and it's nice to meet you." Jefferson was seething and Regina rolled her eyes. Such drama queen.

"Is she Cora?" Kathryn whispered behind her and looked truly and deeply terrified. Regina sighed.

"Of course not. This is just Jefferson being his deadly stupid self." She didn't pretend to whisper or to take the man's feelings into consideration and he glared at her (she felt it, but when she turned to see it, he was examining his plate's design and looked rather engrossed by it). Her blonde friend sighed too and chose to offend Regina some more whispering:

"Are you two dating?" The blonde bit her lip rather attentive to her friend's answer and Regina chocked on her drink. Why were people mistreating her the whole day? She did nothing (ultimately) to deserve it.

"Please tell me you aren't serious." The brunette's face was twisted in such revulsion that Kathryn decided to forget her question in fear for the subject in hand (she knew her best friend could roast Jefferson right there just to prove her point) and smiled at Regina. He wasn't a bad guy. And was kind of cute (in a crazy way) too. And he was single… Her musings were interrupted by Grace's voice.

"Daddy, Cora doesn't want you food too, we have to give her something or she'll get sick!" The little girl was being so innocent that Jefferson tried his best to not throw the beast outta his window. And he managed it.

"Of course Cora wouldn't eat my food." He said conspiratorially looking straight at the Evil Queen. Regina's response was another roll of eyes and Grace took her supposedly mother to the couch (it seemed that they were having a talk, or rather the girl was talking and the cat was lazily laying).

"You know, Jefferson, just because the cat has standards enough to not eat your atrocious food doesn't mean that it is my mother under cover." How many times they would need to have this talk? Regina drank to occupy her hands or they could unintentionally set him on fire. He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but she could-" He started the same line again but luckily (for his health) Kathryn interrupted their conversation.

"We could take a pizza?" Kathryn said loud enough to Grace and Cora, the cat, listen and shout her support. Jefferson sighed defeated and Regina pitied her innocent friend trying (in vain) to save the end of that terrible night.

* * *

"What the fuck is wrong with this guy?" Seriously, that dumbass was doing some shit thing to his girlfriend and even had the audacity to blame her. How the fuck she didn't punch him? Well, both of us were still watching that TV show Henry was talking about earlier and we may or may have not eaten the whole pizza (which was good to put me out of my shameless drunken state).

"He's being jealous, I guess." I rolled my eyes.

"And since when he has the right to do so? He is a freaking liar!" The stupid boy on the TV show was verbally abusing his girl even after he screwed their relationship in every fucking way! Talk about being a prick.

"I guess you drank too much, mom." Henry sighed and I grimaced. Yeah, the kid knew I was right so he decided to hit me under the belt. This was so Regina…

"Whatever, I'm right and he is fu-"

"Language." He interrupted me just to admonish me some more. The nerve of the kid.

"Yeah, he is stupid and she should punch him, not marry him. Probably kill him or run over his stupid head with a car, maybe set him on fire, or-" There were some more stuff that the clumsy oaf could suffer, but Henry interrupted me. Again.

"Of course not, they are each other's True Love." With a fucking true love like that I rather die alone.

"That's bull-"

"Language, Emma." I rolled my eyes. Again.

"I would say bullying. That's bullying!" No, I wouldn't say that and he knew (if his unfazed glare was anything to go by). "I guess the Ice Bitch has more right to be the Nose Jew true love than this stupid guy." Surprisingly he didn't interrupt me and was only staring at my face, deep in thought. "What?" He crossed his arms and raised his chin. Oh hell would be rising soon!

"Well, I disagree." No shit, Sherlock?! I looked at his face intensely and it was he took his sweet time to finish his essay about the Midget versus Giant: a True Love tale part one. So I took my time to gulp a lot more vodka too. He rolled his eyes. "Well, he didn't insult her, verbally abused her nor physically provoked her. And Quinn certainly did it." He smiled proud of himself. Tricky kid!

"Yeah, he didn't do that stuff, but he lied to her, didn't defend her, laughed at her and used her. So forgive me, but from here, it looks far worse." I smiled cynically at him. He didn't have a chance and I knew all about dating motherfuckers anyway, so I drank. Experience comes with age (and bad luck, in my case), Henry couldn't win this match.

"Oh, and how can the blonde devil be better than him?" If I were sober I would know that this was a silly conversation. But seeing that I was far from it, I jumped at the chance to defend my point of view. Watching this shit was his idea nonetheless, I couldn't be hold responsible.

"Well, when you are dating someone, sometimes you have to step on and fight for your relationship, to protect it but only if it is worth for you." That was very deep; didn't even know where it came from. "And Talkative Jew over there was the one who chased the stupid Ice Bitch's toy, so she wasn't all innocent. Okay?" He nodded. I took another sip. "And yeah, she got the anchor of a boyfriend, but who did defend her, listened to her and almost died to make her happy was Frigid Blonde, not the Bumbling Brainless, right?" It was all so simple, he couldn't even argue with that. And well, he didn't. "And so, they may have had some fights and all that jazz, but sometimes that's the way some people use to show love. You can see that Prude Blonde Dyke is far too deep in the closet to even realize her own feelings." I was feeling a lot like Freud with that explanation. And right, I hadn't seen the whole thing (because I would lost a week trying to do it and would probably break Henry's notebook if I had to look to Dull Giant's stupid face that long), but we watched some videos just to know the plot and everything. It wasn't all bad, but I'm not sober enough to affirm that.

"Like you and mom?" I coughed with his question and it wasn't a pretty sign – nope – because alcohol burns like hell when it goes to your lungs. My gentlemanly son punched my back with a strange will and I thought that maybe he was upset with me. "Are you okay?" I just nodded and took deep breaths. That was a close call. "So?" He asked again after seeing that I would survive another day.

"What about us?" I asked truly curious. And dodging his question for obvious reasons.

"Well, both of you are always doing that stuff and arguing and fighting over anything. It is the same thing." I looked at him with wide eyes. I know I may not be the most normal young woman walking over the Earth, but I still wasn't crazy or suicidal enough to do this. We were talking about Regina, the Evil Queen, come on!

"You have got to be kidding me!" I grunted and got up. The conversation wasn't funny anymore and there was nothing else to say after that. I may be a lot of things, but I'm not chasing trouble and wouldn't dare to take that road. This was silly. Ugh.

"What?! Come you! We need to talk about it!" Henry moaned but I was already ignoring him. He must quit those crazy ideas while he can, it wasn't heath to think about such fucked up things.

"Good night, kid! See you tomorrow!" I kissed his forehead and almost ran out of his room before he could manipulate me some with those questions. Teenagers were strange creatures. I guess he shouted something but I wasn't sure so I didn't answer.

After I tucked my bottle into my secret place (under my bed), I went to the kitchen because my mouth was driest than Sahara (yep, try drinking alcohol like an old car, it does that to you), but Henry's question was still nagging at my head. What was that between Regina and I? Well, it wasn't hatred (not on my part, at least), but it wasn't like that stupid TV show also. And whatever that was, now she was seeing the son of bitch! How could she? He wasn't even attractive, the man was a wreck and brainless, and had a stupid smile and a dumb face and fucking ridiculous jokes. And that hat thing? Fucking absurd! He was useless and he didn't deserve her t-

"Oh my God! Was that an earthquake? Emma, are you okay?" Snow interrupted my musings (and I was thankful for that, because thinking about the fucking bastard was a waste of time) and scared the living hell outta me. "What was that? Is everything okay?" She asked looking at my face like I was ten and I rolled my eyes. But obviously that wasn't enough. "I heard this loud sound and… Oh thank God you are alright!" She hugged me as if I was going to vanish any moment and after some awkward minutes, she let go and took my face between her hands, smiling guiltily at me. Okay… When she sensed that it was kinda creepy doing those things out of the blue, she looked around the kitchen until she fixed her glare upon something. "What happened with my freezer?" What the hell was that?

"What?" How would I know? She saw my confused face and narrowed her eyes. Dear God, what now?

"Why my freezer's door is broken on the floor and what is its handle doing in your injured hand, Emma?" Wha-

"Oh!" It was my only response after gathering my head around the fact that yes, she was right and I was still holding an useless knob from a broken door of a door-less refrigerator. Well.

"Oh! Indeed! Can you tell what happened here?" She asked in a sweet voice trying to coerce me to blabber my mouth. But she wouldn't win.

"I guess it broke." I said smiling sheepishly. She crossed her arms over her chest and stare at me. Okay, she was freaking me out.

"And how can you still be holding the knob?" I glared at the thing in my hand like I could blame it for the crappy situation I was in. And I could. The blame was mine and I can put it where I fucking want to. And that was the mad fucker's fault!

"You see, Mom, I came here to take a glass of water and suddenly the freezer's door felt down and I tried to hold it by holding the handle, but we can see that it didn't work out." Looks like mommy didn't like my innocent story that much and got really mad (and scary).

"I see…" She was probably seeing my organs with such searching glare. But I just shrugged my shoulders and kept my cool. Yeah, I know I can do it. "And what happened to you hand, Emma? You surely didn't injure it trying to hold the handle, right?" She arched an eyebrow daring me to use this lie. Fuck! I'll have to come up with another lie.

"My hand?" Who never did this to gain some advantage time to form a proper lie? Well, you should. "Oh yeah, you know, that's a really long story…" And by the look I was receiving, I just discovered what I was going to do with my night. Fucking Monday! Why didn't I spend it sleeping? Argh!


	4. Uninvited

"Morning, Daniel San!" Ruby strolled through our office doors looking rather pleased with her joke. I rolled my eyes at her. After spending the whole night lying about how I screwed my hands to Mary Snow Margaret, I wasn't that giddy. And well, the fucking hangover wasn't helping at all. Completely ignoring my scowl at her, my best friend threw herself into a chair right in front of me and smiled a little more. "You look really awful." That girl really knew the way to a woman's heart.

"Thank you." I grunted at her. Not only because of my bad mood, but seeing as my hands were too fucked up to sign the papers (from where in hell those endless papers came? Christ! In over a year working here I've never seen so many useless and bureaucratic petitions), I was feeling too tired and cranky to play happy. She sighed and stole my pen from my hand (my wince in pain was lost on her) and took the documents (which I was indescribably grateful for) to sign them. Okay, I would be clapping (if my banged hands weren't hurting enough) and smiling if it wasn't for the fact that well, she was signing my name and she did it so damn well that I could definitely believe that I was the one who did it. "This trick comes in hand." I told the table, because honestly it was the only thing paying me any attention. I sighed. At least I was free from the torture.

"I'm here to help you 'cause I'm your best friend and you are really too wracked to do something good, but I'm mad at you." She said not even looking at my face. What the hell was that about?

"Why? What did I do?" I asked really curious and somewhat skeptical because angering Ruby is something so mysterious and surreal that I really thought it was only a myth. But hey! I'm here to break curses and unveil legends. Henry would be proud. She looked at me and my best friend had such sad face that I could beat myself for causing her this pain (but again, my hand is too injured to even cause my face any harm).

"Belle gave me a lecture about spilling our 'friendship' around the town." She used air quotes and I gave her a confused look because honestly, I've never talked to her lady for more than a minute or two, we actually just acknowledge and greet each other. How could this be my fault? She sighed. "Snow came at the diner this morning and praised her about giving me a shot even after knowing about me being a wolf. Which, I tell you that she _didn't _know!" She sneered the last part and I really felt her pain. Why the fuck Mary Margaret had to open her mouth?! "And it wasn't even the worst part!" Oh fuck me running! She grimaced and I messed my hair in frustration. "She said that she was a very lucky girl to have a girlfriend as good hearted as me and she was going to be our maid of honor 'cause, according to her, we were the cutest couple ever." Holy fucking crap! Ruby was shouting at me and I punched the table and groaned in pain (not my best move), but she wasn't done and didn't give a fuck about it. "So I'll ask you just this time, Emma. What the fuck did you tell her?!" Argh! Forget about Mondays, Tuesdays are even worse. My hands were throbbing in pain, my head was spinning with hangover and my ears were hurting from all the yelling. "So?" And she was pretty much giving me such a flaming glare that I could tell that I was very much fucked. Oh well, better be honest.

"Ruby, I'm really sorry about Mary Margaret, I told her to not ambush you." Come to think of it, I didn't tell her anything about not prying into Belle's life. Yeah, she was fair game. Crap.

"Excuse me?" She jumped off the chair and punched the table and cracked it (if I didn't know about the wolf thing, I would be certain that she was using some really bad shit), making me wince and hang my mouth open in surprise (and fear). Telling you that she was scaring the living lights out of me would be a huge understatement. After glaring at me some more, she took some deep breath to calm herself and sat down. I put my head in my hands and sighed. If I wasn't dealing with such an evil headache I probably would rape my head in the table 'til I had an aneurism. Sometimes death can be the better option. "I just want to understand, Emma! Belle is not talking to me anymore because she said that I couldn't even be honest about my feelings and I took advantage of her friendship and of the fact that she lost her memories to try and get into her pants." She whined.

"She said that?!" I couldn't picture Belle being so-

"That's beside the point." She glared at me and I gulped and nodded. "I just…" Oh crap, she was tearing up and it was my fault (well, not exactly because I didn't know Mary Margaret could have such a big mouth, but still)! Good way to make a girl feel guilty. I walked around and kneeled at her side. My best friend just gave me a sad smile after wiping her eyes so I took her hands very gently (I could go without feeling more pain, thank you very much) and smiled at her.

"I will help you with Belle, okay? I promise you, Rubes!" How would I do this? Well, that's beside the point, right? Anyway, I'm the fucking savior so I'll save their relationship, end of story. She gave me another smile (a little happier than the first, which is a good sign) and squeezed my hand.

"Fuck!"

"I'm sorry, I forgo-" She was apologizing while I was almost howling on the floor (the girl is a wolf, okay? She's too damn strong!) 'til she looked at me (not my best position, anyway) sitting on the floor, holding my (even more) injured hand and cursing out of breath. "Well, you deserved it, you know." I glared at her and she had the audacity to smirk at me. Damned she wolf! "But yeah, sorry." I rolled my eyes and she sat by my side smiling sleeplessly and took my hand to (mock) look at it. "It looks bad." She said a little guiltily I guess, but couldn't know for sure so I rolled my eyes. "Jefferson is really pig-headed."

"You have no idea." I sighed. I wasn't _all _Jefferson's fault because my right hand was still kind of sore from breaking Neal's nose, but the mad fucker finished screwing the son of a bitch's job. These men nowadays…

"Lemme guess…" She started with a small smile.

"I'd rather you don't." I sighed. She ignored me.

"So, you lied because you were going to assault Jefferson, right?" I nodded and she smiled even more despite herself. "And what did you tell Snow about your hand, anyway?" Hum…

"I told her that we were moving some furniture here and you dropped the table and it smashed my hands." I whispered refusing to look at her because well, I was not her favorite person at the moment and you all know the drill.

"So all your lies involves me, is that what you're saying?" I nodded ashamed and waited for another hard handshake or maybe a punch- "Damn! You really think a lot about me, huh? Wanna tell me something?" She gave me a ridiculous cocky smirk and she was lucky I couldn't break her teeth. "Well, Em, we can always-" Her attempt to hold me and whisper on my ear was stopped and for that I was very grateful.

"Ruby?!" Another voice interrupted her smug and bizarre proposition and I was almost glad 'til the moment I saw the person's face. "Oh, I'm sorry for interrupting you-"

"No, you're not interrupting anything!" But Ruby's plead fell on deaf ears since Belle turned on her heels and all but flew out of there. "Fuck! I gotta go!" She said jumping in her legs and running after her beloved friend leaving me static on the floor.

"Crap!" I said looking at the clock and getting up. "Shit!" My hands were hurting from the weight I'd put on it and still I was pretty late, which means that Reginenry was going to lecture me to death. Since yesterday he's obsessed with my relationship (or the lack of) with his lovely mom and that was the fucking icing on the freaking cake. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I stumbled upon the table leg and those fuckers' papers went flying everywhere. "Son of bitch!" After I arranged them (not exactly, I just threw them in the drawer. Well, I didn't have time to tidy everything up), I ran skipping steps to my car. But alas, I was still thirty minutes late. "Hell!" I was _so _screwed.

* * *

"Jefferson!" The Mad Hatter heard his name being called and turned to acknowledge whoever made the attempt to call him only to face Henry Mills running in his direction. Oh crap! He ventured some sideways glances looking for an escape (he had to deal with enough craziness coming from this family and wasn't looking forward to face more disaster), but he couldn't be fast enough; meaning Emma Swan's offspring was right in front of him smiling out of breath.

"Henry, what can I-" He smiled constrained and tried to make small conversation. To no avail.

"I know mom's going to dinner with Cora today." The kid said and he sighed. Why was God doing this to him? "You're going too, right?" Unfortunately he was. He nodded. Why he had to promise to keep Regina safe? Fucking mouth! Having dinner with Cora and Regina was going to be a walk in hell; he couldn't even come to grasp his oncoming doom. "Well, that's cool! I don't want mom to be alone with her, she is evil." Well, wasn't the kid's mother an angel herself? " Whatever, I know mom was the Evil Queen, but she is not _that_ evil anymore-" _That _was the imperative word. "and she deserves a second chance." Henry finished straightening his shoulders, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes. Jefferson sighed. This family will be the death of him.

"Look, buddy, I'm taking care of it, okay? Your mom won't be alone with Cora." He said with a grimace and Henry smiled nodding his head.

"Yeah, that's great! Now I gotta go because Emma is coming and she would suspect if she saw us together." After hearing the blonde's name, Jefferson paled and felt a shiver rock him to the core. Oh fuck! If the boy didn't start running soon enough, he would be the one to sprint the hell out of there. "Thanks, see you!" Henry saved his life putting his tiny boyish legs to good use and dashing like a pro in the other direction. Jefferson sighed, that was a close call. Talking about call, he still needed to give Kathryn a call to take care of Grace. He probably should contact a lawyer and give them the directions of his last will. Could Kathryn take care of his daughter if he doesn't go back home after the wicked dinner? Jefferson will ask her that, is better be safe than sorry.

"Dad! Let's go" Grace ran to him and took his hand dragging him to his car. He gave her a watery smile. Oh how he wanted to survive the dinner to go back to her…

* * *

"You're late." He said without looking at her face. Yeah, he had to admit that his Ma was looking like a train wreck, her hair was all messed up (probably because she may have freaked out about her lateness and ran her injured hand through her hair too many times), her face was flushed and she was scowling out of breath. But that didn't mean shit 'cause she was still late and his mom taught him that tardiness was a dreadful trait and it showed irresponsibility, so he wasn't going to let it pass.

"Look, kid, I had some problems and-" She started and that was when he decided to take a look at her. No, he was still mad at her about yesterday (first for being as high as a kite and second for ignoring him and his questions), so he wasn't going to play it cool.

"Whatever, let's go!" He got up (and honestly, he was the last kid hanging around the school) and started trotting towards her car, leaving a confused and surprised Emma after him.

"Hey, I know you're kinda mad at me, but it wasn't really my fault, okay?" She said after a quick dash to her car and opening the doors. Henry ignored her again. Well, it wasn't just because he was kind of angry at her. Nope! He was thinking about his plan and that was very consuming. So first he needed to know if freaking Jefferson was in love with his mom and he was hoping against hope that that wasn't the case. Not that he disliked the man per se, but his mom deserved someone who could put up with her and Jefferson was kinda slow. "Okay, you can't ignore me forever, you know?" His Ma buffed starting the car and hitting the gas. And his birth mom was confusing him too. That was his other plan. Could she like his brunette mom? Or maybe she was in love with Jefferson. No, that would be too messed up to even consider. But anyway he needed to be sure of it.

"I'll talk to you after you apologize to mom." He said disregarding her outraged face. In fact, he was kinda sorry because she could barely hold the wheels with her hands. Well, violence is never the answer, his mom always said that (which was funny if you focus on the fact that she was a little heart stealer, but whatever) and he truly believed it.

"Hey! I already did that, okay? Besides I don't even know what I was supposed to be sorry for." He could tell she was frustrated with that, so he sighed. Even being the Savior and all, his Ma still fitted the blondes' bad stereotype.

"You have to apologize for assaulting Jefferson." He said as a matter of fact. She snarled. "I mean it, Emma! After that, you could ask her to heal your hands with magic." He was very proud of himself, his mom would be proud of him too if she knew it. Okay, maybe not because of her relationship with his Ma, but he was surely a strategic guy, which he definitely didn't inherit from his birth Ma.

"As if she would…" She whispered but he heard it anyway and rolled his eyes.

"She will." He affirmed with conviction making his Ma look at his with confusion. He shrugged his shoulders. "I know her, okay? If you just apologize she can surprise you." Yes, probably in a bad way, but he needed his Ma to save his mom from Cora and it would be a plus if the both of them-

"And according to this great plan of yours I should apologize to _him _too, right?" The boy could say he was surprised to listen to his Ma snarl with such disgust about Jefferson. He was shell-shocked with such hatred. And seeing her son's face, Emma tried to change the topic. "Anyway, how do you know about it?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. He buffed.

"Mom called me asking if she could magically heal Jefferson because you almost killed him-"

"I did not!" He rolled his eyes.

"You did and she sent me a picture, okay? He was pretty wrecked." He crossed his arms and said with confidence ignoring his birth mother smug expression. "I asked her and she did it." Her mouth was hanging open and she was wide-eyed. He rolled his eyes. She was _so _slow. "You need to apologize to her because she assumed you were drugged to do that, and you have to admit that it wasn't normal, Ma." He could be a lawyer or a shrink 'cause living with his both moms required some smooth talking and lots of patience. "So what do you say?" His birth mom was now looking at the road (and he could tell that she was thinking about what he just said) so he kept quiet.

"Okay." Was her only answer.

"Okay?" He got to be sure.

"Yeah, I'll apologize to her about it; we can't have her thinking that I'm a drug addicted or that I'm some sort of psycho, right?" He beamed at her and had to hold himself to not punch the air. Instead:

"Yeah, you should do it tonight so she can't think about it any longer." He suggested and his only reply was a sigh and a nod. Yeap, he was definitely going to figure out what was happening between his moms and Jefferson. And with Emma at the dinner, his brunette mom would be safe from Cora. The only one in real danger would be Jefferson, but unfortunately Henry still had to prove the point that he wasn't dating his mom. And anyway, nothing can be perfect, right? Regina still could heal him after Emma assaulted him again, so no harm done. He smiled to himself, thank god he learned to plan with his mom, 'cause his Ma would be screwed if he wasn't that smart.

* * *

"What did she say?" Regina asked Jefferson while both of them were at the kitchen taking care of the dinner. In other terms: she was making dinner and he was drinking the distasteful vodka he brought with him. Not even on her deathbed she would let him anywhere near her food again; the man was devastating and could make her apple turmoil looks like a fancy meal. But still, he was there looking well cleaned on his clothes (Regina was surprised to see that he owned a nice enough suit, but was displeased when she saw him matching a tie and a threadbare jeans with it. He was still Jefferson, anyway) and gulping his drink with vigor. Perhaps he was afraid of Cora. If that was the case, she couldn't blame him, not after knowing what her lovely mother did to him.

_After going through a whole day without having to deal with anyone's craziness (besides her own), Regina could say her mood was better than the prior day. She gladly fell into her tidy routine of waking up in the early mornings (some would say that she woke up in the late of night, it was really _that_ early), making her own healthy breakfast (she would need all strength she could get to face that disastrous night) and took her moment to read her classics. After a good look around her study room, she opted to read Madame Bovary. Yes, the lengths of her despair could be easily compared to the central character of the book; both of them just wanted to be loved. Granted, Emma (and there was the unholy name mocking her again, as if she did need more tips to think about that disgraceful blonde) Bovary never killed nor stole someone's heart, but Regina was sure that this was only because the woman had no magic to do so. It was a shame actually how much she could relate to the character's pain after being thrown into a loveless marriage, with an undeserving man and having a child who only fumbled with her plans to elope. The only difference between their unfair and unhappy life was the fact that she really felt sorry for Bovary's (she refused to even think about that name) daughter, the girl was only trying to be loved by her mother (it would be an understatement to say that she walked in the girl's shoes her whole life). But as soon as that thought crossed her mind, the brunette dropped her reading (and almost burned the book with magic), it was too close to home to her comfort. She knew the end of that tale anyway; Madame Bovary always dies alone and without love (like she definitely will). And she would not comment about how much time she wasted comparing infamous Snow with Bovary's daughter. And she wouldn't say that her heart dropped when she thought that her unhappy marriage had nothing to do with the nosy brat who already lost her mother. No, those were completely different scenarios and she would not cross that bridge. She couldn't deal with doubting herself right now, after all she did. So she thought about Henry instead (the better and safe option) and she knew that if she had her golden boy's love, she would be forever happy, she wouldn't chase someone else's love and would never ever let him down (except that she did)._

_Angry at herself and at her thoughts, she spent the rest of the day taking care of her precious apple tree (after that Swan almost destroyed her loved tree, she really had to put more effort in the cares of it). She talked to Jefferson who invited himself to dinner with them and she made her point pretty clear that he would not touch the food if he wished to finish the night with both hands. He joked about having to touch it if he was going to eat it. She hung up the phone on him and went for a bath._

_Unfortunately, her mind really had a tendency to wander away on these moments. This meant that she had to think about all the worse scenarios that this doomed dinner could end if she did want to suppress a certain psycho drug addicted and violent blonde from creeping into her mind. And that she did. She thought about killing her mother with her dinner's knife; her mother beheading Jefferson all over again; Cora with her vicious smile holding Henry hostage; or showing holding hands with the atrocious Snow and both women laughing at her face; Jefferson turning the tables on her and taking her mother's side; she starting a war with Cora and destroying her prized kitchen; her mother poisoning their foods or putting both of them under a spell… The possibilities were endless and yes, she did have a creative mind. A certain cursed blonde showing up and hitting Jefferson again. At that she laughed (and sneered). Damn woman who didn't rest until she took everything from Regina! First is her town, second is her peace, third is son and now, for the looks of it, the appalling blonde was trying to take her sanity away too. But she wouldn't go down without a fight! Never did, never will!_

_The freezing water woke her up from her plans to avoid one and only Swan. She had no time to waste thinking about that vagabond delinquent and she wouldn't let that woman's madness get through her. She still had a dinner to prepare and survive to. And after choosing her best outfit, she went down the stairs to get ready to that whole craziness. After all, Regina Mills never backs down._

"She said that Kathryn cooks better than me." Jefferson's voice took her out of her reverie and she rolled her eyes. This wasn't anything new. Even her son could mix dirty and grass in a pan and it would taste better than Jefferson's attempt to murder her. "And she said that _Cora _liked her food too." Oh dearly hell! Not again! She dropped the spoon she was holding and counted to ten; the dinner would start in thirty minutes and she didn't have time to kill him and hide his body because unfortunately for her the food wasn't ready yet. "Anyway, Kathryn was really nice accepting the offer to take care of Grace." Well, Regina herself could take care of the little girl if it meant not dealing with the girl's father, but regrettably she had to endure him and her mother together. "She's cool, right?" And the damned man didn't know the meaning of silence. "And she's very pretty. Like a real princess. And so nice to everyone, always smiling a beautiful smile" He was grinning and rambling and luckily she ignored his blabbering nonsense because the knife she was now holding had such cutting edge that was probably more dangerous than the brainless idiot's sword. And if she was the one holding it… Well, it was a deadly weapon. "I just don't know what she was doing with that crap prince, you know? That man is fucking useless." That she could agree with. The oaf was so inopportune that he had to be saved countless time by the nefarious motor-mouth who lives only to haunt her. They did deserve each other after all, two moping idiots who couldn't fight their own battles.

"Well, dear, I would like to know it as well." She said suddenly a little more focused on her partner. She heard his frustrated grunt.

"Life is freaking unfair." Yes, she knew everything about it. There she was, alone and making a dinner to a mother who killed her True Love. Regina's life was the epitome of unfairness. She decided to put their dinner in the oven while she could drink to accompany Jefferson (and to forget about what is going to happen soon). Of course she wouldn't drink his offensive vodka, so she took her apple cider bottle and sat in front of him, pouring herself a drink. "I'm kinda nervous about tonight." After taking the first glass in a gulp, she poured herself another and arched her infamous eyebrow at Jefferson.

"I can see that." He nodded and gulped another glass. She did the same. They better finish their plan before both of them end up in rehab for drinking that much. They served themselves another glass and nodded at each other (they had nothing to toast to anyway).

"Your mother scares the fucking lights outta me." She scowled at his crude words but agreed internally (and internally only) because her mother could frighten even the death itself. "And I'm feeling like a school boy asking for your mother permission to take you out." Regina laughed and he chuckled with her. That was the crazier position she had ever found herself in. And with the crazier person (no, she would not think about Swan's madness) nonetheless.

"Well, she does have a thing for pure hearts, Jefferson." She smirked at him and Jefferson laughed. They were certainly a crazy duo. "And you should have brought flowers, gold coins and a ruthless army if you planned on doing it." She smiled and he swallowed, that was very much Regina's mother after all. But he decided to play along if it would make Regina happy.

"I could tell her that I already gave you my whole heart." He smiled his crooked smile and Regina beamed (and that alone was a sign to be seen, that woman could have anything in the word with that honest smile) taking a sip of her drink.

"I guess that would be dork." She smiled and he sipped his drink. I wouldn't be only dork, it would be suicidal. "And she would ask us to prove it and I'm sure it wouldn't be pleasant for you, Jefferson." He coughed and Regina laughed at his terrified face.

"Oh, I'm sorry to say but that means that we don't belong together." He said after coughing endlessly and swallowing so much alcohol that his whole body felt on fire. Regina nodded and smiled a little at him and he decided to be blunt to easy his mind. "Do you think she could cut my head tonight?" Her friend cocked her head and looked amused at him. "You know, cut it again…" He whispered in fear.

"Just tell her you are dating Kathryn now and the night will run smoothly." She told him serious and he smiled a little easier. Suddenly he remembered Daniel and what happened to him. He shivered. Of course Regina would run away from relationships, if he had to deal with a mother as fucked up as hers he was pretty sure he was going to be a priest.

* * *

"Why don't you use those heels?" Henry scared me again appearing at my room's door and pointing at my black leather boots. I arched an eyebrow at him. The kid was definitely acting too suspicious. First he asked me about the nature of my relationship with Regina, next he blackmailed me into apologizing to her and now he is picking up my outfit to do so. "What? I like it." He said defending himself and I narrowed my eyes at him. It was just a visit, not a date.

"Okay." I said and took the boots anyway, they were really nice. Without being invited, the kid waltzed into my room and opened my closet to ponder a little more about what I should wear. I mean, I wasn't that bad, okay? I was wearing some black skinny jeans and… A nice red bra. Right, I couldn't decide what to wear, but not because I was looking for the perfect outfit, that was just ridiculous, I just woke up a little uncertain today, that's all.

"I like this one; it looks nice and not too fancy." He said holding a long sleeved black shirt and nodded at me. I sighed and took it anyway trying to convince myself that he just wanted to be helpful and that he was smiling just because he loved me and not because he was prying into my life. "No! You are not wearing this!" He shouted when I tried to put my red jacked and he stole it from my hands looking disgusted. I rolled my eyes; this kid is losing his mind. "You could try going out without it, you know? The jacket won't die." Such a joker! I sighed; anyway I better get going and finish everything before he drives me crazy. "No! Just go with your hair down. It is looking nice today." He smiled his goofy smile when I was trying to make a ponytail and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What are trying to do, kid?" I asked wary and he grinned at me.

"Helping you." That was his only answer and after that he smoothed my hair a little more, beaming when he was proud of his job. "Now go so you can be back earlier." He pushed me out of the room and guided me to the apartment's door as if I could get lost or change my mind. Okay… He was up to something, that's for sure; I just had to know what that was. "Bye, Ma, Love you and take care! Do not come back until you and mom make up." He shouted at my face and before I could reply he shoved me in the hallway and slammed the door in my face.

"Hey! That's rude!" I yelled to the door and as usual I got no response. What the fuck is wrong with Henry? Was he dating or something? Because watching that gay TV show and asking questions about relationships and ushering me out of my house… Oh my! They were all signs! My kid is dating someone! But why didn't he tell me? Did he think I was going to judge him? Or maybe… Oh god! He was dating Grace! Fucking hell! That's why he went out with Regina and the mad fucker! Crap! I started the car and took my lead running up the road. I really had to tell that to Regina, she would know what to do.

* * *

"Do you think she is going to magic herself in or do you believe she is going to ring the bell?" He was most definitely curious about Cora's arrival, that woman could puff herself in the dining table or come flying on her broomstick for all he knew about her. Regina didn't know what to say so she didn't say a thing. He sighed. "Okay, we better take the stuff to the table, right?" He said more to himself than anything and took the plates and the silverware before the brunette could acknowledge him. Seconds after that she was helping him with the crystal glasses as he hummed a tune. His happy mood died when the bell rang and he froze on the spot (luckily for him he wasn't holding something), smiling maniacally at Regina. "Well, that answers my question." He said and took his time to appreciate his last seconds of life. At least Regina's dining was very neat and her carpet looked rather smooth, not that his dead body would have time to acknowledge it, but he hopped.

"Regina, dear! It is so lovely to see you." Yep! That was undoubtedly Cora's voice and his mouth dried at the prospect of sharing a meal with her. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why did he put himself into that mess? He shouldn't have agreed to Regina's plan. What was he thinking?!

"Hello, mother! Please come in." His partner's voice gave him the answer to his question; Cora could be a heartless bitch, but Regina would kill anyone who was suicidal enough to touch Henry. That put him a little more at easy; Regina was a force to be reckoned with and really wouldn't let anyone or anything harm their kids. That was why he accepted his imminent death with open arms; at least she would take care of his Grace. If Cora didn't kill her too. "And we have company for dinner." He heard her voice too damn near and had to drop his plans of running away, so he straightened his shoulders and closed his suit. The devil didn't have to know that he was fucking scared out of his skin.

"Jefferson?! What the hell are you doing here?" The bitch witch asked and he gritted his teeth. Regina rolled her eyes. Core glared intensely at him.

"He is having dinner with us, mother." The younger said rather bored at the subject and Jefferson took the opportunity to calm down.

"Good evening, Cora." He didn't shutter, that was a plus. Regina had her arms crossed and was charmingly supporting herself at the door-frame with a vicious smirk on her face (and if she wasn't soothing him with her eyes, he surely would have died from a heart attack). Cora was standing in the middle of the dining room looking rather crossed. Jefferson was holding (or being supported by) a chair and smiled like a kid high on candy.

"Well, if both of you could wait a little longer, the dinner will soon be served." Regina said businesslike and straightened herself when the doorbell rang again. The three of them looked around and both Jefferson's and Cora's gaze fell upon her. She sighed. The night didn't even begin and she was already tired. "I'll be back. Do not kill each other in my dining room; I don't want to clean up your mess." She turned on her heels and marched to her door. Couldn't this awful dinner begin soon enough to be over? No, apparently she had to deal with someone else disturbing her peace. Oh joy!

"You know, I'm dating Kathryn, Regina's friend." That was the last thing she heard before opening the door and that made her smile. If only her best friend knew what she got herself into... But that smile didn't last long, oh no! For all she knew, fate didn't like to see her happy. Or that or Miss Swan had camped out in her garden looking for the right moment to strike her down. Anyway, there was the blonde nightmare standing awkwardly on her door-frame with a nervous smile and two bandaged hands. Regina sighed.

"Miss Swan, what are you doing here?" A headache was growing behind her eyes and surely the night wouldn't improve from there.

* * *

"Regina, could I talk to you?" I asked after looking deeply into Regina's tired eyes. Couldn't tell that I felt any better, but I decided to smile at her, it was the least I could do.

"Is that conversation really important, Miss Swa-" She started with a tired sigh but I interrupted her.

"_Emma_!"I kind of warned her and she narrowed her eyes at me for a long second. After she saw that I wasn't backing up, she sighed again (and she must be pretty exhausted to quit our bickering that fast) and walked out of her house, closing the door behind her. Up that close, I could really take a moment to look at her outfit and well, she was rather incredible. Regina wore a black silk dress so very fitting that it almost looked like a second skin, not too short to be sluty and not too long 'cause she had killer tan legs that deserved attention, those endless legs came along with very lovely ankles which ended with two tiny cute feet and they had heels that looked long and sharp enough to be used as a weapon. Thank god Henry helped me choose my outfit 'cause I was embarrassing myself well enough with my wardrobe even now. But god! Those legs…

"_Emma_?" She called my attention and I dropped the teenage boy act (fucking hell what is wrong with me today?) and looked at her face. She wore little make-up and her hair was looking so shiny and smooth that I could _really_ run my fingers through her hair, they were _that inviting._ But well, after drooling over her hair (seriously, Emma?! What is this fuckery?), I took a look at her face (some more, not that I'm counting) and she was smirking such a cocky little smirk that made me roll my eyes. Yeah, she may be hot, but she is still an arrogant bitch. "Like what you see?" She asked me and I sneered (I do have a reputation to look for). However she seemed to like my answer (or the lack of, really) and kept smirking at my face. "Okay, now that we're passed your ogling phase, would you like to tell me why you are here?" I rolled my eyes at her. I wasn't ogling, I was just impressed with her outfit and liked her heels (and her soft legs too), and I could buy one of those and walk around. Yeah.

"Well, I would like to apologize to you about-" Before I could finish my humiliation, I heard a nervous laugh pretty much unmistakable and looked at Regina. What the fuck was going on? "Who is there?" She rolled her eyes at me and I glared at her. She wasn't dressed like this to have dinner with the motherfucker! I couldn't believe it! After all this fucker did to her, she was really willing to let him into her pants (or hot dress, or whatever)?! Where is her dignity?! How could she do this? Just because Henry was dating the fucker's daughter?! Oh! Now I know what he was planning! She wanted to spend her time with the son of bitch so Henry could have more time doing whatever kids do when they are dating. That sneaky boy! That devious mother! And both of them didn't even ask for my opinion! This is too damn wrong! "I can't-"

"Miss Swan! What a pleasure to see you here!" If my nightmare wasn't disturbing enough, fucking Cora appeared at the door smiling and looking conspiratorially at us and winking at Regina. What the fuck is going on?! She walked down the steps and put her hand on Regina's shoulder, still looking at my face. Oh god! This is a set up! I knew the mad fucker was working for her! I knew it! And talking about him, the son of a bitch showed his fucker's face (unfortunately it wasn't as artistically wrecked as it was yesterday) and looked so frightened that I was sure he was going to have a heart attack which unfortunately he didn't. Shaking her head at him (what the hell was that?! Weren't they working together? Why Cora was looking at him like he should just drop dead? Not that I had anything against the idea, but you have to agree that it was somehow disturbing even for them), she looked at me again. "Come on, Miss Swan, don't be shy! Regina here was just waiting for you to serve the dinner." She said that and I looked at her daughter who was wearing such a confused expression that put mine to shame. When Regina looked back at me she was wide-eyed and I'm pretty sure she was very much considering puffing herself the hell away from that. But I guess fucking Cora saw that too and she squeezed the Evil Queen's shoulders in a silent message that no, her daughter didn't have that choice. "I know both of you are facing a rough path, but True Love always overcomes it all." She said with a creep smile and my mouth just hung open. Jefferson almost fell from the steps in shock and Regina was looking like a statue (a very stunning one, not that I was paying any attention).

"What are you talking about, mother?" Her tone was harsh but that didn't bother her mother who kept smiling and rolled her eyes. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Cora dismissed Regina's question with her hand and smiled some more.

"You don't have to keep it from me, darling. Emma told me everything when we met before we came to this strange realm." She said happily and Regina turned her stony glare at me. Come on! I did nothing!

"I did what?!" I shouted but Cora ignored me, the fucker ran into the house to hide and Regina was still raising all hells with her best withering glare at me.

"Okay, we will talk about it while we eat, okay? I'm rather hungry." She said and turned her back on us. "And you two, don't be late!" With that, she was back at Regina's house. I couldn't even come to grasp the reality because her daughter turned on her heels to follow her steps and stood by the door.

"Regina, I swear I don't know what-" I rambled but before I started really embarrassing myself (some more) Regina spared me from the humiliation by only holding her hand.

"Aren't you coming to dinner?" She asked with a tone that meant that I didn't have other choice and without turning to face me. I sighed and I followed her; we still had to talk about Henry after all. Before I could enter her house she turned on her heels almost giving me a heart attack by invading my personal space (and I almost missed it. And almost missed a heartbeat too, but that's only because I was nervous) and whispered maliciously looking deeply into my eyes. "You better explain this, Miss-"

"_Emma!" _ She looked crossed, but I was tired of correcting her. Wasn't Emma easier and shorter than Miss Swan anyway? For a long moment she just looked at my face kinda analyzing me, which I didn't like. What I did like was the fact that I could feel her breath (unsurprisingly, she smelled of apples, which was good) on my face. We stood there for some time that I couldn't make myself care enough to track until she stepped back.

"Come in, I don't want the meal to go cold." She said and held the door open (such a gentlewoman!) for me to get in and I did. I guess I didn't think hard enough about the fact that I was having dinner with the Evil Queen her fucking mother, the Queen of Hearts, and the mad son of a bitch, but I digress. I always could be sorry later, that was my motto. And for all I know, I probably _will _be sorry later.

* * *

**A/N: **I'm kind of really unsure about this story, so I could really use some feedback. And if you think that I should stop embarrassing myself and just drop it, that's okay too. Just please, tell me what you're thinking. And if you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to share 'cause I'd like to know. Thank you all again and have a lovely week. Xoxo.

As always, sorry about the mistakes.

**Sadly, I**** still don't own a thing.**


	5. Comes back to me, burning red

"It looks amazing, Regina." He said after serving his plate and he smiled at his friend trying to lighten the aura in the brunette's dining room. Nobody gave a shit about his comment. However Regina smiled looking rather grateful for his effort. Jefferson beamed at her and she smiled bashfully in return (for the first time in years, Jefferson could say that he saw the young Regina, the nervous and so very pretty brunette who was still trying to find her way in a fucked up world. Well, she screwed everyone's life up yes, but that was beside the point.). Cora glared angrily at his smiling face and Emma sneered ruthlessly at him making sure to show her pure hatred for his very existence and leave no room for doubt (as if he could have any by now). He gulped in fear and cracked a smile at his plate. Well, after the adorable blonde surprised them showing her face at that wicked dinner, Jefferson decided to keep it to himself, but seeing that his brunette friend was stuck in shock and the other women clearly hated his guts and didn't even pretend to respect his presence, he decided to give another shot anyway, for Regina's sake. What was he going to lose? The wicked witch beheaded him once and the impious blonde wrecked his face some hours ago, so be it! The worst thing they could do was stab him with Regina's silverware, right? Anyway, that wasn't a healthy thing to think about because bitch Cora was sitting by his side and the murderous blonde was sitting right in front of him (when he tried to sit next to Regina, the mad sheriff almost tackled him again and Regina saved his sorry ass by trading seats with her evil mother; who, surprisingly, was throwing daggers at his skull when she saw the same scene). Oh god! He put his hand on his heart and almost jumped out of his skin when Cora took the fork and the knife to start eating. If he wasn't murdered by both crazy women at the table, Jefferson was sure he would die of heart failure.

"Oh, darling, you are such a gifted cook even with this eccentric food you have in this realm. What is this lovely meal again?" Cora was smiling like The Joker and Jefferson rolled his eyes at the creepy woman. How come she could praise Regina while he couldn't even breathe at the damned table? Her daughter sighed and forced a smile making the man want to giggle at the old witch (which he didn't for fear of something magically strangling him, of course, even the curtains were deadly when it came to that cruel whore).

"It is called Pesto Chicken Florentine, mother." Regina said drinking her red wine and smiling very much awkwardly at the old woman. Jefferson gulped his wine too because that staring thing going on there was freaking him out.

"Well, it is lovely, dear. Don't you agree, Miss Swan?" He chocked and gasped and looked at his lap to ignore the sheriff's deadly glare at his embarrassed face and Regina's confused expression.

"Yeah, it is outstanding, Regina." The scaring blond answered and forced a smile at Regina to Cora' delight. He was watching everything with wide eyes, but suddenly he just wanted to hurry the hell away from there. From Cora's oddly sweet smile at the brutal blonde to Regina's deer caught in the spotlights' expression and Emma's, as awkward as ever, poker face; that dinner was really his ultimate misery. The former Evil Queen smiled constricted at the fierce blonde and chose to let that weird conversation just die.

"Well, dear, I'm still asking myself what Jefferson is doing here." He rolled his eyes. Really? She was the fucking one who crossed all realms to scare and threaten him and the unbelievable peace he and her daughter were facing some days before and the bitch still managed to make everything about her. The delusional whore. Anyway, he kept quiet again, she might be nuts, but she was still a powerful wicked witch. Regina sighed tiredly and he swallowed hard when the blond sheriff almost cracked Regina's fork with her undue roughness after hearing the question. Man, these women where fucked up in the head!

"He is having dinner with us, mother." Jefferson knew his friend was very tired of giving her mother the same explanation time and time again, but the evilest witch was not amused. And, with a sideway glance, he saw the fearless blonde agreeing with the impious woman. How the holy Savior could support the madness of the Queen of Hearts? That must be a sight of the apocalypse. Or he was just too damn cursed to provide such dammed fellowship. And that was something he could agree with – his lack of luck was always transcendental.

"As a matter of fact, I can see that, darling. I am merely asking why he needs to be here." Because you can always blow the town to pieces, that was the honest answer but he bit his tongue. It was better dealing with the minor pain of hurting his own mouth than facing the bitch's wrath. Regina opened her mouth to answer but the unholy whore was faster. "Are the two of you having a romantic relationship or something alike?" Oh crap! Jefferson immediately crossed his legs under himself because the blonde's flaming glare was a dangerous warning of what could happen to him if he didn't pay attention to his surroundings (and he wasn't looking forward to have his shins kicked after all). He took a bite of the fancy chicken whatever, it was good enough to be his last meal.

"We are not having a romantic relationship and I'm quite tired of this question." She threw angrily at her mother and he swallowed again. If the Cricket were there, surely he would say that Jefferson had anxiety issues and some other psychological crap. The guy would probably be right, but seeing as the doc wasn't there to judge (the lucky sucker) him and even if he were unlucky enough to be invited, the man would almost certainly be praying for his life, not wasting time analyzing the terrifying reunion. Or Jefferson's insane mind.

"So you are just using him to make Miss Swan jealous." The amused woman said matter-of-factly and smiled a haunting grin. He almost broke his neck checking her daunting expression. The funny thing was that he wasn't the only stunned one, both women were hanging their mouths open at the shocking reply. Cora rolled her eyes.

"Excuse me?" Regina whispered almost hesitant and terrified of the hidden meaning behind the witch's affirmative.

"Dear, if you are not trying to make Miss Swan jealous and you are also stating that you don't have a romantic interest in Jefferson, and thank God you don't," He narrowed his eyes at her. Such a bitch! "I am really curious to know what he is doing here." She was still smiling and eating like nothing happened. The fucking bitch!

"I still don't know what your angle is, mother." And who could? Regina said without giving her wicked mother any attention. The old slut sighed exasperated – the four of them were sighing so much that Jefferson was sure no forest could make more oxygen than their dreadful topic. Regardless, Cora wasn't known for her endless patience.

"Regina, darling, I know you and Miss Swan are crossing a bumpy path in your relationship, but I don't see how making her jealous would improve it somehow." She was back at eating, Emma was back at looking like a ghost and Regina was… Well, she was very much affronted with her mother's romantic tips (which was very understandable seeing as the bitch's last advice before crushing her almost son-in-law's heart was 'love is weakness'). Or she was utterly pissed at the degraded idea of having any kind of relationship (besides mutual hatred) with the murderous blonde. Jefferson couldn't know for sure and he wasn't even interested in trying to, so he carried on his dinner. Alone, unfortunately, but God works in mysterious ways (he still could die before midnight and he would be damned if he didn't eat that delicious food before it). "Or are you trying to copulate with my daughter, Jefferson?" Flaming bitch turned her hellish glare at his heated face with explicit rage and he coughed like a dying fish.

"What?" Between his coughing fits, Jefferson heard an outraged Regina ask, but he couldn't do a thing about her hurting feelings – not when he has going to be the assaulted one.

"So?" When he managed to breathe without hurting his lungs, he turned to look at the horrifying witch. He trembled. He took a glance at a red and angry Regina and that didn't do much to assure him. But it was trying to sneak a peek at the infatuating blonde that almost scared his soul out of his body – the woman was seething and ready to bounce. Oh fuck! The heartless whore tried again (as if it could make him want to answer). "Are you trying to shatter their relationship, Jefferson?" She was smiling, but she could as well be pointing a sword at his neck and it would make no difference.

"No." He was almost glad that he didn't stutter, however he decided to not push his speech skills or his luck. And that seemed to satisfy the evil bitch.

"No?" Her smile was terrifying and he gulped and nodded. "So what are you doing here, dear?" Fucking woman! He looked at Regina but she was lost in translation and had a mortified expression. Nope, his friend wouldn't help him. He didn't need to look at the blonde to know that she was glaring a hole at his skull so he just sighed. What could he answer? Not the truth, obviously. Jefferson did consider himself a brave guy (brave enough to follow Regina's lead when the odds were completely against them), but he wasn't suicidal to admit to the woman that he and her daughter were trying to figure out a way to send her sinful ass to the next hellhole they could find. Not when she was by his side and he didn't have the courage to ask Kathryn to take care of Grace if he died. Fuck, he should have done that!

"Anytime now." The sheriff scoffed in a low voice and he almost fell off the chair in panic and fear. On the other side of the table, Regina got out of her funk only to look a little more outraged than ever before. And by his side, the impious bitch grinned. He stammered and gulped a glass of wine to easy this throat.

"Er... I'm very… gay friendly?" It sounded more like a question than anything else and the domino effect was really, _really _astonishing: mad Swan arched an eyebrow but couldn't hide her little amused (and was that hope? His eyes must be deceiving him) little smile; Cora didn't fall for it, however she grinned and nodded her head and Regina… The brunette was fifty shades of red and her mouth was hanging open in shock. But that wasn't the worst part. Oh no! His blood froze when surprised chocolate eyes narrowed at him in unmasked disgust. Oh hell! Her hands were surrounded by a purple smoke and her glare… Well, that glare could melt the whole North Pole (and his brain) and he gulped in fear. Dealing with the fucking witch and the nosy blonde's hatred was uncomfortable, yes, but pissing Regina was a death wish (she was the only one he could count on) and he managed to do just that. Holy fu-

"Well, that's good for you, Jefferson." He shook his head and swallowed hard because the evil bitch was definitely wrong. That was _so _not good for him. Anyway, his life was saved by the bell. Not literally (thank God! Lord knows that, with his lack of luck, Voldemort could be the one on the other side of that fucking door! And, yes, Grace loved Harry Potter and he had to suffer watching the movies more times than he could count), but his phone ringed and that was his cue to ignore their rage. So, trying to make a sorry face (when he was really jumping from joy), he took it. _Hate on me, haters_ was at the tip of his tongue and he bit it because the person who wrote this excuse of a song wasn't in his position (if they were, there would be no song because they would be dead before dessert), so singing that wouldn't be a smart move.

"Sorry, I have to…" His response was three glares, but those glares had different meanings. For example: The old witch was pissed because, he assumed, it wasn't polite to take calls in a dining table even when you're facing such a horrible dinner that, if he had a choice, he would choose death instead of being there; Regina was seething because of that gay card (but what could he say? He really didn't have another option); and the fierce blonde… Well, she did hate his guts and didn't need a reason to proudly scorn a little more at him. It looked like hating him was the understatement of the century. He ignored them all and answered his phone because that excuse was the best he could get. "Hello?" He didn't stutter. Another plus.

"_Hey, daddy! Am I interrupting?" _ His daughter had such a cheering voice that he couldn't help but smile.

"Hello, baby! Everything is fine and how are you? Hopefully Grace isn't throwing tantrums." He didn't know where the hell that came from, but from the corner of his eye, he saw Miss Swan relaxing a little bit. He relaxed too.

"_What are you talking about, dad? It is me! Grace!" _She was confused which was a shame because he was confused too.

"I know, darling, and I miss you too! We just started dinner and I was about to call you to know how my favorite girls were doing." Cora and Regina were rolling their eyes. That's what he called genetics.

"_We are fine, dad. Just finished eating and doing my homework and now we are watching Beauty and the Beast._" If she knew the true story behind this Disney's surreal plot, Jefferson was sure his daughter would never look at Rumple again. He knew he didn't.

"Well, that's amazing! Regina is sending you both a kiss! And I promise I won't be back late to put little lion to bed." He grimaced at Regina's arched eyebrow. That damn woman could see through most of his lies!

"_Hey! I'm the little lion and I can go to bed alone, okay? I'm not a kid anymore!" _ His daughter was almost yelling at him, but he ignored it (if the cruel whore and the mad sheriff knew about his little misplaced lie… well, there would be hell to pay).

"Yes, Kath, just don't let her convince you about not having a curfew, okay? She is sneaky like that." He said looking at his plate and getting up after nodding at the women at the table. Nobody gave him the time of day so he took that as his cue to leave.

"_Daddy, are you high?! You are talking to me and I don't need a curfew! I'm a young lady, okay?" _ He was far enough from the madness to take a deep breath. With Grace's incessant shouting, his fallacious story wouldn't last a second more if he stood around the deadly trio.

"No, I am fine. But tell me something, darling, is the _cat _still there?" He couldn't help but ask (and snicker at that wild doomed thing), right? He better be sure than taking chances when it came to that fucking bitch. His daughter, however, was not amused.

"_Of course Cora is here, dad! Where would she be? Were you drinking again or something? Because you are kinda crazy and not acting normal. Is everything okay with you? Is Gina alright?" _ He smiled. Thank God that was just your ordinary (which was enough of a curse, thank you very much) animal and not an evil bitch undercover. That was the best new of his evening. And he was sure it would be the only one (if the crazy women waiting for him at the table was anything to go by).

"Nah, I guess I'm just missing you too much, little lion." He gave the bathroom's sink a crocked smile. But again he was ignored. At least he wasn't being threatened by Regina's furniture (he knew about the magic mirror, so it wouldn't be that shocking knowing that she also had a magic sink). At least, not yet.

* * *

"Well, this realm didn't teach him politeness. He is still the same crude man." Her mother said with disdain and she sighed. Her head was pounding, her mother was driving her crazy with her little remarks and she wouldn't even mention the pest by her side. The awkward mad woman was surely obsessed and Regina was dealing with enough craziness coming from the traitor man. How could he accuse her of being homosexual? He was definitely chasing his death and she would be damned if she wouldn't grant him with it. Anyway, where his degrading thought came from? Of course the man just lost the last vestiges of his sanity and now was making jokes at her expense. She shouldn't trust someone who is called Mad, so why did she try? "Now that we are alone, I guess could say that I owe you an apology, Miss Swan." Her hatred thoughts were brutally interrupted by her mother's soulful words. What in hell was going on there?!

"Huh?" Not one to be known by her speech skills, the obnoxious woman chose to look as stupid as ever with her confused face. Regina sighed again, that family was an imprecation to her very existence. She didn't know if God truly exists, but she was sure that if He did, she unquestionably offended Him to no end if He had to put her in that unfortunate position.

"I guess I was pretty clear, Miss Swan," She was, Regina thought, but the blonde nuisance was as brainless as her moronic parents. "I would like to apologize for our last encounter before we came here." Why her mother was apologizing to the irritating woman was beyond her, surely the nosy sheriff deserved whatever anguish her mother put her through. Regina was just aggravated that she wasn't the one torturing the undignified delinquent or, on a last note, at least she could be there to witness that satisfaction, but fate, once again, denied her a second of happiness. Wait a minute, why was her mother apologizing at all? The brunette didn't even know that such word was present in the witch's dictionary and even then, why was she wasting it with the psycho blonde? "I shouldn't have tried to take your heart; that was uncalled for." She did what?

"You what?!" Regina almost screamed and without her permission, her right hand ended on the shameful woman's chest. And the most shocking thing was that her hand wasn't trying to take the heart from the appalling woman. What was wrong with her? She focused on the sly face by her side and completely ignored her mother's embarrassed expression. The surprised blonde was so red that Regina made a mental note to remember that shade because it would look beautiful for a dress. The troublesome woman's heart was drumming so wildly on her hand that she had to look down to be sure that she, unfortunately, didn't rip it out. Lost in her musings, she didn't notice Jefferson running from his hiding spot and back to the table like he had heard a shot. She couldn't pay attention to anything except for the burning feeling in her whole body. Did that happen with her mother when she tried to take the unbearable blonde's heart? An avalanche of mumbled feelings took her hostage and in that moment she knew that none of those belonged to her. It was the easy part to distinguish their feelings, really. For one, she wasn't anxious nor tense and not even had an uneasy feeling in her stomach (it couldn't be her food, she knew that). But those feelings had so many layers that she was too shocked to try to find out. "How?" She whispered looking at the uncorrectable face because the woman _had _to know about it, they were her feelings after all. Was she really that frightening? Because even when she tore hearts without second thought, she never felt this connection or the amount of feeling radiating from someone. Of course, people always begged and cried making empty promises and kneeling at her feet without a flick of shame. And she felt that, their misery and hopelessness, but the bothersome blonde was feeling rather elated. Regina gasped at the feeling – because, honestly, who in their right mind could feel that way when the Evil Queen, well known by her a little over the top habit of taking hearts, held her hand to your chest? Only one person ever felt like this…

"I believe it is because she has the magic of True Love, darling." Her mother replied and she got out of her reveries. That wasn't her question at all. She wanted to know how the woman felt so ecstatic facing such gruesome threat. There was only one explanation: Miss Swan was as crazy as Jefferson and, on her note, that was as bad as one's psychological condition could ever get. In other terms, there was no coming back from that psychosis. Said mental unbalanced woman was taking short breaths and her feelings were warming every fiber in Regina's body. It wasn't like when she summoned her fireballs, not even close. When she did it, of course, she felt her magic running through her veins and that gave her an illusory feeling of warmth. But with Miss Swan's craziness the feeling was as real as every material thing could be. It made her blood run like lava and she felt like she was literally combusting from the inside out. So that was it, the final indignity she would suffer from the blasted woman, her magic (and mental illness) would consume and burn the Evil Queen like a volcano.

"Regina, your eyes…" It wasn't enough to put her through that devious feeling, it seemed, because as soon as Regina used her traitor hands (the right one was the responsible for her imminent death, but her left one was as guilty as the other for not stopping it) to hold on her dining table, the depraved woman hold her forearm, making her glare at the blonde's idiotic face. The nerve of the woman! "They are… changing colors…" Said eyes rolled in response and a sneer followed their lead. The damn woman didn't tire herself of being so stupid.

"Holy crap!" Jefferson's way with words always aggravated her to no end but not at that moment. One look at his miserable face and she knew she lost control again. Damned Miss Swan!

"Hey, it is fine." The wicked savior was squeezing her forearm and whispered to her ear. And even then she still felt the blonde's heart rapping in her bones. What the hell was that suppose to mean? The nefarious woman was just holding her arm and Regina was feeling the blood rushing through the woman's incapable system and making her heart beat like a drum. "It's okay…" No, it wasn't because that only made her feels even smaller. And guiltier. And closing her eyes (because the burning green from the mad blonde's eyes was contrasting with the burning red she felt wrecking havoc inside her) she saw a long gone face. Her supposed to be happy ending.

"_Your heart beats fast and so loud." She was back at the stable looking at her one and only True Love and smiling, because that was what happiness tasted like; long walks holding hands, earth-shattering hugs and laying her head at Daniel's chest. If her old self knew how much she will miss this feeling of pure bliss, she would probably hold onto every second and every breath he took._

"_It's because it missed you just as much as I did." He was grinning a dazzling smile and holding her to set both their hearts at ease. And he was the only one who could do it._

"_Do you believe love could last forever, Daniel?" She said not looking at him in shame. She knew her mother was suspicious of her whereabouts so she had to be sure that no matter what she tried, they would be together forever._

"_I don't know about everyone, my beloved princess, but I am pretty sure that I will love you even after my heart stops beating." He said caressing her hair and kissing her forehead. Even now, after many years, in a cursed land with an adoptive son, her heart shattered again after hearing that because now she knew how it would end. How it always ended._

"_Don't say that! How could I live if your heart stops beating? It wouldn't be fair to exist in a world without you." Oh how she was right…_

"Regina, please look at me! It's alright. You're going to be okay…" Regina heard an unmistakable voice coming from the mistake pro woman. Even her memories were now tainted by that cursed blonde!

"_Just… Let me go." His voice was now filled with pain and regret and she doubted if he was regretting her. If he too thought that her love was poison, that he would have a chance at life had he not crossed paths with her, that she didn't worth the price he paid because of her wrong love. Because she didn't know how to love very well, her love was ruined. But oh, how much she could love! How much she _did _love this man! Every passing second through every year, everything she did was because of him, couldn't he see this?_

"_No. No, I won't lose you again. Without you, I'm lost. Daniel, come back to me." That's the thing about love, she may know the end, but that didn't mean she wouldn't try. That she wouldn't hold onto him even when he wasn't her Daniel, just a shadow of what he used to be. Because she would._

"Come one, Regina! Please come back…" The infuriating blonde was now taking her hand and holding her face like she did when she tried to preserve Jefferson's life the day before. And what for? She should have let Miss Swan kill him; at least he would not make jokes about her sexuality at her own home. If she were childish, she could have said that sleeping with him turned her into a lesbian. But she didn't have ten years old or that sick sense of humor her companions seemed fond of. Those peasants didn't know a thing about respect.

"_But I love you." It shouldn't hurt this much loving someone. But it did. Loving him was like being crushed over and over again. She couldn't have him, she never could, and he didn't want her to. He didn't want to be a monster because of her love and her inability to let him go. But the things you do for love… The things she did for love! That must be the true magic, loving above and despite everything else. And that was something she could do, even when no one believed her, she always could._

"_Then love again." Daniel crushed her heart twice. When he was murdered he took a piece of her heart with him, a great piece and he ran away with her hope, with her naivety, with her chance at happiness and that was the first time. But this second time was the deepest. How could she love someone when the odds were all against her? When her love brought so many terrible things to everyone? Except loving her son. He was the greatest thing that happened with her curse. Even when he came with an exasperating mother and disgusting grandparents. And she loved Henry. That wasn't up for discussion. But to love someone else again the same way she loved Daniel? It was almost impossible, right? And even if she could, that would be difficult because who would love her back?_

"Hey, it's okay, Regina! I don't really know what's happening but I could use you when the winter comes. You could warm me better than Mary Margaret's blankets." And the damned woman was still talking as if the world would end up in silence. "I didn't mean it like that. Not that it wouldn't be great, because, you know, it's you. But I'm talking about magic. Just that. No sexual innuendos underneath. I guess…" She was still blabbering incoherently just like her loudmouthed mother, what a joy! But as surprising as that could be, for the first time, Regina felt grateful for the abhorrent attitude. Yes, even listening to that ungracious woman was better than reviving those moments. That was a summary of how very lucky she was.

"_I fell in love with your heart, my beloved. Your capacity to love and care for someone is heavenly. I always told myself that if someone could go to the ends of the world for love, it would be you. I will be pleased to take care of such good heart." Her memory took her back to the doomed day she ran to rescue depraved Snow. If only she knew… But seeing Daniel's face again made her smiled despite herself. He was right, as always, thought 'love' would be stretching her motive of cursing everybody to another world to no end. The truth of his statement wasn't up for discussion though – it was right, anyway –, her only doubt was if she still could love so willing and pure. And would she?_

"Holy hell! That was about fucking time!" Her body felt on fire, her heart was pounding, her head was hurting from the mumbled memories and she felt incredibly tired. But not enough to let Miss Swan's crude comment go without a sneer at her. "Regina, you…" Of course the damned woman couldn't even form a proper phrase after all the rambling she just did. She shook her head out of the blonde's immoral octopus hands. Wasn't enough what she did until now? Anyway, she looked at the sheriff's ridiculous face with every intention of chastising her erroneous behavior, but one look at her silly face and Regina lost her train of thought. The blonde was even redder than her succulent apples, her breath was forced like she just ran a marathon and her eyes were dark like wet leaves and clouded with a look Regina wouldn't dare to name. What was that? Was the shameful woman having a stroke? Or was she… No, she wouldn't even entertain such crazy idea. That would be preposterous to do so.

"Regina…" Jefferson's whimper caught her attention and she turned to look at him. He was feeling uncomfortable, that's for sure. He had the same heavy breath and red face (thought he looked like Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer). What was wrong with everyone? "Er, are you okay? Do you need something?" He asked with a rasping voice and she arched her eyebrow. Before she could answer or just ponder about the situation, another wave of feeling invaded her and she almost lost control.

"No, she doesn't!" Miss Swan grunted by her side and that was when she measured the feeling that was assaulting her: Regina Mills was fuming with jealousy. The brunette couldn't know if she was shocked from naming this rampage or because she felt her magic swirling around her and trying to blow Jefferson. Yes, she was still livid with his stupid remark about her, but killing him at the dining table would do more harm than good. She had to think about Grace. And her dining room. And if she could think clearly, she would be asking herself where this hatred came from, but she wasn't even thinking. She was so lost with her uncontrolled emotions that it was a last wave of her hand that saved Jefferson from three flying forks and two knives from stabbing his face. And, with great surprise, she saw that she was the one responsible for that ghostly attack. Her partner's face was lifeless and for a second she wondered if she did kill him. But thank God, the man was alive (the same couldn't be said about her curtains, unfortunately)! She didn't have an explanation to give to Grace if she unconsciously assassinated the girl's father after all. She took a look around and everybody was holding their breaths and Regina suddenly felt lightheaded. Maybe the amounts of magic combined with the unknown feeling and her heating body were the last straw her temper could deal with and she got up, seeking even the slightest bit of pride she could salvage from the mess and finding none. On her rush, Regina almost knocked her chair down. Her mother, who was sitting unexpectedly still, didn't even take a glance at her impolite behavior and that almost made her stay.

"Jefferson, I…" She couldn't say that she was sorry because she had no idea what happened with her, so she just sighed. He would understand (he better do). "I need a moment." The distasteful blonde made an attempt to hold her and to extend her despair but Regina shook her head. She didn't and couldn't stay, so, with a remorseful glance, she walked out of her own dining room.

* * *

"I will see if she needs something." The fucking nerve of the man! He didn't wait for a reply and all but ran out of my sight. Oh but he could run all the way he wanted, but could never hide! I'd chase him down to the ends of the world if it comes to it. If he thought that he was going to put the knight card with Regina under my fucking nose, he was too damn wrong! So I stood up too, I couldn't let him take advantage of Regina when she was already all messed up. But you guess who would ruin everything. Yep, Cora, the whore!

"Could you sit, Miss Swan, I guess we could talk about some-"

"No, I can't and I have nothing to talk to you. Excuse me." I didn't let her finish the crap she was trying to put up because time was running short.

"You know that Regina is now an empath, right?" That made me turn around and glare at her. "It was your feeling being amplified some minutes ago, Miss Swan, it wasn't hers." What? What the fuck was she talking about?

"What the hell?" I was angry at fucking Jefferson, I had some issues to talk to Regina and her whorish mother was keeping me from rescuing her from that motherfucker man! Could it get any worse? Yes, it could.

"I am only saying that you have to take some control of your emotions before you make Regina do something she could regret later." Ha! That woman must be high on crack if she was thinking that anyone in this whole world could make Regina do something she didn't want to. This witch didn't know her daughter at all! The only person in this goddamned earth who could charm Regina into doing anything wais Henry and, besides sharing blood and genetics, I am most definitely sure that we didn't share this same magic. "You are in love with my daughter and you are also seething from jealousy." She said that like she was talking about the weather, still eating untroubled. What is wrong with this woman?

"You surely hit your head really hard before coming here." I said disgusted. She should have gotten an award for that brilliant display of reverse mindfuckery. But I wasn't going to buy it nor would I just let Jefferson get away with his evil plan, so before the bitch could answer, I dashed the hell out of there.

"They do say something about blondes' and their slow rationality…" I heard her sigh and I guess it was something like that, but whatever she said, I had nothing to do with it. Oh no! Thankfully I didn't stick around to hear her whine because I arrived at Regina's kitchen just in time to see (and put an end to) the God forsaken scene. The fucker was putting his filthy hands at Regina's shoulders (what the hell is wrong with that man? Couldn't he respect other's personal boundaries?) and she shivered, probably in disgust from such action. That was the third time the man whore clown was touching her without her permission and if he thought that I wasn't counting, well, new flash, I was keeping a fucking list of it!

"Jefferson…" Regina moaned and that sucked the air out from my lungs. What. The. Hell? "Go away…" Oh… Oh! She was getting rid of him, not that I was worried, anyway, but that was nice. Even if it meant that I couldn't break his neck for the moment, but there's always a tomorrow. And he was getting away from Regina, which was my point – for now.

"Hum? Wh-" Before he could humiliate himself more, he took a look around until he saw me. Yeah! Good! The guy got so pale that even Casper, the ghost, could look healthier than him. I smiled at his stupid face and he gulped. Better run now before I change my mind, fucker. As if he could read me, he turned to Regina (who was trembling and holding her kitchen table) nodded and ran away. I almost shouted a 'and never come back' but I guess that quoting The Lion King wouldn't do something good for my badass-ness, so I walked to where the brunette stood because we needed to talk. I couldn't erase from my mind the feeling of her hand on my chest or the look in her eyes while she was doing it. It felt like she could read my mind and that was the scariest yet thrilling thing I've ever felt. She didn't try to take my heart out (and if I'm honest enough, it wouldn't have confused me that much if she did it), instead she just looked at me in bewilderment with hazel eyes. Yes, it was still shocking to watch her eyes changing colors, but it was a beautiful sight. Not because of the color scheme or that crap, but it was the second time I've ever seen her being vulnerable (well, the mine incident being the first, obviously, but unfortunately that was centuries ago and I was too worried about Henry to really cherish the moment) and that made her look so much younger that I could have hugged her. If I wasn't scared for my life at the time. The way her hand made my heart beat faster and warmed my whole body… It just felt as if I couldn't lie to her, or pretend anymore. Felt surreal. And very-

"What do you want, Miss Swan?" Her eyes were mostly amber with some flicks of different shades. That was the most stunning thing I've ever seen. As they were reaching her pupils, the shades were getting darker, giving an amazing depth to her stare. She narrowed her eyes. Yeah, she was still the same impatience little control freak. Her hair wasn't straight and it was pretty clear that she ran her hands through it in frustration; her lips were still red and were pressed in a thin line. Well, if it was some time ago, I would be positive that she was being her bitch and overall moody self, but right now I knew she was just tired. She sighed and frowned some more. Okay, she may be a little sulky too. And that made me smile at her exasperated face. Regina just blinked in surprise and looked a little more freely at me (and by freely I mean frown-free, yeah it was a nice start), as if she was seeing me for the first time. Perhaps she was, because I was too damn sure that I was really seeing her for the first time too. I wondered how her face managed to still be so flawless despite the constant frown plastered on it. And God! She was beautiful. Unbelievable so. "So? Do you plan on-"

"You." Before she could even finish her sarcastic sentence (probably throwing a couple remarks about my mental health), I kissed her. Yep, really kissed her and don't ask me why, but that felt too freaking good. I know that even if I had a good lawyer and a lenient judge that attack could still be understood as a sexual assault, however that was a price I was willing to pay. Because, well, I was the sheriff and seeing as her mouth was still open (because Regina really liked to talk a lot. And I liked to listen to her too because her fucking voice… wow) I put my tongue inside her mouth and let me tell you something, that woman was sinful! Before I could brace myself for the oncoming blow, Regina threw her arms around my neck and kissed me back like it was the last day to live. And boy, everything they ever said about weak knees, I got to tell you after that kiss, they were true. My heart was ramming against my ribcage and my body was on fire and when she shoved her tongue inside my mouth it felt like throwing oil in a ragging inferno. Every ounce of control went straight to hell after that. She did taste heavenly (like apples, who would have guessed?) and her lips were soft as they moved in sync with mine. Yes, her tongue was still trying to win the battle against mine but I knew for a fact that I was meant to lose every one of those battles from that day on. She threw her body forcefully at mine that I couldn't do anything other than hug her tightly. Like she could disappear or like I could wake up. Her hands quickly found their way into my golden locks, holding me in place with strength I didn't know she possessed. Her hold on me was so strong that I doubt that I could break free even if I wanted to (and honest to God, I didn't), all the while I could feel every inch of her body pressed tightly against mine with desperation. But suddenly that wasn't enough and I thought that a bed would be really helpful, but unfortunately I could just pin her against the wall (she did bite my lip, guess it was her way of making me pay), but it still wasn't enough... She smirked at me. I nearly died. I was so fucking turned on that she could make me come with this heavy make out and her addicting lips. The things she could do with those lips…

"What are you doing?" She asked huskily and breathlessly when I was squeezing her thighs and I took my moment to kiss and bite her sinfully inviting neck. She took one hand out of my messed up hair and griped my ass making me moan at her ear. She bit my earlobe and whispered again. "What are you doing to me, Miss Swan?" I would have rolled my eyes if the 'miss swan' thing haven't destroy my already crumbled self-control and that made me dive again at her mouth. This kiss was even more desperate and hungry than before and she instantly wrapped her arms around my shoulders and her legs around my hips as I used the wall to balance ourselves. Her hands were everywhere at the same time and she was tucking Henry's fashion choice of a shirt so recklessly that I was surprised the thing wasn't ripped (the material was better than I gave it credit for and that made sad somehow. Life would be simpler if they made crappy shirts for these moments). I was kissing and biting and nipping at her neck and she was making delicious noises that got me wetter by every second. She was growing restless (and I could relate to her) if the fact that she was grinding against me was some sort of clue, but I was still trying to keep my cool (that was the hardest thing I've ever did in my whole life) because I couldn't wait to hear her beg me to fuck her against her kitchen wall. The though alone was turning me on so much that I had to kiss her again. However I lost my last hold on reality when she clawed my back and I knew I was moaning like a shameless whore. The devious woman smirked delighted at being so evil and bit my earlobe. "What are you doing to me, Emma?" She asked again even huskier and rough than before (damn her voice!) so I guess she was really curios. Still that got me sad (letting that delicious mouth go was like losing a limb) but I took a deep breath to calm my raging hormones (to no avail). Because honestly she was lucky she was so fucking pretty. 'Cause interrupting our action like that, well, that was really evil.

"Kissing you." I whispered and tried to keep up with my job because I've never felt such longing and need, it was almost impossible to want someone that much. I felt like she could set me aflame with her lips and that was the best way I could die – cause of death: magically combusted from Regina's wicked tongue. I could really imagine my epitaph. She smirked again and licked my neck. What the hell was going on there? Well, I would be one to ask, but fuck me if I wasn't going to enjoy the crazy ride. She may kill me later if she wants to (I was still hoping that she wouldn't, for Henry's sake), but in that moment, I was thanking whichever Gods or spells or whatever psycho thoughts that were flowing through her head. Yeah, sue me, but I rather kiss her first and face her wrath after.

"So why is taking you so long to return to your job in hand, Miss Swan?" Fuck me running! She didn't need to tell me twice before I attacked her lips with all I could. Her hands found their way back at my hair and her tongue and lips did unspeakable things to my mouth and I used one of my hands to grip her ass while the other was trying to reach her panties (the dress was very hot, but was way too damn difficult to work around). She was squeezing my boobs and couldn't seem to make up her mind between biting my lips or licking my mouth (not that I wanted her to make that dreadful decision anyway) and I didn't know how I was still holding her up because my knees were almost giving away from her devilish ministrations. Regardless, we didn't fall because I was too horny, but that was the last thing I felt before I flew all the way to the sink. Well, payback came sooner than I would have imagined. Nobody said it was easy making out with a prudish witch now, did they? But the surprising thing was that Regina too was looking shocked (and all kinds of high and dry, so yeah, excuse me for not feeling sorry at all. Tell you what, if she looked like that right now, I can't even think of what she would like after being fucked. God help me!). So if it wasn't her then who the hell-

"When I told you to control your emotions around Regina, Miss Swan, I wasn't telling you to try to have a sexual intercourse with my daughter against her kitchen wall." Of course! That could only be fucking Cora! "Your highly vulgar attitude was making us very uncomfortable." The cockblock witch was looking like she had just ran a marathon (which would be laughable, if you can only imagine), but it was when I saw the motherfucker's face that I literally saw red. Yes, his stupid face was a dead giveaway, but it was a tent in his pants that boiled my blood. How dare the son of a bitch be hard and stand between us looking awkwardly at Regina? Oh but he will die! And it will be right now!

"Stay the fuck away from her or I will kill you, son of a bitch!" I yelled at him and ran in his direction to knock the fucker down. The disgusting man! Oh that will be the last time the useless thing between his legs would make an appearance. Yeah, you can count on it! After I ended with his idiot face and smashed his worthless dick, he would be as woman as the three of us were. The man whore! But of course, before I could complete my leap at his imbecile's face, the other bitch threw me away (again) at the freaking kitchen counter. "Hey! What the hell?!" Just when I was thinking that she hated that fucking stud as much as I did, the traitor witch protected him! But, on the bright side, Regina blew the fucker away with a purple thunder (take that, you dickhead!) At least she was just as angry with them as I was.

"Argh!" The fucking clown yelled when he cracked the kitchen's door with his pig head and I smirked. That's how we do things! However, my good mood was interrupted when the old whore tied Regina against the wall with magic (I was doing the same fucking thing seconds ago and it was only more enjoyable for both of us when she tossed me away like a rag doll, so why the hell she could do it while I couldn't?) which enraged me like nothing ever did (well, maybe the motherfucker did). So yeah, I closed my fist and ran at her. Nope, I didn't punch her bitch's face because, like déjà vu, the bitch threw me around again but that time, she tied me up like she did with Regina. What the fuck is wrong with the woman? Was she going to make a remake of the Saw series and torture us to her own delight? Well, bitch's sick 'cause Regina was her daughter and even then, why wasn't the mad fucker suffering like us? He should be the first to die because he was too damn stu-

"Could you please stop projecting your feelings on my daughter, Miss Swan? Are you that goofy or are you trying to kill us all?" Cora was gritting her teeth in anger and I looked at her daughter's face. Regina was looking as lost as I could imagine (probably worse than me) but she stopped fighting against her mother's magical ropes. I quit trying to get away too 'cause my back was starting to hurt from all the flying around exercise and honestly, she wouldn't let me go and I couldn't see any knife around reachable enough to help me with my quest. The infamous whore sighed and relaxed a little bit without letting us go. I presume the mad man whore was still knocked out (such a lady) 'cause he didn't show his shameless face after Regina's blow and that was a plus.

"Can you tell me what the hell is going on, mother?" Regina threatened and God help me if it wasn't as sexy as hell. She too seemed to agree 'cause she looked at me like I was her next meal (and I wanted nothing more than be ate by her). Her eyes were captivating and, unlike earlier, when they were almost all honey colored with some flicks of brown nearing her pupils, now they were doing the reverse way, the chocolate was getting lighter from the pupils to the edge of her irises. There were no words to describe it and yet, it was so captivating that I couldn't help but dumbly stare at her face. I smiled at her 'cause she was really enchanting.

"You look beautiful, Regina." My mouth said out of the blue and she looked at me quizzically before smiling sincerely. And let me tell you what, there weren't any headlights in the world brighter than Regina's smile. Just the sight of it made my heart beat faster and happier, as cheesy as it could sound. That woman was definitely the fairest of all lands, worlds, realms and dimensions. And I beamed at her because the considered Evil Queen, my friends, was smiling timidly right back at me.

"Oh please, could you two drop the teenage act? It is rather nauseating to feel those unsettling emotions changing in seconds." Evil mother said and we both rolled our eyes at her. She should just fuck up and leave us alone if she was that uncomfortable. Nobody asked her to interrupt us anyway. "I guess we could eat the dessert here anyway, seeing as we all are very comfortable." The only thing that I wanted to eat was her daughter but I didn't say it out loud because the bitch already had a stick up her ass and I wouldn't like to come off as cru- "Could you please control your feelings, Miss Swan?" She snarled at me, what's her freaking problem? What the hell?! I didn't do a thing! "Oh this is going to be a rather long night..." She sighed and sat down around the kitchen table massaging her temples. Oh yeah, she was the fucking one tying us up and still wore a tired expression, way to make everything about her. Before I could throw every expletive I learned (foster kids did have a dirty mouth), my phone started to ring from the floor (guess it fell out with all the flying).

_I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away. Ricochets, you take your aim. Fire away, fire away. You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium. You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium._

"Where is this godforsaken sound coming from?" The crazy witch said and I rolled my eyes. Okay, it may not be the greatest song of all but don't need to be a bitch about it.

"It's my phone." I sighed. At least the woman would let me go to answer my call. Or it was that, or we would listen to David Guetta until the kid gave up calling me, which wouldn't be happening anytime soon 'cause that boy is too damn stubborn that I only imagine him ringing me to just piss me off (much like his adoptive mother). Cora looked at me like I had five heads and Regina was rolling her eyes.

_Cut me down, but it's you who'll have further to fall. Ghost town, haunted love. Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones. I'm talking loud not saying much._

"Frankly, Miss Swan," Oh, now Regina was back to 'miss swaning' me. A nice turn since less than five minutes ago her tongue was so deep in my throat that I was just glad I didn't have amygdales or it would feel uncomfortable. But hey, what do I know, right? "couldn't you have picked a more demoralizing song?" She chastised me and I rolled my eyes at her. It was just a common song, that wasn't some secret cult of creepy people worshiping the devil, for God's sake!

_I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away, fire away. Ricochets, you take your aim. Fire away, fire away._

"Come on, it is not that bad! It's just a song." I said tiredly. She could focus on the fact that she was still tied up (just like me) and not judging some silly ringtone but guess I was wrong again.

"This _thing _is rather opprobrious." She said disgustedly, as if such a thing was obscene and I was depraved for even suggesting it. I sighed again.

"Well, I for one would love to stop this hellish grunt as soon as I can, so why don't you help me instead of discussing about it?" Cora said looking out over the kitchen, searching for the profane devilish sound in progress. How come that woman wasn't seeing my phone on the floor was beyond me, but I guess the bitch was just blind.

_Stone hard, machine gun firing at the ones who rise. Stone hard, as bulletproof glass._

"I am really afraid of your music taste, Miss Swan. This noise is really degrading." Regina sighed again and rolled her eyes. Yes, my music taste was worse than being tied up, who would have guessed?

"It's Henry's ringtone and he chose it. Don't ask me why, he just did it." I said not looking at Regina 'cause I know she would blame me for Henry's debatable music taste. In fact, I was staring at my phone and back at Cora, who was kneeling in front of it with a shocked expression. What the hell?

"Oh, now I found you, hellish box! You are one wicked device, did someone told you that? Because I don't know which spell is that, but I do believe insupportable Snow used it only to enrage me. That little brat!" I was staring wide-eyed at the conversation between Cora and David Guetta, she seemed really into it and that woman could only be fucking nuts. However, Jefferson's laugh shook me out of that craziness (I completely forgot about him) and I looked at Regina who had an amused expression. Yes, that dinner was hell on earth.

_You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium. You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium. You shoot me down but I won't fall, I am titanium._

"Oh no, but you will fall, silly little thing! I can promise you- Hey! Give me that back! I was about to teach this cursed box a lesson, Jefferson!" Before she could threat my phone a little more, the mad fucker took it from her and walked back at me holding it with an amused smile. I rolled my eyes at him because saving my phone didn't mean that I forgave him for trying to charm Regina's panties off. The son of a bitch.

"Hey, it's Henry, are you taking it?" He asked me and I locked eyes with Regina. What the fuck would I tell the kid? The truth wasn't even an option 'cause explaining to your eleven-year-old son that you are tied up because you were almost fucking his adoptive mother while you were supposed to be apologizing and maybe even eating dinner would only get him scarred for life. But before I could answer the fucker joker's question, he accepted the call and put the phone to my ear.

"_Why the hell you took so long to answer me?" _ Reginenry was shouting more than Mariah Carey and I sighed. Looks like Lady Fate wasn't my biggest fan. _"Oh, so now you're ignoring me as well? That's very good to know!" _ As if the dinner wasn't running smoothly enough without another angry Mills sounding revolted with me, Henryna came with a new tantrum to soothe my happy mood.

"Hey, kid!" I bit my lip while I was debating about a believable lie to tell him but Regina was giving me such a penetrating look that I had to change the gears in my head if I planned on keeping my thoughts PG rated. And there goes my lie… "Your mother says hi too." I said after one hundred heartbeats (which meant maybe ten seconds top because Regina was really disturbing my whole body with that stare). His adoptive mother smiled happily at me and warmed my heart (did I mention that her smile could light up the whole Maine?). So yeah, Henry was buffing in my ear, Cora was glaring at me (or it was at the phone, who cares?) and the fucker was holding the device to my ear and was praying to vanish in the air (I was hoping he would too). But Regina Mills was smiling adorably at me and I couldn't find a fuck to give about anything else. Good God, her mout-

"_You still didn't answer me what took you so long, Emma." _ Well, fuck! Here we go again, another night coming up with a different story to buy me time to face my inner demons. Yes, I knew the answer was definitely right in front of me, smiling beautifully, but that didn't mean that I was prepared to admit it to myself. Things were moving so fast that I was truly lost. From my trip with Gold, seeing his retard son again and coming to be greeted by the sight of Regina striding around with the stupid fucker and now her mother was accusing me of projecting my emotions on the brunette (don't even know what the fuck was that supposed to mean), those days were really confusing the hell out of me. In fact, I didn't know why I wrecked the fucker's face or why I almost fucked Regina against a wall so how would I entertain and name those feelings? Even if I could, we were still talking about the former Evil Queen and that was scary enough alone. The only thing I'm sure of is that Regina will be the death of me and I don't know if that's a good thing. But she was still smiling and what wouldn't I do to keep that smile on her face a little longer?

"Sorry, we were having dinner and my phone was on mute." I wasn't sorry at all. If lying to everyone (including myself) meant that I could see that look of pure happiness on Regina's face, well, then I was more than prepared to rot in hell for the rest of the eternity for never uttering an honest word from now on.

* * *

**A/N:** Hope you like it and I'm sorry for taking too damn long but I was (and still am) nasty sick.

As ever, thank you all for your reviews and for following this story. It's very good to hear your opinion. Especial thanks to addictedtofics for all your nice reviews. ;] Anyway, I tried to correct some misspellings in the other chapters but seeing as I'm dyslexic, I am sure that there's a lot more.

Have a nice week, guys! And hope you like and review this chapter. Xoxo.

**Disclaimer: Still own nothing. Believe me, I checked.**


	6. You're a lover, I'm a runner

Jefferson might be called a lot of things, from mad to stupid (and he was pretty sure Regina kept a list with some of his special qualities locked down somewhere around her house; that woman really had an endless vocabulary), but if there was something that he could be confident about, it was love. Yeah, he was aware of the fact that he wouldn't be the next _Don Juan_ or something and he wasn't a womanizer (women didn't pay him much attention, unfortunately), though he knew love when he saw it. Honestly, it was pretty simple to know the couples who were truly and deeply in love. For example: Fake Prince and Motor-mouth, check! Yes, those two were disgusting and that fucking 'I will always find you' crap could make anyone want to hammer their heads in a knife, but they were also disgustingly in love so he had to suck that shit up. On the 'fake-it-'til-you-make-it' couple list was Mr. Creeper and the Forgotten-masochist… They tried, but they couldn't be and weren't each other's True Love. The man was, well, a sadistic murderous sociopath and the girl was just his last hope 'cause the woman couldn't be more caring even if she was a nun. And maybe that shot was her blessing in disguise to forget that guy and her need to make him better – people don't change other people, they do it for themselves or they don't. And if the Sinister Master of All Freakiness couldn't change for his own son, then the innocent lass didn't stand a chance.

Anyway, Jefferson knew love, but his whole life couldn't prepare him to face the sigh he saw some hours ago. A sigh that no matter how much he tried (and trust him to try doing it) he will never be able to unsee.

After seeing Regina's I-know-I'm-out-of-breath-but-don't-you-dare-talk-s hit-or-I'll-burn-you-alive-and dance-on-your-ashes attitude and a slightly disheveled, panting and blushing blonde, he concluded that yes, True Love could come with a hell lot of colorful language, physical violence and masked anger. Those two should have their heads checked because they were cuckoo crazy. He massaged his temples recalling that traumatizing dinner.

"_Why is Miss Swan still talking to that grunting box?" The wicked witch of hell whispered dumbfounded to a distracted Regina and Jefferson rolled his eyes and chose to ignore everyone – they were doing it not so long ago, so he had every right to do so. It was his payback time, bitches! _

"_That box is called a mobile phone, mother." The former mayor sighed tiredly to her mother. If she was exhausted of explaining stuff to the morbid witch or if she was just angry to be somewhat defending the mental health of the other lethal freak, Jefferson would never know. But seeing as high and mighty Regina Mills was tonguing the fuck out of the furious blonde's mouth minutes ago, he gathered that she must have been just tired of playing teacher to her mother. However, knowing the brunette like he did, nobody could know for sure. Mother monster, obviously, was outraged like her daughter's explanation was a personal affront to her._

"_Frankly, Regina, your choice for lovers are astonishing! Now I will have to bless your relationship with an ill-minded woman who talks to inanimate objects! Oh God! How can a mother bear so much misfortune and still survive?" The prima donna cried out loud and it was her daughter who rolled her now – thank God – chocolate eyes. The blonde disaster was distracted, as always, still entertained bickering with her bipolar son. _

_If he wasn't scared for life, Jefferson would be laughing 'cause that night was a circus act, but his back was still sore from his flying lesson right into the door. He didn't know much about physics; however he was pretty sure he broke the speed of light when Regina flung him away like a pebble with her magic. His thinking process was simple: one second he was standing right in front of her and in a blink of eye he was knocked out the other side of the room. The brunette was better than Einstein. Thought he wouldn't say he was fully proud of her because, yeah, it was his body that was used as a part of the procedure and that had fucking hurt! It wasn't just magic that came with a price, after that uncanny lesson he concluded that so did science. And, as always, he was the doomed one paying it._

_All in all, that family should be paying his psychologist's bills (if he had one) 'cause every single one of them fucked his life upside down in every way and realm they could come across. Enchanted Forest had the Evil Queen to lock him in Wonderland so her sick and twisted mother could torture and behead him; same Evil Queen cursed him to another world through twenty-eight years of suffering just to see his human salvation barging on his house to kick his innocent ass without further (or any) explanation; and if all this fuckery wasn't enough, same blonde nightmare gave birth to a frenzied boy who kept putting him in trouble after trouble. What in fuck's name was wrong with this family?!_

"_Honestly, mother, I don't know what came over you to make you think that I would even flirt with the idea of having Miss Swan as bed partner, let alone take her as a lover. This is simply nefarious!" Regina raged and bared her white teeth at her wicked mother as a caged wild animal. Jefferson sighed, so the sucking faces and her all-over-the-place horniness seconds ago were all in their imagination. Yeah, right! But he wasn't the only one who thought Regina was stuck deep in Narnia. Oh no! Her unholy bitch mother shared his same views (which was a first)._

"_Well, now you're telling me that you were not groping Miss Swan in a rather disturbing way before we came in, Regina? Because I'll let you know that your horny childish behavior was more than traumatizing for a lifetime." He smirked to the fridge. Because the blonde fighter was still tied by some magical roots with only a hand holding the phone at the kitchen's sink, Regina was snorting from her prison on the wall and Evil bitch was massaging her temples in her chair. The fridge, he thought, was the less threatening thing in the room and, honestly, he wasn't looking forward to being another one of Regina's physics experiences again or having the daylights beaten out of him. He just stuffed his hands in his pockets. Well, he could drink, right? Nobody gave a shit anyway, so if he drowned himself in liquor, then at least he could enjoy the night too. So yeah, drinking and passing out sounded good enough._

"_Yes, Henry, everything is okay!" Before Regina could snicker a little more at her mother, a granting grunt came from the blonde and cut the air. "Oh boy! Yes, Henry, Regina and I made out!" Jefferson wasn't sure if everyone's tense posture was due the fact that the charming blonde just admitted their previous wicked activities without even thinking about it, or if it was because the woman's voice possessed a high octave that could carry plainly through a hurricane. In any case, Regina's color and ability to speak also flew out of the kitchen making Cora smile delighted (that woman, he was sure, could scare the devil away) and he opened the fridge because he needed to keep himself from hyperventilating. He took an apple cider. It was good. It had alcohol. "W-what? How? You…" Oh yeah, there she was, finally grasping the meaning of her words. This slow thinking must be inhered from the fake stupid prince. Or maybe she was just one of those dumb blondes. He drank straight from the bottle 'cause Regina was too livid with the Savior's way with words to assassin him right away. Oh no! Her hatred was exclusively directed to the troublesome blonde. Thank God! "No! I didn't say that! Can you listen to me please?" She huffed. Yep, Jefferson was pretty sure Miss Swan had a slow brain. Not that he'll say out loud, of course, she still had fast fists. "I said and I quote," She waved her hand in the air as if the devilish boy was seeing her and Regina rolled her eyes exasperated. He wasn't sure, but he guessed the brunette was probably holding her tongue to not curse the woman to damnation. "We made up! Made U-P! Not made out! Why would I make out with your mom, kid?" The blonde woman was very embarrassed and laughing at her own stupidity like The Joker. Regina gritted her teeth and Jefferson rolled his eyes, someone needed to hurry the hell up and snatch the cell phone out of the train wreck's deadly hand before she talks herself into an even deeper hole of doom and the former Evil Queen decides to burn down her own house with everyone inside as witness elimination._

"_You said that she represents the law of the good foolishness here, Regina, are you sure about it?" Jefferson snapped his head back at the other parallel conversation in time to hear the older witch's confused question and almost bit his tongue to keep him from laughing. He gulped the drink again. Wow! The shit was really strong!_

"_Unfortunately I am, mother. This blasted creature is the sheriff of this town." Regina spitted with disgust as if she was retelling a lost battle. Perhaps she was. "Not only that, but she is also the dammed Savior." She seethed a little more._

"_Oh!" The heartless witch said really perplexed. "Well, I guess those peasants should be thanking you for cursing just the weak and inconvenient little ones here. I can't even imagine if some acquaintances of mine were transported to this unfortunate realm. With that excuse of a Savior as their last salvation… Well, probably all of them would be doing their weeping and wailing in their graves by now." That Jefferson could agree with, the older bitch was strangely right. If only the fucking White Knight paid a little more attention to her freaking job instead of assaulting people in their own homes, then maybe they could have a chance if any of the bitch's friends came running a carnage around the town. But no! Doing her God dammed job was too fucking much when the violent criminal (turned sheriff. Wasn't there any law against this shit?) was too damn preoccupied with Regina's whereabouts like some worried wife… _

_Oh. Oh! So the little unholy Savior was jealous… Now everything made sense (well, except the fact that she was disturbed and too short-tempered to protect anyone, let alone save something), Miss Swan was crazy in love with Regina fucking Mills. He gulped more of that marvelous drink (yeah, Regina was sadistic, but she had an amazing taste). Oh crap! This was going to raise all hells, he knew it would! The brunette was so freaking disgusted by the idea of loving the bombshell (not that he could blame her for it) that he could only imagine what they would have to endure. On the other side, the crazy blonde was a running foulmouthed mess with an aggressive personality and so deep in denial that even if the world's fate deepened on her bravery to assume her fascination for Regina, well everyone better start with their farewells now .In other terms, that couldn't end well. That _wouldn't _end well._

"_Well, I guess she did…" The silly woman said looking confused at her devious hands and sighed. "No, I mean she did it. You were right, I apologized and she healed my hands." She looked at Regina and smiled like a child in a candy shop before frowning and shaking her head (probably trying to put her two neurons back in place). "Yeah, she's really changed…" She whispered with a small and bashful smile at her cruel hands and both Jefferson and Cora looked at Regina. At a happy, with a I-won-the-lottery-smile Regina. God! And when he thought that her smile couldn't get any bigger, the maniac sheriff looked right at her and beamed at the brunette. That was all it took to make Regina's smile brighter and warmer than the freaking sun. In a very daring move, he arched an eyebrow at the cruelest of all the evil and said witch just sighed and gave him a small smile back, almost making him double check the scene._

_Yeah, these creepy women were fucking driving him mad time and time again._

"Can I go with you next time, dad? I bet Gina can cook some nice food." His sleepy daughter asked and he decided not to say a thing about the brunette's special ingredient. Poison, he thought, couldn't taste good anyway. Besides, he knew for a fact that even hating his guts for a lifetime, Regina still looked after Grace for all these years, which was why his daughter was the only kid who liked her. Or rather the only person.

He nodded his head and kissed his daughter good night feeling quite happy. But when he got up from her bed and turned off the lights, he was sure he felt eyes following him from outside the window and that shook his body like an earthquake. He looked again, and yes, there was something out there looking at him, probably laughing at his face and he could only take a guess at what it was. But no, it couldn't be, right? There was no way in hell.

So Jefferson shook his head and turned around just in time to see the wild monster running at him and jumping at his daughter's window. Freaking fuck! What did Regina put into that drink? When he steadied himself after his almost death, he glared at the beast. Yes, Cora, the cat (and he knew they should look for another name 'cause if the old bitch dream about it… yeah, better not go there) was having a stare contest with whatever was out there. Cora's (was it male or female? He didn't even know) posture was pretty much menacing and she howled from the window at something.

That scared the shit out of him for sure, those monsters were murderous! But the most surprising thing was the fact that he got afraid for the cat too (yes, he drank too fucking much). So he did the only thing he could think about, he took Cora and put her on the floor (and the cat didn't like it one bit. Perhaps they should stay with Cora anyway) and locked the window.

If only it could keep the beast out of his sight and of his mind. It couldn't, not really and not if he was right about his new visitor and Jefferson was pretty sure he was. How could he forget about those eyes and the frightening grin? Yep, the fucker traumatized him for life and if he was there that could only mean something… The scared man snickered at Cora (and she was still glaring at the window), he still had a problem with cats and knowing about the one and only spying outside his door, well… Shit was going to happen. He had to call Regina and take Grace somewhere else. Probably the chatterbox boy too… Fuck! They didn't even start to deal with the wicked whore and there was more craziness knocking on the door.

Jefferson sighed and closed his daughter's bedroom door. Never in his whole life had he prayed to be as mad as people called him. If only it meant that the fucking smiling cat he saw wasn't Alice's one, then he would proudly be the maddest man alive. Or he was just wasted anyway (Regina's apple cider was almost as strong as her magic). One can only hope.

* * *

"Come one, Emma! Tell me how was it? Did you really apologize? How mom took it? You know she can be a little suspicious, but deep inside she is just afraid to trust, I guess. Was she mean to you?" Never one to sugarcoat stuff, Henry completely disregarded his manners and skipped the 'good nights and how are yous' to go straight to the point. "You told me you guys made out after al-"

"Slow down there, kid! I already said that we made up, you just misheard me." He glared a little more at me, as if it would make me admit that yes, I fooled around with his adoptive mom and she tasted just like heaven (if heaven tastes like apples, anyway). Who would have thought? Regina Mills had some sick skills with her ton-

"Yeah, whatever, how was it?" There must be something wrong with you when even your eleven-year-old son interrupts you but I ignored this fact. There were some things wrong with me, yes, but that didn't make me want to entertain that road any less. Knowing that Oprah wouldn't sleep before I fed him with some gossip, I gave up (honestly, what choice did I have?) and patted his bed and he jumped at it like a hungry lion while I analyzed what I could say about the creep dinner. "So?" Man, if I wasn't the one carrying him for nine months, I would be sure he was premature.

"We talked and we ate, it was kinda weird, but not unpleasant. Regina was a little quiet, but I guess that was her way to not attack people, you know? If you can only say some crappy stuff, the best way of behaving is shutting your mouth." Or maybe she was too freaked out with the dining arrangements. The woman couldn't be blamed if that was the case.

"So, it is safe to say that you kept quiet too, Ma?" Henry interrupted my thoughts and I glared at him. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Not even batting an eye at my glare, he continued. "Well, you know how you are around mom; it is almost if you like to get her angry or something. You guys keep fighting over silly things and sometimes I think you talk that much crap just to have the last word, which is very immature." Dr. Henry gave his lecture like a scientist explaining their research to a stupid moron. The fuck Regina did with my son?!

"Hey! I do not!" That bullshit went long enough; it was time to play my role as his mother. "She is always the first to start it." He rolled his eyes for I was right. "Anyway, time to hit the bed. It is way too late for you to be gossiping that much. Besides, you have school tomorrow and you know the drill." I answered him who was giving me a very nasty Regina-esque glare and waved my hand with a pointed look. "Yeah, life sucks." I tucked him and kissed his wrinkled forehead – the kid really need to work on this grumpiness; it's definitely not cool to deal with two Leroys on a daily basis.

"Aren't you going to tell me a story or read something?" No, I wasn't. "Mom used to read me some comics 'till I fell asleep." Yeah, there goes Regina spoiling the kid to no end again. I sighed and nodded. Whatever, that was a lost battle but it was still better than talking about the damned evening. I wasn't looking forward to read anything, not after taking my contacts off, but it wouldn't be that bad to indulge the little prince with some story, right? And after wrecking my brain looking for something to say, I'm proud to say that I finally got it.

"Once upon a ti-"

"Can you tell me again about the dinner, Ma?" He beamed and I sighed. Too much for a fairytale. Beside the fact that I really didn't want to share the dining rendezvous with him, if I was honest with myself (which was very rare), I also didn't want to remember the night either. It was fucked up enough to discover that Henry's dad was Mr. Bullshit's long lost son, now admitting that I was tongue fucking his Evil Queen of a mother… Well, that really put some strings to a girl's self-esteem (the fuck is wrong with my brain? Can't it choose someone worse to get attracted to?). Whatever happens, Archie would never hear a thing about this shit. It was something to know that I'm a mad whore who will always make bad choices, but having someone analyzing and medicating this with some strong drugs was pretty scary. People would laugh at me and Mary Mar- Oh crap! If she even dreamt about it, the woman will probably ask Regina for another cursed apple. Or maybe a bullet through her brain. Or she'll cry her eyes dry. Christ! Why do I have to be such a slut?! "So?" Unaware of my mental breakdown, Perez Hilton kept probing with a glare.

"There was nothing much to it, okay? We just talked a lot about you and I apologized again about Jefferson's fiasco, or whatever." Let me tell you how happy I was for not being Pinocchio right then. Jesus, my nose would probably be poking Granny's door with all the lies I was spitting. Not that I've seen August's nose ever getting bigger and all that jazz, but his fairytale story said so. This reminded me that August was a man. A good man at that. And we were friends. And Mary Margaret wouldn't jump off a cliff if I went out with him. He was also very handsome. And yeah, if I ignore this whole 'growing nose 'cause lying sucks' bullshit, maybe we could work it out (he wouldn't be that stupid to lie to someone who can see through it), right? I could totally give him a call, anyway. And what if something else grows when he-

"Yeah? What more?" Hum? I wasn't sure if he knew that I was lying through my teeth, but still I couldn't make myself tell the truth.

"_Our son said he misses you, Regina." I told Regina after I realized how stupid I looked beaming like a maniac at her (so, so pretty) smiling face. Wicked whore glared at me and the crazy fucker snickered. The nerve of the man! Guess he forgot too damn fast how quick my fists can make a sculpture on his sly face, but as the good person that I am, that wasn't going to last long._

"_That's lovely to hear, Miss Swan. After all, my grandson could very well be scarred for life after hearing about his mothers groping each other against a wall. I know I am." Such a whore! It was her own fault for not knocking the fucking door! Besides, after snatching people's hearts like there was no tomorrow, the bitch wasn't one to judge. "Anyway, it is definitely late and I already saw too much. Wish I knew a spell to erase those sinful images from my brain, but there's only so much magic can give us." I heard a giggle, probably the fucking man. I won't even answer this bitch because nothing good could come from it._

"_Where are you going, mother?" Regina asked in a whisper sounding exactly like a teenager and not like the cute evil witch who cursed everyone and their moms. I'll tell you that my first instinct was to hug and comfort her, but unfortunately her son-of-a-bitch of a mother was still keeping me rooted on the sink while her daughter was still tied up against the wall and that was absolute madness. Not even some of my foster parents did this (maybe because they didn't have magic, but that wasn't the point) and that enraged me to no end. Who the fuck this woman thought she was to keep her own daughter as a prisoner?! And how come said daughter wasn't invoking some demons to get rid of the sick whore? Hell! Why didn't I watch _Charmed_? Those bitches called all kinds of devils faster than I make a call on my phone. There was no bullshitting them. Fuck me for not paying enough attention and writing down their evil hexes._

"_Don't worry, my little darling, I'll be safe," I heard a snicker and that could have been me or the mad bastard. Who knows? Anyway, the selfish she-devil just kept smiling and caressing her daughter's face. "I just wanted you to know that I missed you so much, Reggie, through all these years, I've never regret anything as I did for not being the mother you wanted me to be. I still do regret. But I promise you that I'll be better, no matter what it takes. I just want you to give me one more chance." Blah blah blah. She must be nuts if she was expecting me to believe that crap. But alas, it wasn't with me she was trying to make amends so I could only glare at the back of her head. Talking about glaring, from the corner of my eye, I saw the mad jerk staring a hole through her unholy soul. As if sensing my gaze, he turned to look at me with a flick of distrust and worry for Regina. Yeah, like I was letting that nutshell of a woman hurt her. I am the god dammed Savior, for fuck's sake!_

"_I don't know what to say, mother. Yes, you did some unspeakable things and you are also the reason I am alone. An alone and unloved Evil Queen. And honestly, you can't just magic your way back into my life and into my heart again. I don't even know if I am capable of forgiving or lovin-"_

"_Of course you are!" Yep, that would be me – always talking faster than thinking. Obviously, their heart-to-heart conversation came to an end and both brunettes turned their ice vice glare at me. Oh, gotta love genetics! _

"_Were you saying something, Miss Swan?" She glared at me and I rolled my eyes. Duh! She was sounding exactly like my high school Math teacher. Except for the fact that the old Mrs. Simmons couldn't hold my attention as Regina does by simply standing in the same room. She also didn't have such smooth legs and her hands were used to just screw our reports, not conjure sick spells to destroy our happiness. She didn't rock high heels as the former Mayor, nor did she have her adorable ass. But at the same time, she only fucked my youth, not cursed my whole life. Then again, she didn't have Regina's sinful mouth and that evil smirk- "That's what I thought." She sighed and looked at her deranged mommy again. Not cool._

"_I mean, you love Henry, so obviously you are capable of loving. You always were. You are a lover, even when you like to deny this fact. Now, the question is if you are capable of forgiving this monster of a woman. And I'm pretty sure you are, you know? 'Cause you make excuses for her behavior and then again, she is your mother. And that means everything to you." It's settled, my brain is not connect to my mouth._

_Have you ever heard something about the sound of silence? Well, that was exactly what it was. It was like the time was frozen with everyone holding their breaths. A gulping sound was heard and I was pretty sure the mad drunker just swallowed the whole bottle. I was kinda of envying him; at least he'll die smashed. The sparkling duo was still looking at me like I was the crazy one there, so I took a breath and prepared myself for the inevitable doom that was about to be fated upon me. There was no running and no hiding- which means there was no surviving._

"_Goodnight, Miss Swan. It was a slightly interesting dinner." Oh well, that's all, folks! "Bye, my darling! We have to do this again, it was refreshing seeing you." I cracked one eye open and to my endless surprise, I was still alive and the whore just waved her hand making the roots disappear faster than I could brace myself before falling on the floor – again. "Jefferson, aren't you coming?" The man almost choked on his alcohol before nodding quite too much to be considered sober._

_"I'm leaving too. I have nothing to do, but I feel like leaving." He attempted to crack his most charming smile at her and that only made him look like he had some sort of disability and rushed to the kitchen's door, throwing his farewells as fast as he could. I didn't answer him and I honestly didn't believe he would have the guts to talk to me, but regardless, Regina did. _

_Seeing as the one and only Evil Queen was standing at the other side of the kitchen looking as (cute and) confused as one could look, I almost dashed the hell away from there too before something happened. Killing me or kissing me, it was all fair game if we were talking about Regina._

"_Well, thank you for having me for dinner and for… you know, healing my hands." Thank God I managed to say something without embarrassing myself (more) or mentioning the kiss. Her confused expression was the sweetest thing I've ever seen and I smiled again 'cause my mouth never respected me._

"_I don't remember doing it…" She confessed looking rather puzzled and I just opened my mouth like a fish. Ever the one to school her facial expressions, in no time she was back to looking like the Evil Queen we all known and fear. "So you were supposed to say something about Henry's father, Miss Swan. Can you tell me what that was?" Yeap! Her posture screamed 'no bullshit' and she crossed her arms (for the sake of being a little more menacing, I assume). With her (now) perfect hair (how could she do it while I was positive I still looked like some homeless drunk, I have no idea) and that smirk that could drop anyone's pants, Regina fucking Mills was ever ready to screw the world over (along with my mental health)._

"_Oh! That! Ha, yeah…" Come on! It was sinful to look that good while being so evil. And my brain needed another minute (or ten) to go back to work after seeing her perfectly arched (and evil, so very evil) eyebrow. "Well, Henry's father is Mr. Gold's son, nothing much." Of course that everything was too fucking much and that was crap. But then again - no filter._

"_What?!" She whispered in shook. So sexy. And evil. Fuck me! She's the Evil Queen, cursing people for her own pleasure. But for being so unreliably evil, she was also undeniably hot an- "How? Are you sure?" I nodded because my mind was going dangerously to the gutter and maybe that would help. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Which was fine by me 'cause I could ogle her without being creepy. I mean, I could admire her without being incorrectly considered a perv. That scar on her upper lip, for example, was something that I most definitely could not stare (innocently so) as much as I was doing without mysteriously catching fire by some evil trick. "How was it?" She asked again and lucky me she still had her eyes closed- I burned myself once and it hurt like hell, I _so_ wasn't looking forward the second time._

"_Well, you know, Mr. Gold barged at my door last week and demanded me to search for his beloved son. Obviously, I didn't want to. But as he so gladly reminded me, I still owed him a deal for screwing up," She opened her eyes and made a disgusted face. "Yeah, sorry about it." Believe it or not, I honestly was. "Anyway, I made a deal with him for Ashley's baby, so it was time for me to pay it. You know him, always the smooth talker." She grimaced again, yeah, he was the creepiest of them all. "So I didn't have a choice and we found the man. As my luck would have it, the guy was the one who got me pregnant and left me in jail. Should have known that a bastard that twisted must have been his father's son." It was my time to spite and Regina gave a little smile. Beautifully honest little smile. And evil. Can't forget that! Seeing that she was being non-evil for quite some time, she cleared her throat._

"_Does Henry know?" I shook my head vigorously as if I was being electrocuted. God forbid this! "Good." I arched an eyebrow at her; the shit could be anything but good. "I mean that it isn't good for him to know about a father when you are not sure said father want something to do with him. He could get heartbroken." She explained so elegantly and patiently that old Mrs. Simmons should be ashamed for considering herself a teacher. "Don't you agree, Miss Swan?"_

"_Yeah." I nodded as forcefully as before, but if I was honest, she could have cursed me and my family and I still would be nodding like some wicked doll. Wicked and evil. I have to remember this. "I- you.. er…" Regina smirked at me. Son of a bitch! I cleared my throat. "I better get going, Regina. It is getting late and Henry could have convinced Mar-Snow that he doesn't have a curfew." I said with all the courage I could muster and she deflected a little. Or so my mad mind hoped._

"_I understand. Tell Henry-" She took a deep breath and steadied herself. "Tell him that he is still welcome to come by any time he wants to." I knew it wasn't easy for her to say that, so I gave her a smile. A friendly one. Like us, on an almost-friendly relationship and nothing else. Fucking hell, I need a drink!_

"_Will tell. Thanks for having me and the dinner was really amazing! I-" I smiled and bit my tongue. The fuck is wrong with my mouth?!_

"_You what, Miss Swan?" The evil, sexy, hot, wicked and – holy crap! Was that a smirk?! Fuck me sideways!_

"_I- I'll see you! Good night, Regina. Bye!" Before I could finish my sentence, I was standing at her foyer and running to my car like that Bolt sprinter. What the hell is wrong with me? I am not even gay to have this kind of feelings for a woman. And even if I was, that woman was the evil queen, my son's adoptive mother, the reason why I didn't have parents and who cursed a whole realm because of her long lost love. God! It was so twisted, it wasn't even funny._

"That was it. She also said that her house will always be open for you to drop by whenever you want to or whatever." I promised her I would tell Henry, so I did. That was the only reason. The only reason at all.

"Well, you guys talked without fighting, that's awesome!" Henry beamed at me and I just nodded, suddenly exhausted of the night's events. Somehow I couldn't share his positive vibes with everything that happened a little earlier.

"Yeah, it was. Now it's time for you to sleep and I'm pretty tired too. So I see you tomorrow. Sleep tight." I kissed his forehead and he beamed at me.

"Night. Love you, Ma." I sighed and walked away, turning off the light before walking to my room. If only was easy enough to turn off some feelings as well…

'Cause yeah, she may be better and different, but there were still too many things to think about. First: I know that Mary Margaret was a nosy woman, yes, but that didn't mean that she should see her only daughter fucking her greatest enemy. I do believe in payback, but that still seemed a little too much. Then there was Henry and, for better or worse, Regina was still the woman who raised him through good and bad, therefore, she is his mother. And I didn't know if she ever approached this gay relationship crap, so I don't know how he felt about it. Last but not least, there was the little fact that I wasn't gay. I mean, I don't have a problem with people being gay back and forth, but I didn't swing that way. Never did. And Regina wasn't gay also. So yeah, all I have to do is forget about it and live my life. Right?

Right. And knowing that I had nothing with Regina (yeah, for being such a sluttish person, I was feeling rather clingy) 'cause we just kissed. And I kissed tons of guys in high school (again, slut) and that meant nothing. Nada. And life still went on and on. So that was that. She was an amazing kisser (for a woman) but we just enjoyed ourselves. Nothing else. It was _so_ nothing that I could totally call August and have a beer with him. After all, he was the kind of guy most women would sell their soul for_._ We could kiss too. Not that I would ever throw myself at him, but maybe it could happen and we could sleep together and everything.

Yeah, that was what I was going to do! Go big, or go home.

So I texted him before I changed my clothes and he replied in no time. It looked like someone was eager. That was a turn off, if you ever ask me, but I let it pass and wrote another text. Yeah! There was more like it.

* * *

"Stop!" Yes, I know said that I wouldn't throw myself at August, but desperate situations call for desperate measures. And if the fact that three days later I was drunk and making out with him while I tried to feel something wasn't a desperate attitude, then I didn't know what that could be.

Who am I kidding? After I started my healthy schedule of waking up in the middle of the night to run a few laps around Regina's house (not that I was keeping tabs on her or trying to sneak a peek, of course) while I spent the days avoiding her (I even stopped going to Granny's for fear of seeing her being all evil and sexy while pretending to read some damned newspaper when I knew she was just planning the world's destruction. Guess that was desperate enough), I decided to move on (from what? I still wasn't sure). And it wasn't like I was running from her (right?), I just changed my schedule to better suit my new healthy life. And for healthy, I also meant mentally – not that living with Mary Margaret and hearing Henry babbler nonstop about his mom could help with this fact. So yeah, that was new me.

It also had nothing to do with the fact that I gushed to my mother about August to try and take some of her chirpiness. It didn't work, as you can see. I also avoided Ruby like the plague 'cause the pointed glare I received from her earlier after Mary Margaret rambled about this suppose-to-be date (M&M's ability to talk more than her mouth ever could never ceased to amaze me) made me reconsider working from home.

All in all, those three days were almost uneventful. Beside the fact that two nights ago I saw the mad creeper carrying his sleepy daughter through Regina's door with some bags. The damned couple decided to play house. But, as always, he was the woman in the relationship. Ugh! Stupid son of a bitch! So I made up my mind. Yeah, the motherfucker was moving in and I was tired of weeping like a widow (not that I was ever married or crying my eyes out). So it may or may not be the reason I was in such unpleasant position – if she was acting like I didn't matter, well, she got another thing coming!

Ruby also told me about some confrontation between mom and Regina. I guess our Evil Queen was enjoying her coffee time between casting an evil spell or two when she heard about my cursed 'date' (August and I just ordered some pizza and he got me a bottle of whiskey, all very classy), which just lead to her dropping her job at Regina's lap. We kinda talked about it – Mary Margaret and I -, it was better for everyone if Regina was the Mayor and I had to act fast before M&M bankrupted the city. Not that I was looking forward to having our city meetings again, I was still running from her (there, I confessed), but it came with being a Savior looking after all this cursed people and wanting them to have food on their tables and light on their city. I swear to God! I love my mother to no end, but if she kept running the town like that, in no time people would start to get zombie-ish and it all would just look some twisted Walking Dead cosplay. I still didn't know how people were zombie-ed, but I can live without knowing it.

So, in three days I hid from Mayor Regina Mills (while running laps around her house), the mad motherfucker moved in with her (I must really start keeping tabs on that), and I was drunk on a man's lap who couldn't take my mind of Regina even if he hit with a baseball bat. Life was good, huh?

"What's wrong? What did I do?" I almost felt sorry for him, but I was too preoccupied feeling sorry for myself. Who the hell was the idea of making out with someone to forget the other person? Anyway, I was at his room sitting on his lap and imagining that I was kissing Regina, how fucked up could that be? But, ever the lucky one, the bastard had to have a beard just to screw my plans over. Son of a bitch! Not that the kiss was as awesome as Regina's, but I always had a creative imagination and it was going very smoothly while I pictured her hands on my waist. Unfortunately, my mind wasn't creative enough to get rid of his damn beard. Why do men have to wear this fuck?

"It is your beard." I didn't have a filter, yes, but seeing that I was also drunk out of my ass, I couldn't force myself to be considerate enough about his feelings. Or mine. Which was a shame.

"Oh!" He said after I got up from his lap looking confused as a dog. Yeah, couldn't blame him. "Do you want me to shave it?" I was honestly sure that any other woman would have found it rather romantic, but I just snickered at him and muttered 'weak' under my breath. That was something that Regina would never do. I mean, she would never have a beard also, but she didn't accept anyone's bullshit and I was pretty positive that even if I bickered about something (like that could be possible seeing as the woman was a goddess), she would just fuck me 'till I couldn't say a word. Holy crap! Just thinking about that got me hot. "Emma, what's wrong?" He put his mainly hands on my face (he didn't polished his nails like Regina, which I also thought was a shame) and I took the opportunity of being too damn wet and dived at his mouth. Again. And you know what? I felt nothing again.

I turned on my heels and swung the Jack's bottle to my lips. Maybe I wasn't drunk enough. Yeah, that was the matter. He chuckled. Like a girl. The hell was wrong with the guy?! Regina never chuckled; she only smirked with her bleached white teeth. There was no way teeth could be that white, then again it was Regina fucking Mills we were talking about.

"Whoa there! Calm down or you'll get yourself knocked out." If he only knew how thin was the line he was walking in… Okay, calm down, Swan! You can do that. I had a kid at jail, for Christ's sake, that was a walk in the park, right?

So after counting to ten I looked at him, really looked at him. He was wearing a black shirt, some old and faded jeans and some boots. The guy was honestly handsome, and still, I couldn't feel a thing for him beside a sudden urge to throw the Jack's bottle at his stupid smiling face, but that wasn't a good feeling, so I didn't count it. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Hey, you want us to go slower?" Of course, I was the one who jumped at his bones and had a change of heart now. I didn't even mention that the only way for us to go any slower was if we were going in slow motion. I wasn't on the mood to humor him. "What happened?" Seeing that he could smile 'till his last breath and I still would rather tongue the whiskey's bottle than his mouth, he tried to approach me. I took a step back. "Hey, we're friends, Em, talk to me. What's the matter?" He was right, we were friends and what I was doing was evil- just like Regina was-

"You are not Regina." I didn't notice what I said at first, but as his face was getting contorted in disgust, I knew that I (once again) said too much. Well, wasn't that peachy?

"What? What that witch has to do with us?" He all but yelled and I tried to think about his feelings, I swear, but he had so much hatred on his features that I really couldn't care less about his manliness.

"First, there is no us, August. I called you 'cause I was really trying to get my mind off of her, but all that backfired as fuck, if you can't tell." I knew he couldn't. Boy! Men were such stupid and slow creatures. Why did I even flirt with the idea of fucking him? Oh yeah, because he was easy on the eyes. That's all. What would I do with him afterwards? He could give me nothing, he didn't know me and was just smitten because I was the fucking Savior who, I pray tell, was his job to look afterwards but again, he was a lazy and useless brat and left me alone to have his happy boy's life. So no, I would do nothing after I fucked him, only regret. And maybe start a bonfire. Yeah, I had the alcohol and I could call Ruby for us to party around his-

"What do you mean?" See? Dense.

"Exactly what I told you! We are not together and it was foolish of me to think that I could forgive you for being a selfish prick and leaving me to fend for myself, but I was wrong." I yelled right back at him. If he wanted to play some Pavarotti, then to hell that I wouldn't challenge some Celine.

"Oh! So I'm a bastard and was Regina is? Probably a saint, right? 'Cause let me break this to you, Emma, she was the one who cursed everyone and screwed your life, not me!" The rational part of my brain couldn't agree more with it, but seeing that I was probably on the verge of losing the rest of my sanity, I threw his cup at him (it was empty, no need to fret). "What the fuck, Emma?" As you could tell, unfortunately, I missed.

"You know what, August? I thought you were my friend, but you are just like him! You are all selfish! Everyone in this fucked up town want me for the same old reason and I'm tired of you guys being seen as the good ones. Fuck you all! I'm tired of this crap! Everyone respect me only because of this fairytale crap! Because all of you are just about to do anything to go back to your screwed Enchanted Forrest. So yeah! She was the one who cursed all of us, but you are still a selfish son of a bitch who traveled the whole world and fucked God knows how many women to just come back waltzing to ruin my life when it suited you. Fuck you, August! You are worse than her! 'Cause even being a screwed up murderer with megalomaniac tendencies, she is not a coward who keeps blaming her misfortune like you all seen to do. You know what all of you need? To man up! Because you are all cowards! That's what you are! You are not even man enough to admit that you all liked this curse, you more than anyone. So yeah! She is sick and twisted, but she is more of a person than every one of you could dream to be." Don't ask me how I managed to give such lecture in one breathe, but that was what happened. After talking more than Mary Margaret, I turned on my heels and opened the door so forcefully that it slammed on the wall. See why I like drinking? I was almost the Wonder Woman.

"I'm sorry, but I just hope you know what you're getting yourself into." I snickered. Since when people cared about how would I deal with their shit? I was just there to fix their unhappy lives. Anyway, I didn't honor him with an answer and, as a gift, I took the bottle with me and slammed the door again. The fuck must have broken. Yeah, whatever, Pinocchio could always cut his leg and just make another wooden door for all I care. The son of a bitch.

So that was the end of my lovely date, I was marching down the streets with a bottle of Jack Daniels and didn't have a clue where I could go. On the bright side, I was lucky he drove me there so I didn't have to think about tomorrow's walk of shame to get my bug. But that meant that I still had to walk God knows how much to go anywhere. And yeah? Where would I go? Going back home wasn't an option – if Mary Margaret all but smiled at me I was sure I would break something, so that was a no. Honestly, the only place I could go was back at the person I was avoiding and the only one who could help deal with all the shit. Hopefully she'll forgive me for ignoring her advices. But that's what friends are for, right?

Let's hope.

* * *

She tried. She really did. But that despicable blonde couldn't take a hint and leave her mind alone. Just like her despised parents. Even when they didn't raise their abhorrent offspring, Regina was sure the two idiots must be having a blast knowing that the insufferable woman turned just as immoral as both of them. Why didn't she kill those two when she had the chance? One weak act and now she had to endure that wretched family on daily basis. Be that as it may, she was still a Queen and royalty do not weep like subjects. So yes, she made a mistake, but the world won't stop just because she still nurtured some pity at the loudmouthed Snow White.

Anyway, she was still glad to see the obnoxious blonde running from her like Regina had the ability to walk all over her like a giant. Obviously, she did have. She could crush that inopportune bug whenever she wanted to. However, she was unfortunate enough to have her splendid boy somehow related to that good-for-nothing family. She sighed. This was supposed to be her happy ending, yet it was as far from happy as life from death.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Jefferson's voice startled her self-pitting party and for that she was almost grateful. She sighed dramatically, nothing was okay and she wasn't even sure if it would be at some point. Turning on her heels, she saw his worried expression and one of her mugs on his hands. She arched an eyebrow. Yes, she let him live under her roof (because she really foresee an amazing future for Grace and she would do anything for the little girl), but that didn't mean she would let him play chef with her more-expensive-than-his-house crockery, that kitchen was her second love (only Henry came first). "Oh, here. I made it for you." He gave her the mug with something inside and she eyed him suspiciously. "That's just warm milk with a spoon of sugar. It used to help Grace sleep." He shrugged. She sighed. What he wanted to say was that it helped little Grace sleep before something started scaring her at night. Something that both of them have yet to deal with.

"Thank you, Jefferson." She didn't want to sleep, nor did she think she ever could even if she swallowed some meds, but it was still gentlemanly of him to do it for her.

"I know you have a lot in your mind, Regina, with being the Mayor again," He smiled because he was the one who decided to celebrate it. They did nothing really; the three of them just had dinner together, watched some cartoons with Grace (she couldn't even grasp how much she missed doing this same thing with her son) and, after tucking the little blonde girl, they decided to drink their problems away and try to come up with something to get them out of that predicament. Unfortunately for her, the sordid Miss Swan was one of their topics. That woman couldn't be more unbearable even if she had a double. "But I still want to thank you for letting us stay here. I promise you we aren't trying to impose and I will get out of your hair as soon as possible. I just…"

She nodded her head. Even if living with them couldn't hold a candle to living with her beloved son, she was still glad with it. It was good to see Grace's smile every day, or hear her laugh at something her joker of father would say. And Regina honestly looked forward to listening about her day, even more so when it involved Henry. So yes, it wasn't bad. Father and daughter were the ones to take her mind out of outrageous Miss Swan and her lack of social skills. The fact that said delinquent just went on a date with the wooden puppet enraged her more than she was prepared to admit. But still, at least when Regina was with them, she managed to keep her mind off of the bothersome woman's kisses. Disgusting! She should really be ashamed of herself. But that would do her no good. So yes, she was almost rapped by the blonde criminal and the woman should be happy that she wasn't pressing charges (she was the Mayor, after all) but that regrettable episode couldn't predict her life. So she decided to be just content for her company (even when she wanted some poorly educated person who couldn't dress herself to save her life, but Regina would never admit it). And she honestly was glad to have someone to talk to.

If someone ever told her that in less than a week she would have someone to call a friend and she also would welcome said friend under her roof, probably the fool would lose their tongue or would be thrown in the sky faster than an airplane. But there she was, sharing her house with a friend, his daughter and a cat (for someone who hated cats as much as Jefferson claimed to do, it was an honest change of heart when he said he was worried about the animal. And to his utter surprise, Regina didn't say a nasty thing about Cora, the cat, but only welcomed it to live with them). That was God's way to make her pay, she was sure. After all, she still remembered his crazy expression when he knocked at her front door in the middle of the night.

"_What in God's name are you doing on my porch at this ungodly hour, Jefferson?" She couldn't help it. After being awakened at three in the morning by fists rapping loudly at her door, Regina wasn't on her best mood. And she frankly couldn't be judged for it. The fact that even trying as hard as she did to catch some sleep, her mind, ever the traitor, kept recalling the awful kiss she shared with inconvenient Miss Swan the night before. She snickered at the direction of her thoughts, happy ending in hell!_

"_I.. I-" He stammered and gulped and that was when her sleepy eyes took in the scene in front of her. The man was looking every ounce of mad as he was known for. His hair was disheveled, his breathe came in pants and he looked like he saw the apocalypse and survived it. Not that this damned whole sigh did something to soothe her anger – the man was as crazy as one could get, she saw it coming, but even knowing about his mentally challenged persona, that was still way out of the book to seize. Then she saw a sleeping Grace (or she hoped so, only God knew how much she hoped so) on his arms, three bags dangling from his arms with a cat in one of them. That did the trick._

"_What the hell happened?" She raised her voice and smoothed her hair as much as she could. The man was still pale like a lamppost._

"_I- Can you- I really need-" He was gritting his teeth and looking around as if waiting for something to strike him down. She couldn't help but let her mind wander between two possible scenarios: or this had something to do with her mother, or repulsive Miss Swan barged at the man's house again. God! They should put a restricting order against that woman._

"_Is she hurt?" She asked in a whisper. Grace looked too peaceful to be hurt, but she couldn't shake the fear of hearing a positive answer. He shook his head. Thank God, the girl was fine! She sighed as if weight was taken out of her shoulders._

"_Can I come in?" He whispered and she complied, leaving some room for his not-so-great entrance. He still stumbled on the door, like the clumsy he always was._

"_Lie her down on the couch." It was her order and he complied. After also taking his bags off his shoulders, he turned to look at her. "Tell me what happened." She demanded and walked to her kitchen, giving him a silent hint to follow her. Which he did, but still kept his gaze on his daughter._

"_Alice's here." Well, that was surprising. Still wasn't enough to explain his sudden appearance so she arched her eyebrow. "The cat was watching her. She couldn't sleep and she spent these two nights crying because she was freaking scared." The hatred on his voice was something she never heard before so it took her by surprise. "I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to do." _

_There was something about seeing a man cry that surely almost broke Regina's heart. After all, she knew the man in front of her, they were both well known for destroying everything and never having second thoughts. It was safe to say that it hit too close to home to comfort. And that was when she nodded and tried to help him dealing with this situation. No, it wasn't magic that night and she wasn't sure if magic would really help them if that was the case. But it was almost as good as magic. _

_She took two bottles of her apple cider and two average cups (there was no way in hell she would use her finest glasses to do this! Besides being too expensive, crystal was also fragile and the man in front of her was broken enough for the night, she didn't need more mess to clean up). She sat down and he did the same. They probably should be worried about the fact that both of them were too coward to show feelings without having so much alcohol on their systems that could fuel a car to cross a country._

_But it didn't matter then, they were the bad guys and nobody would expect them to act like good and normal people should. Neither would people wait for them to show how broken their hearts truly were. Be as it may, in that moment she was really glad that she wasn't on the good-always-win team. Not when they were too screwed to think about acting all high and mighty._

"You still didn't tell me what was your problem with Alice or Cheshire." Regina wasn't trying to probe the information out of him per se, but you could agree that if she was being dragged into this doom she had every right to know. He nodded and it was his time to walk back to the kitchen and she went there too - never in a million years she would say that she followed someone; that was truly preposterous! He sat at her table and she took their beloved friend from her cabinet and two cups. In the back of her mind, she knew that her alcohol ingestion was getting borderline unhealthy, but dealing with the craziness she had to endure every day, nobody could judge her. He served them. She gulped down the cup's content (her mug with milk was instantly forgotten), the first one was always the best for it relaxed her system.

"I don't really know what she could be up to, Regina. All I know is that it won't be pretty. Not with that deranged monster lurking around her that much." He poured them another cup. She nodded. Better start magically making more apple cider if what he said was anything to go by. "Besides, I don't really know where we stand with Cora, but they may be planning to kill her too." Yes, that was the first thing that crept on her mind the following day (after her mad sleepless brain decided to keep popping detestable Miss Swan like some uncalled internet ad). Where did they stand with Cora indeed? She didn't know, but there was nagging feeling telling her that this could be the chance to have a mother she never had. Could it be true or just one of her silly childish thoughts? "I know you didn't ask me, but I really believe she's changed. She seemed sincere enough. But it would be better if we approached her with caution, you know?"

"You're right, I didn't ask you." She snickered. What was wrong with these people minding their own business? Oh well, that wouldn't be a first after she had the misfortune of knowing the chatterbox nuisance. That woman who talked so much that she did convinced herself that she could communicate with birds. If that wasn't psychosis, then Regina was one for naming it. "But your sentiment was appreciated." It was a whisper and it wasn't a thank you, but would have to do. She drank her glass dry.

"Yeah, it was nothing." He swallowed another cup. Yes, they were truly messed up. He poured them some more. Was that the forth or the fifth? She couldn't care less. He started fidgeting with his hands. Oh well, hell was bent to be raised. "She got crazy after her time at Wonderland. And when I mean crazy, I'm talking about being locked at-an-asylum crazy." That was honestly new. Not that Regina knew much about Alice's life, but she crossed paths with the girl twice and she did look as average as someone who fell through a rabbit hole and got stuck at another realm could look. Then again, she should have foreseen it; the thing had madness written all over it. "I saw her there as the girl you knew twice. The first time she was magically transported there and the next she chose to go as a teenager. They said something about a mirror, but I digress. Anyway, those two times were almost uneventful. If we overlook her heroic saga to save everyone from your mother. Which she could never do, for obvious reason, because Cora went back to the Enchanted Forest to be with you. That was when Wonderland started its downfall." She nodded because that was something she didn't know about and suddenly there was another full cup in front of them. Good. "I don't know how that happened, honestly, but I heard it had something to do with balance, you know?" No, she didn't.

"What do you mean?"

"The balance between things, like evil and good need each other to survive." Who would have guessed the crazy mind of this man could come up with something so insightful. She smirked and he shook his head. Sometimes they both knew each other too much. "Whatever. So no Queen of Hearts and no 'Savior' for Wonderland resulted in the realm nearly ending. Anyway, nobody knew for sure, that was one of many theories." It was something she never thought about. Was there really any possibility that each realm or world had their so called 'Saviors'? Could it really be? "People or I don't know what you want to call them, around there really got nuts and they started to write down hypothesis about the incoming apocalypse. So they did research to really know how their world could be crumbling to pieces and how could they prevent it from happening. And as you may have guessed, their answer was Alice, their Savior." Regina nodded again and took another gulp with him.

"So they decided to call Alice back to save them for their misfortune?" He nodded. People were really too easy to predict. She poured them another glass. Hearing about imbeciles' inability to face their own fates always left a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Yes, they did. So they sent Cheshire to guide her." The man whispered ashamed flirting with his glass. That was when everything made sense.

"You mean you did it, right?" He nodded and knocked another cup. "But isn't Alice from this world?" Again another positive shake. "But how? I thought…" Wasn't that supposed to be her creation? This world should be her curse's doing and not-

"I know what you are thinking and you are right. She is from this world and it exists long before the curse was enacted. Yes, I was very much terrified too when I got my memories back because I was sure I came here. It was… maddening." She silently drank another cup and poured more. There was something wrong there. That wasn't supposed to happen. What she didn't know? "It's crazy to think that even before Swan this world made a Savior, right? And it is fucked up to thing that this normal girl could walk through realms without needing any magical device. I don't know what that means, Regina. That's the problem. We are fucking stuck here while she can be in any realm she sets her mind on. That's the scariest thing. And thing about the fucker-"

"Who is he?" She all but snarled. Jefferson gulped.

"Cheshire Ca-"

"No, I'm asking you who the hell is he behind this ridiculous façade. What's his story? What do you know about it?" Well, if they were going down, they at least needed to cover their bases before doing so. Of course, Regina wasn't naïve so she always knew he wasn't a magic cat, she just never put thought to it. Silently, he served them more alcohol. Of course, if they were planning to go to the depths of this mess, they should be trying to be sober. But that was beyond the point.

"I'm not really sure, but I read that he was cursed and he was a wizard before that. I don't know which one he was, but he is… frightening." He shivered and she almost did the same. "I know you don't want to talk about these new layers of you magic, Regina." He had to see her glare coming, he wasn't _that _stupid. "But as Cora said, you can project and create feelings, right?" Unfortunately yes, it was the truth, which was as frustrating as an afternoon with the moronic family. "But this empathy or I don't know what that can be called." She waved her hands, it didn't matter right then. Plus she was never one to be sympathetic to others feelings, so that didn't mean a thing. "Whatever. But his magic, or something, are a lot like yours. The only difference is that he doesn't deal with feelings, but with people's wills." Wait, what?

"What do you mean?" Could it really mean that a stupid cat forced thoughts and acts on other's mind? She never knew about this kind of magic nor did she know that it was possible. Of course, she pictured too well how Rumple played her weakness through all these years, but never once she lost her free will to turn back or abandon his sick plans. And just thinking about all wreck this foolish cat could havoc with this ability pierced her heart like a knife. Yes, her misery was never going to end.

"He can make people do what he wants them to. He injects thoughts on your mind and makes you act on them." That was a little too Matrix-like for her taste (Henry really like this wretched genre of movie) and a part of her brain refused to believe that another person could play her. Oh no! Never again! "He made me kill Grace's mother, Regina. Believe when I tell that this is fucking maddening!" Holy hell! He punched the table and some tears ran from his eyes. In that moment, she believed him when he said that this new direction her power took had something to do with empathy. Never in a million years would she raise from her chair to pat a weeping man who screwed her life too much to be trusted. Yet, there she was. "I-I don't know what to do. I don't know what he's doing here and I know Alice's also here and she can't be trusted. That's the problem, Regina. It's fucking wrong!" He jumped from the chair and paced around her kitchen. She drank. Better drink while she could.

"I know, Jefferson, and I also-" She was skeptical that he abruptly interrupted her. And the fact that she didn't burn him the minute he managed to do so was honestly saying something about her. But wanting to know what that was supposed to say was another matter completely.

"No, you don't. We can't get rid of your mother when she is the only one who knows how to deal with them, but she is still dangerous. We can't ask Rumple for help because he would hold it against us, or he could be controlled. We can't even count on freaking Swan 'cause that woman is fucking unbelievable! And they are 'round here now, so we have no time. We are screwed."

"Yes, Jefferson, as you put it so poetically, I know we are facing a war soon and I also gathered that the numbers say we won't win this one, thank you very much." She huffed. What was his problem? Yes, they probably won't survive, but there was no need to be a drama queen about it. They had to come up with a plan, something to do with her mother or maybe-

"Our only way of winning this is having Alice on our side." She crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"How could we count on a mentally unstable girl, Jefferson, when you specifically said that she can't be trusted? And what do you think she could do against a mentalist cat?" Surely there was something wrong with that sentence. Probably because she drank too much, it was perhaps a nightmare.

"Wonderland ceased to exist the moment Alice was locked in the asylum. Some said the realm was all her mind's creation. Some believed that she was the heart of the land. I only know that I got out through the hat and _he _convinced me to take him here. So we survived. I left him here and went back to Fairytale Land that was when you enacted the curse. About what he can do, besides fucking with your mental will, there's nothing more. And about her… she's just our last hope. I don't know how we could fish her to our side, but we have to try. For Henry and Grace, we need to believe we can win her over. It's going to be a walk in hell, I know that. But…" He shrugged and Regina sighed. There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to relax her.

"What do you mean?"

"The little girl you knew is gone. She's not one to mess up with now, not because she was locked, but she's really disturbed, Regina. He destroyed the girl to have his way out of Wonderland." Jesus! This was making less and less sense as the minutes passed. And why in hell would a creepy cat want to get out of Wonderland? Was Jefferson expecting her to believe that the animal was planning to take the world? Oh God! She needed another drink!

"Why would he want to get out of there? It makes no sense." Really. She had crossed paths with what Storybrooke's peasants would have called 'villains' and they were as bad as you could dream about. Some were downright deranged, some others were sadistic and there were still some who wouldn't think twice before crashing their own beloved ones if they stood on the way. But a maniac cat with megalomaniac tendencies was still too much for her still sober brain to deal with.

"Revenge." Well, wasn't that the imperative word around here?

"Against who?"

"Story said that he was cursed by the wickedest wizard out in the magic world, so this was his way of biting back." Oh really? That could mean too many people. Each and every realm had their own evil threat and any of them should be dreaded. From Jafar to Merlin, everyone was possible. Rumple probably was figuring in this list with her mother as well. Shamefully, she wasn't. Not even the feared Evil Queen could hold a candle against one of these magic makers. And any possibility was as bad as a stroke.

Jafar was a genie and that somewhat moderated his powers, but when you think that someone like her could be granted three wishes, including the power of magic… Well, that was heinous. Suddenly her mother didn't seem to fit all these requirements. Yes, Cora was murderous and impious, but she wasn't known for cursing people (it wasn't a family trait, just Regina's way to run her things), just steeling hearts. Thinking of it, it was so silly, so why was she so afraid of Cora?

Anyway, there was Rumple and he was too much of a coward to curse anything. The bastard imp could have all magic he could manage, but he would still die as a stupid startled rat.

And then there was Merlin, the wizard who had a category of his own. To put it simple, Merlin was even more feared than Rumple because his powers weren't related to any device, nor was his immortality. He was the good one gone bad. The most powerful – as far as she knew – but he didn't associate himself with anyone. That said, the man wasn't exactly bad. However, seeing as he didn't do a thing to stop the evil from being… well, evil. He was considered by everyone the Lucifer wizard. Born from good and corrupted to the core by something (or someone), he wasn't one to be played with. As far as the legend went, he was blamed for almost everything bad that ever happened in almost every realm (except this one, she graciously took the fall here). But still, that was centuries ago.

After all, that was what _she_ knew, it didn't mean a thing. There were still more menacing people running wild with magic in all realms.

"I'm sorry, Jefferson, but the wizards I know couldn't care less about Wonderland or this realm for all that matter."

"You are right; nobody gives a flying shit about it. But Cheshire screwed up Alice's head, the girls is as twisted as Rumple's now. And a parent wouldn't want this fate to their only child." She was what?! "I'm not sure about it yet, but she has an amount of magic that could only mean that she was born from a powerful magic maker. And it was your mother who told me that." If her eyes could fall off her face they would be rolling in the ground right now. "She knows about Alice's ancestry, she just wasn't sure with which magical being she was related. And I'll tell you what, Regina, not even your mother messed with her because of it."

"Oh my-" Oh hell! That explained some things. Like Alice's ability to walk through realms and dive through rabbit holes (yes, she wouldn't forget that one anytime soon). That still could explain the theory of Wonderland being her mind's creation. If that was true, the girl must be haunted by so many demons that not even hell could bet her to it. The way Regina saw it was Alice being half-human and half-magician, which meant that she still could be from this world and have magic without knowing it. Not exactly like decadent Miss Swan, obviously. The troublesome delinquent had an amount of magic, yes, but being born from a magical lineage was very different and nobody would understand that as much as the former Evil Queen. So if Alice wanted to run carnage through her town, then that was as deadly as it could sound. Not even this babbler about being born from True Love would help the aberrant Miss Swan with this. But then again, why was she thinking about the disgusting woman?

"Yeah, so now we have a mentalist cat controlling people's mind running around town with a wicked and twisted princess of darkness to surely strike everyone's down. That's not even the worst thing, Regina. We are between a rock and a hard place; if we try to stop them, the crazy girl's parent will curse us to the rest of eternity and if we do nothing, then Grace and Henry are in danger." Hearing the children's name on the same sentence as 'danger' really did the trick. To put it simple, both of them could let the psychos' wreck their havoc and that would mean letting Henry and Grace to fend for themselves. Or they could try playing the dark heroes and call an immediate reunion with some twisted witch which would only lead to the town's destruction. Couldn't she win only once?

"How do you know about this, Jefferson? What you are not telling me?" She asked because, well, it couldn't get any worse. Or so she thought.

"I saw her earlier when I went to the kids' school. She was just sitting at bench looking as innocent as one could look. She's physically different too, I don't know if she dyed her hair or if she always had a ginger-ish shade of blonde, but yeah her hair is almost orange. Very hard to miss." She huffed and glared at him. If she wanted a description of a girl's look, she would be reading Jane Eyre, no asking him.

"Besides taking tips of her hairdresser, did you two talk?" She met a vociferous girl once and that dreadful woman was bad enough to endure, she didn't need a gossip man too. Regina surely was way too disturbed for a lifetime.

"Yeah…" He looked down and started fidgeting with his fingers. God Almighty! Would this conversation never end?

"What happened, Jefferson?" Well, she tried not to bare her teeth at him, but she was sure he would be talking soon. One way or another. The fact that she opened her house's door for him to hide didn't mean that she was past torturing him to get useful information. And anyway, why was he so reluctant to share this with her? Couldn't this man see the real threat-

"She said she was coming to get you."That was a whisper but could still be a shrinking yell. Anyway, she heard it. And if the fact that her heart almost jumped out of her chest was anything to go by, well, Regina Mills was feeling defeated without even starting the battle.

Her mind, always the masochist, made sure to remind her of the night she casted this curse. Oh that joyful night. _'This is going to be my happy ending'_, she said. She snickered to herself. It was going to be her ending indeed, but by the looks of it there would have nothing happy about it.

"Of course! There's a way!" His deafening yell almost exploded her eardrums and she glared at his sorry face. Regina was sure the cat and the crazy girl could have heard this howl even from a devastated Wonderland and she checked the glass in her hand - fortunately, it wasn't broken. "You know your new powers, right?" After he passed his cheerleader phase, he asked again. She didn't answer and convinced herself to let the man live to finish his sentence. She wasn't all evil after all. "You can make her fall in love with you! That way she will join us against the fucker!" 'A queen never coughs', that was what Cora always told her, but after hearing that silly and simply depraved idea, she couldn't help herself.

"What?!" Yes, she heard it once and she honestly hoped she was wrong. So she asked hoping that the world would open up and take her away from this situation. Far, far away.

"I said that I am helping you woo Alice's heart so she can join our side and we will win this." He was teasing her, she was sure. Probably that smile was his way of getting his revenge on- "That's the only way we can save our children and even Storybrooke, Regina! We can't let him control her anymore, the city needs us. The kids' need us. We don't have another option, we can't play with their futures, Henry and Grace deserve better-"

"And why should I be the one doing this selfless act when you are only going to be-"

"Your wingman! That's what I'm going to be." He declared, standing proudly as if he had just won the Noble Prize. The glare he received spoke every single expletive Regina couldn't force her mouth to pronounce. "I mean, you have this power to mess with people's feelings and that's our secret weapon. Besides, Alice probably despises me after everything I let her went through in Wonderland. I am not her favorite person." He wasn't anyone's favorite person.

"So that means that suddenly I have to court this mad girl to save the town I cursed while we are still planning to send Rumple and my mother away just based on the fact that my magic is getting out of hand and you used this fact to convince yourself that now I am an empath?" He nodded, the joker. "I'll have you know that I still can kill you in more ways that your deranged mind can even dream of, Jefferson!" He gulped and paled. Yes, that was more like it.

"It's for the children, Regina, I'm not messing with you. We don't even know how powerful Alice is to let her wander with that sick animal doing God knows what." Jefferson was pacing around like a bride and pouting like an infant. Why was God doing this? Why her? What had she done to deserve this? Was that because of the incident with cursing these peasants or something? The curse wasn't even hers, she only casted it! And more important, she wasn't sure even that would warrant this torture. "We have to try this, Regina. It's better than letting them run their destruction around town or battling against some wizard-god we don't know about. Please, think about it." He was pleading, he was almost weeping and she was feeling guilty. Christ! Since when does she have a heart? "And I'm also sure it would help taking your mind off Swan." He bit his lip and all her guilty went straight to hell; she was _so _going to end this man. And she was going to enjoy every second of- "I know you, Regina. That's all. Just think about it, okay? Henry and Grace don't deserve it. They…" She huffed. Damned man bringing her son into this mess!

"Okay, Jefferson, we can try to convince her to change sides." She was willingly subjecting herself to more despair. What mothers wouldn't do for their children? The smile she received was macabre and that did little to soothe her hurt feelings.

"Yes! You are going to woo Alice and we will have her help to send Rumple, Hook and the motherfu-"She just glared and he swallowed his words before she made him swallow his teeth. "I mean the cat to another realm where they will never get out! You are going to win, Regina. We will make it." He grinned and hugged her like an octopus. And surprisingly enough, he survived.

She sighed defeated. Life always had a way to destroy her happiness, nothing new about it.

Henry. It was all for Henry. She reassured herself.

And then Miss Swan would pay for her uncalled move and ridiculous kisses.

If she wanted to have a wooden puppet over a queen, then Regina was more than happy to teach her a lesson.

Alice was going to fall so hard for her that no rabbit hole would save her (why the hell she couldn't let this go?) and Regina would control her feelings to have her doing whatever she wanted her to without having to steal her heart.

Better a dark a murderous princess than a stupid blonde knight who couldn't even hold a sword.

Yes, that was it! She was going to win for-

"She's kinda pretty, too. Very pretty." Jefferson said out of the blue giving her a cup. Well, well, well, maybe that wouldn't be so dreadful after all. He raised his glass and she followed his action. "To us. The bad gone good. The winning team." So they toasted for the very first time.

Maybe things were not that bad.

Maybe.

* * *

**A/N: **It took me forever to write this 'cause I wasn't sure which direction I was aiming with this story and for that I apologize.

Thank you all who read and follow and favorite and review this. Let me know what you think, if you hate too much or anything. You can PM me if you feel bold enough.

Princess Alexandria: Yeah, the kid is nosy to no end, but I really see him as this brat who thinks the world revolves around him and knows no boundaries, just like M&M.

CoccinelleMenthol: Emma's is in denial and her head's a mess, so she gets kind of annoying. Don't know why, but I've always saw her like a big child doing things without thinking and because people trusted their lives in her hands, she tends to think that everything will go right in the end, regardless what she does and how. Just like Henry.

JPElles: Thank you. ;]

That's all, have a nice week, guys! Hopefully I'll see you soon. Xoxo.

The mistakes are all mine, though. Sorry about it.

Oh, I changed the story's name because I thought this one fits the characters more. After all, they are all crazy and the focus is still Emma getting mad about Regina. Sorry if it kinda messes up with something. I am all messed up, if it helps.

**Disclaimer: Still don't own a penny, a person or the show. Life's unfair.**


	7. Heart attack

_'You make me glow, but I cover up won't let it show. So I'm putting my defenses up 'cause I don't wanna fall in love. If I ever did that I think I'd have a heart attack.'_

Ruby took a generous deep breath and thanked heavens. This Friday night wasn't as awful as the previous ones she had. Leroy was surprisingly on his best behavior and there was no confrontation between good and evil or her best friend and Regina. Of course, she knew her best friend was avoiding the woman as if she ran over her puppy. Well, okay, the Evil Queen destroyed everyone's life (including her best friend's), but that was all water under the bridge and the blonde never seemed to care about that crap 'till this week.

So yes, the wolf woman knew something happened, she was just trying to figure out what exactly scared her friend so much that she skipped going to Granny's altogether. But so, she was a werewolf and that could be really helpful when she had farther and better instincts than everyone around the town (despite her granny, 'cause that lady was really hard to mess with). Emma went far enough with her bullshit to even avoid her, the only friend she had (M&M didn't count; she was her mother after all). It was time to take matters into her own hands. That was when someone almost knocked her door down. She sighed; her plan to smack some sense into a thick blonde skull would have to wait.

Okay, she would deal with Emma's shit after she answered the goddamned door. Her grandma really needed to start trusting her. This checking up on her every night was stressful. Whatever, she took a deep breath and steadied herself to open the door. That was it, she would say her mind.

"Emma! What are you doing here?" To her ultimate surprise, outside of her door stood a very drunk and pretty angered Savior swinging a whiskey's bottle like she was carrying a sword. What the hell was that crap?

"Yeah, I need to talk to you. Am I interrupting?" She said after marching through her room like a soldier prepared to face a war. Whatever may have happened really pissed her off.

"Who the hell rained on your parade?" She asked closing the door for some needed privacy. Which wouldn't be easy with the blonde's drunk yelling, but Ruby was nothing if optimistic.

"August did." Okay, she knew about the blonde's date, but what could have happened to get her like that? "And I almost fucked him." Her friend said after throwing herself on a chair and taking a large gulp at the bottle. Should she be worried about Emma's alcoholic behavior or was it normal? "But he fucked everything up. That bastard." Her eyes almost popped out of her head in surprise. Did she mean that August tried something with her?

"Oh my God! Are you okay?" She rushed to her side and sat on her bed to better look at her drunken friend.

"Yeah, barely." She half snarled and half joked. Holly hell! What did he do to her?

"Emma, sweetie, you have to tell me what he did, okay?" She tried not to snarl, but she was fucking sick to think that Pinocchio would stoop so low to have his way with Emma. Oh but he would pay! He may be a wooden boy, but she was a wolf and that meant he didn't have a chance. The motherfucker! She would break him in a million pieces and make her furniture with his woodened body.

"He wasn't Regina." That really got her mind blank.

"What?" Of course he wasn't Regina, it would be physically impossible for him to be her and… "Oh." That was when last week started to make any sense. Freaking fuck, shit was escalating quickly. "Oh!"

"Yeah, Rubes, fucking oh!" Her friend snarled and got up from her chair to pace around the room and gulp that horrible drink (she never knew how people could drink that crap, but she wasn't one to judge), looking rather frazzled. "Why did he have to wear that fucking beard? I mean, what's the problem with men? Do they really think their charms are on how much facial hair they can muster? Because I'll tell what, that's sick! And stupid. Just like him." Ruby was never so glad that her Granny's Bed & Breakfast didn't have that much visitors (or any at all), because surely someone would be barging at her door to complain about the noise if that was the case. She took a deep breath. Reasoning with drunken people always stressed her and that time would not be different.

"And what does Regina have to do with August being a prick?" After hearing the question, her blonde friend turned so fast that Ruby was sure she got whiplashed. But when she convinced herself that Emma wasn't about to throw up on her already wrecked room, she sighed relaxed.

"What does she have to do with it? It's her fucking fault!" Oh boy! With all those unworthy jobs to have, why did Regina have to curse her to be a waitress? She couldn't stand drunken people. The only sense she could muster was that Regina was truly wicked. "What the hell is wrong with my life, Rubes? Nothing makes sense anymore. It's fucking infuriating!" Ruby sighed. Oh God! Where was Archie when you needed him? "Why did she have to be the fucking Evil Queen and my son's other mother? Why did she have to be May Margaret's greatest enemy? Why did she have to fucking kiss me?" Ruby kept her mouth shut, but was unable to look less surprised than she was and that caught Emma's attention. "Oh fuck!" She spluttered looking defeated and fell on Ruby's bed.

"So she kissed you?" She tried to ask nonchalant when she was really too damn curious to flirt with the idea of knocking her best friend out and trying to take the information out of her using hypnosis. She quickly dropped that theory; unfortunately she didn't know how to proceed. That only meant she would have to deal with Emma's drunken rants. Oh joy.

"No, I kissed her first." Emma whispered like she just admitted committing a crime. "But yeah, she kissed me back. We kinda make out." She smelled blood so she knew her blonde friend was blushing from head to toes.

"That's interesting…" It really was. So that was why Emma was hiding from Regina like some shy kid? That was _so_ cute. Anyways that shy look was soon replaced by a pair of inquisitive eyes. "So how was it?" She knew how it was, but she was trying anything to make her friend feel better.

"It was awful. Disgusting. Never kissed someone so bad at it in my whole life." Even when that meant listening to that amount of lies. That made Ruby thought of August. If the man ever lied that much in one breathe, she was pretty sure he would grow roots and be newest tree adorning Storybrooke. Life was funny that way.

"And August was a good kisser?" Probably not. That one even she passed up, he looked too slow to be good at that. The only interesting thing with him would be early sex, with his morning wood and all that jazz. But still, she would have to spend the night to try this theory and that really freaked her out. But now she somehow got Belle, so she didn't entertain these thoughts anymore. Thank God!

"Yeah, he was kinda… nice, I guess." See? Just like she predicted. The only thing hot that man could do was setting his body on fire. That would be a great bonfire. And would make everyone hot. "But he is a moron, so that settles it." Okay.

"Did Regina make you feel something?" She knew she was being devilish but in that moment she was too invested in trying to take her best friend out of the closet to care. And judging by Emma's look, she was getting under the blonde's skin just fine. "I mean, besides disgust." The wolf-woman said after taking pity on the sheriff.

"Well, yeah. Anger and disgust and that kinda stuff." Oh hell! Even Henry could sound more mature than Emma right then. Regina really wrecked her best friend's brain. "But disgusted more so, ya know?" She nodded. Not because she believed anything Emma was spitting, but she understood her friend's denial. A little too much.

"So what was the problem, Ems?" 'Besides you being stuck so deep in Narnia that you're a step from seeing a lion, knowing that you already have a witch and are trapped in the wardrobe' she wanted to complete, but that would put her plan to damnation, so she kept quiet.

"He was just nice, you know? Nothing much. It was like kissing an orange." Ruby saved that in her brain for future teasing. It was so easy to get through Emma…

"And Regina was terrible?" The blonde nodded and huffed taking another gulp at her bottle.

"Yeah, she was terrible. Very much awful and everything, but she is also straight and so- " She had to laugh at it, really had. That was the cut in she was waiting for!

"Yeah, right. If Regina's straight, then so is Ricky Martin." She smirked at her best friend hoping to ease her fear of rejection and help that messed up couple-

"Oh yeah? And how exactly can you be so sure about it, Ruby?" Well, fuck! That was what you got for trying to help your best friend to win her princess. Or queen. Or whatever.

"I just know it. I'm really tuned at the gossip around here." She was probably smiling too much and looking too mad for her own good. But Emma was glaring at her with so much rage that her mouth opted for the easiest way out. Lying. She was only human. Okay, not exactly.

"Tell me the fucking truth!" The blonde gritted her teeth at her face and in the corner of her mind she knew that there was no way in hell for Emma to strike her wolf down, but the rest of her brain was downright frightened. "You fucked her, didn't you?" To her defense, Ruby didn't lie that time and just looked at her hands – she had to polish her nails, she had a date with Belle the following day, so she was trying to impress the girl. "Fucking hell, Ruby, you did it, right? Answer me!" Well, when she was asking so politely...

"Yes, I-" But the rest of her confession didn't pass the hiss of pain that came from having Emma's fist connected with her face. Thank God she was a werewolf or her jaw would be broken by now. "What the hell, Emma? Are you out of your mind?" Probably she was 'cause she was looking crazy and murderous enough to scare even the wolf. As if she was disgusted by something, Emma got up from the bed and started pacing a little more (Ruby didn't like that carpet, so she couldn't care less if her blonde friend wore a hole in it). She took another gulp at her bottle.

"Was it good?" Was that a trick question? She took a look at the blonde and by her expression Ruby saw that whatever Emma wanted her answer to be, she was expecting her to reply and that would get seriously threatening for the deputy.

"She wasn't good." Lies, lies, lies. She wasn't even surprised when she got punched for the second time. She kinda deserved it.

"The hell, Ruby? So what? Did the two of you play couple behind my back? That's it?" Ruby sighed, she was a step from breaking that fucking bottle on her best friend's head and was still convincing herself to look innocent when she tells May Margaret the story later. But even with her violent tendencies, the rational part of her brain immediately picked the jealousy coming from Emma in waves. Hell! She was not getting paid enough to deal with that bullshit.

"Are you out of your, mind, Emma? Fucking hell! Listen to yourself! That thing between Regina and I happened way before you came into the picture. We were all stuck her through twenty-eight years if you forgot." That seemed to calm Rocky enough and she took a deep breath.

"So you two dated or what?" She tried to mask her envy, Ruby gave her that. But it was still too easy to mess with the blonde (call her sadist, but she was really enjoying herself).

"Oh no, we just fucked each other casually." If looks could kill, the blonde would probably be chucking her body into the river by now. "She really got me, you know? As a person. She understood me. That's why we got along." She heard her friend snickering and gulping more alcohol. Not even her Camaro drank that much and that car was well know for bankrupting people.

"What else should I know?" Emma snarled.

"Nothing. I can't tell you how long it lasted 'cause the clock didn't work out until you came. So that was it." For what she remembered, it lasted long enough for Emma to try killing her in her sleep, but her friend didn't need to know that part. The sheriff just nodded looking a little less threatening.

"When was the last time?" Well, well, well wasn't that the game's question? So what could she say? "Just tell me the truth, Ruby, we are friends." Emma said as if sensing her uneasy. Whatever, she took a deep breath and went for it. There was no use in lying when she knew the woman in front of her would read right through it, so she might as well go all the way down.

"It was when you two fought and you went away with Graham to do God knows-" That one stung more than the other punches. However when she looked at her friend, she knew that it hurt her more than that aimless hit. "Oh, Ems, come here." She quickly hugged her best friend and tried to calm her down. To no avail, as the sheriff was on a crying fit and shrugged to get away from her. That made Ruby fucking sad and guilty. "I'm so sorry, Em. So, so sorry…" Seeing as she had no way out, Emma hugged her back as tight as a seatbelt and tried to control her emotions. She was somehow skeptical still, seeing her so strong friend crying her eyes out was one of the saddest things she ever seen.

"Sh-she killed him, Ruby, she's evil. What do I do?" She whispered between sobs and cleaned her face with the back of her hands.

"I'll tell something I've learned from life, Ems. We are all murderers one way or another. People die because of our choices, directly or not. I know this still doesn't excuse Regina's attitude and I'm not trying to. I just want you to know that there are countless reasons for us to despise people, anyone. But when we love someone, we do it despite everything. You-" She felt the woman jump far from her like she was being electrocuted.

"I don't love her, Ruby! I really don't. I just… don't." She sighed, just when she thought they were making progress…

"You know, Emma, denial isn't just a river in Egypt." The woman shot her the most hateful looks known to man and snickered at her menacingly. God! With so many things to inherit from her father, Emma really had to get that Charming slow and stubborn brain. How M&M managed to deal with them on a daily basis? "The worst thing that someone can do is to judge you by whom you love. And that only mean that those people are not able to love at all."And she honestly believed her. Hell! Even Ruby liked Regina, it wasn't impossible for someone to just love her. The townspeople who were a bunch of bigots and knew shit about losing their faith were all wrong. All in all, that got her friend's attention and for that she was happy. "What's the problem with Regina? 'Cause if you ask me, even when your parents snarl at this new, they would never cross her. People here would cheer you on if they think you are playing a trick on her. And your son wouldn't hate to have her for dinner either. So tell me, what's wrong?" Ruby asked with her arms crossed.

"Jefferson. They are living together." What the fuck was that supposed to mean? How were they living together? Since when there was a 'they' as a couple? "And I don't love her. Really. I may be attracted to her but that's all." She rolled her eyes. God! This woman couldn't be denser!

"Okay, so if I say that I was planning to meet Regina, you-" She hid her smile when the blonde all but screamed.

"Don't fucking dare!" Well, there was her girl, as bright as a sunshine day.

"You just said you didn't care about-" That strike she didn't see coming. "What the fuck!" It wasn't fair! She was really innocent to be punched like that.

Emma sighed and she took her time to really look at her best friend. The blonde couldn't look worse even if she tried. Her face was red (from anger, disgust or sadness, Ruby couldn't tell), her body was trembling and her eyes were very crazy, daring the brunette to say anything else. She kept quiet, for obvious reasons 'cause even with being a wolf and so, those punches really made a number on her face. To hell with it! If the blonde was planning to drink herself into a coma and waltz around the city throwing her fists at people, well, she had another thing coming. And fortunately, Ruby just knew what to do.

"I'm going to sleep right here and you are not going to talk shit about Regina anymore, so help me God, I will fucking throw you out of this goddamn window! Are we clear?" Ruby just arched an eyebrow at her. The fact that she was really entertaining the idea of messing with her friend a little more- "Good night." That said, the blonde dived at her bed only stopping to take off her boots and to put that disgusting bottle on her nightstand.

"Night." The deputy whispered back when she saw that the blonde wasn't just fucking with her head. She sighed. Ruby couldn't wait to see those two together because she was honestly tired of dealing with their bullshit every fucking day. And those two better make this motherfucking works faster 'cause now, as if wrecking her on her waking hour, they even managed to fuck her sleep over. Coward lesbians! With that thought, she made her way to her couch – there was no way in hell she was sleeping beside Emma, with that awful smell of alcohol, she might as well sleep on a gas station. Coward drunk lesbians.

Come tomorrow, the Sheriff will regret being so stupid and slow. Oh how she will!

* * *

Lying on his bed, Henry couldn't understand anything about the past few days. What went wrong and, mostly exactly, where? Emma and his mom were doing so good with their friendship before the dinner with Cora a couple days ago and yesterday his Ma was almost hit by a car (okay, Marco was an awful driver, but still) when she decided to literally run from Regina. So when did it all go to hell? His Savior mom even admitted to making out with his brunette mom and he knew Emma, she was as stubborn as a mule, but that was something he heard his adoptive mom saying. And she was pretty smart, so he couldn't argue with that. but she did confess and they were going to be friends. Right?

Of course, it didn't exactly mean that she had feelings for his other mom, but that was the first step, right? When it came to those two, it was _all _about baby steps and that was why, even months after breaking the curse, they were still too chicken to act on their feelings.

Sure, people tried to mess them up even more (as if they needed), but that still didn't change the fact that it was about bloody time, for Christ's sake! And what the hell was August doing when he asked his Ma on a date? Jesus! Couldn't he bark (or pee, Henry was not sure about it) up another tree? It wasn't like he didn't like the guy, he was okay enough, but his brunette mom was way better and it was plain to see that between Regina and Pinocchio, Emma would always choose his adoptive mom. He was almost sure that even between cancer and August, his savior mom would rather have an early death. Yeah, he was that positive.

Okay, that explained; why his grandma was gushing about Emma's date as if that was something good? Honestly, the only answer he could come up with was that both his Ma and August were working on some project together (like his mom and Jefferson), because it would be stupid to believe that they could be anything but teammates. Maybe friends, but that would be all. And Henry knew for a fact that if, and only if, his blonde mom suspected that his grandma was planning her wedding with Pinocchio after knowing about this 'date'… Well, she would be a widow before getting married. And that's not mentioning what his other mom would do about it, probably another world-wrecking curse or something that bad.

Anyway, that all was messed up pretty badly and even when he didn't like August that much, Henry knew that he was going to be a good prince someday and it would be bad if he let the dude die. Or if he let his brunette mom curse everyone again – he kinda liked this world.

That was when the eleven-year-old boy came up with a plan: if his moms were too slow to see that they were made for each other (that would be Emma's case, sometimes she was pretty dumb), he would bring them together. And that was it! Everything would go back to normal and the three of them would have their happy endings like a real family.

The kid smiled to himself. Yeah, tomorrow he would start his plan and they will fall in love so hard that there will be no coming back. With that, he went to sleep.

* * *

"Fucking hell! Where is the motherfucking fire?" Ruby just rolled her eyes and dropped her (now dry) bottle of water on the floor. Yeah, it would be hell washing her blankets and probably her mattress was soaked too, but there was no way she would let Emma sleep a second more. Not when the blonde kept her wake with her loud snores and drunken mumblings. No way in wicked hell! "The fuck, Ruby?" The soaked blonde said rubbing her eyes. Good.

"Get the hell out of this bed and take a nice shower 'cause you are lucky I couldn't find a lighter to burn your drunken ass alive." She couldn't see it, but there was no doubt the sheriff was rolling her eyes. "And I mean it _now!_" That made the woman jump on her feet as if the bed was on fire. "You are going to help me with the diner today, Emma, 'cause that little stunt you put into punching me last night… Well, I didn't wake as forgiving." Her tone was low and threatening and even with her room bathed in black, she could feel the fear coming from her friend.

"Hey, I'm sor-"

"Yes, you are. Now move your ass to the bathroom and wash the alcohol from your system, so help me God!" That said, the blonde ran like a madwoman and she sighed. The fucking sheets also needed to be changed. Crap! "There are some aspirins in the cabinet." She heard something like a 'thank you'. "Whatever. And brush your teeth or you are going to burn the whole kitchen to ashes just by opening your mouth!" The waitress sighed glaring at her ruined room. What a fucking Saturday!

* * *

"Maybe Henry will be there to have breakfast with us, right?" His chirpy daughter was smiling at him and he nodded grimacing in return from his seat. The brunette on the passenger seat smiled just as big at Grace.

How could that woman drink as much as he did and still look _that _regal? Jefferson was feeling like a fucked up mess! His head was pounding, his hands were trembling, and his knees were weak and his stomach… Well, just imagining food made him think about going to the hospital instead of Granny's. At least there he could lie down and be fed from tubes and whatever. God! How was he even driving? That was fucked up!

"Well, I do hope we can see him." The evil woman said smiling still. Oh, how he hoped they _wouldn't _see Henry. Not that he disliked the boy, but seeing him would also mean facing Snow White, or even worse, her rude spawn and his morning was screwed enough without getting the shit beaten out of him. But part of him was still felling slightly optimist 'cause that train wreck suddenly moved out of the planet. So yeah, hopefully she won't be there and maybe they would have a great morning like a family. Maybe Kathryn will be there too…

"We're here, daddy!" Grace shouted as if she was doing a Broadway performance and he whimpered. Of course, nothing would stop his little angel's cheerfulness, so she jumped off of the car and ran to Regina's door, all but dragging the woman out. "Come on, Gina! It will be our first meal as a family and Henry might be here, too." Not for her facial expression (that gave nothing away), he knew that Regina was a little nervous about it too. But like any other mortal, she couldn't say no to his daughter. That wicked little blondish girl. "Get out, daddy! It will be sooo cool!" The former Evil Queen gave him a little nod, one that said 'we are pretty screwed, but let's keep up with the appearances, dear'. Yeah! Looking fear in the eye! He could do that. He would do that. "This will be the best breakfast ever!" Grace shouted and took one of his hands and one of Regina's too. He looked at the brunette and she smirked at him, much like her older and evilest self with her face schooled in a 'no bullshit, peasants' expression. Well, fuck.

"Yes, I do agree this will be a highly enjoyable meal, Grace." Regina said and with that, he opened the door (yes, he was a bastard and everything under the sun, but that didn't mean he would let a queen and his princess do the job. He was still a gentleman, after all) and the three of them entered the diner probably carrying the silence along them, 'cause that would be the only explanation he could give to the scene in front of him. Or Regina made all the customers eat their own tongues. All the talk and the smiles vanished from everyone's faces and were replaced by fear and curiosity. Those creepers didn't even try to hide their glares or their little sarcastic smiles. Some fuckers they were.

"I love this feeling, I'm feeling like a superstar." Well, trust Grace to enjoy this fuckery. He took a look at his partner in crime and though she still made you want to throw yourself at her feet and apologize for everything, she was still a nervous wreck, he could tell because he knew her well enough. That was until her face broke into a smile so big that he felt lightheaded. "Yeah! Henry is over there!" Oh joy! Before he could shallow the lump in his throat, his little girl turned and faced them both. "See? I told ya it was going to be the best breakfast ever!" Jefferson just smiled and hoped. He could do nothing more.

* * *

"God, Ruby! Can you give me a little hand over here?" Why in hell she asked that clumsy woman to help her with the diner could be tagged as one of the secrets of existence. Freaking fuck! Emma couldn't hold a plate to save the humanity! "About fucking time!" The blonde huffed and Ruby closed her eyes to keep her cool. Punching the sheriff while she fought her own hands to hold a tray would only mean even more mess and her mood was pretty much fucked to even contemplate cleaning the diner because of it. "Hey, Rubes, what's wrong?" Probably sensing her distress, her blonde friend asked her.

"Nothing, just hold this shit, Emma. Our shift barely started and I'm not looking forward to cleaning the floor. Again." Yes, Emma let two cokes and a coffee fall before eight. Lord knows how her Saturday will end.

"Hey! I'm sorry, okay? I don't know exactly how to this." Yes, even Stevie Wonder could see that. "And it wasn't my fault-"

"Whose fault was it then? The gravity's, I presume." She was extremely tired of people who were unable to hold their responsibilities and blamed everyone else instead of themselves. But still, that was the syncope of her whole life.

"Hey! I'm sorry, okay? I'm trying here! No need to bite my head off! Christ! What is up to you?" She would have let it pass if not for the concern and sadness making an appearance on her best friend's angry tone. The brunette sighed again. Yes, Emma Swan was a mess and an inept clown, but it was unfair to kick her ass for something she couldn't be blamed for. _That_ little something was not on her; however that woman could be blamed for from her headache to her sleepless night. And yet, her crappy mood was on someone else's account. "I'll get out of your hair." Her friend whispered and turned to leave (pouting like a child). Oh God! Why women had to be so fucking manipulative?

"Hey, I'm sorry, okay? Not _everything _is your fault." Funny enough, the blonde still refused to face her. So she sighed again. "It was Belle…" Of course, sharing M&M (even after the curse broke, Ruby refused to call her other bestie anything but M&M, it was way better than Snow White; besides, she really like Eminem and his music. It was like a tribute, right?) genes, the sheriff turned to listen to the gossip. She rolled her eyes to herself. Both of them were her best friends, of course they would want to listen, that was what good friends did. "She just stood me up, okay? We kinda broke up." After that, Emma's eyes got wide and in her hurry to hug the brunette, she almost broke three glasses and two plates. And surely, Ruby was not amused. "Put this fuck down first. Christ!" The disaster prone woman just rolled her eyes and hugged her best friend (after setting the tray down with its contents, better be safe than sorry).

"I'm so sorry, Rubes…" And she should be, if she let that crap fall it would be minus one hundred dollars on her paycheck. "I didn't know you two were dating…" That got the wolf-girl slightly embarrassed.

"Yeah, we aren't." Blondie arched an eyebrow at her. "Or weren't." Semantics. "Anyway, today would be our first date…" With that, she was once again crushed in the Savior's arms.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ruby shook her head. "What exactly happened?" The probing woman wouldn't let go, she should have seen that one coming.

"She said something about wanting to find herself first before being anything people want her to be. I get it, you know? But I thought she was talking about Rumple or her father, but…" The blonde didn't let go and for that Ruby felt incredibly lucky. Yes, the woman was a stubborn, potty-mouthed, rude, violent and mentally damaged person, but she was _her_ person. That changed everything. "But she was talking about me, you know? As if I chained her or locked her or I don't know, Em, I just…" And that got her crying like a baby. Both women had that in common, in the last 24 hours, the two of them kissed their prides goodbye over a pretty jerk. The brunette just needed some alcohol and they would be redoing last night's scene.

"Hey, it's not that bad." Of course, it took too long for Emma to put her foot in her mouth. Anyway, she was glared at with a passion. "I mean, we could put ourselves in her place, Rubes, the girl is probably feeling lost, you know? She was locked-"

"It's not about that, Emma." She let go of her friend's embrace and cleaned her tearstained cheeks. "It's about her wanting to know herself and the world _without _me, 'kay?" She sobbed. And Emma looked as awkward as ever. With her hands on her pockets and rocking like a swing, the sheriff was looking like some psycho tramp. "And we promised we would run away from here and see everything together…" Oh fuck, how low she got. "She just…" That changed her friend's whole demeanor. The woman was now looking like a homicidal psycho tramp, which was a pretty creepy sigh.

"Yeah, you know what?" She wasn't sure she would like to know either. "Just fuck her!" The waitress looked at her friend with an arched eyebrow, but that didn't stop Emma's rant, oh no! "Hope she shoves the whole world up her ass." The sheriff was pacing and gesticulating with her hands, so if anyone had the misfortune of walking in the kitchen, they would probably think she was talking about her love life (in another words, talking about Regina Mills). "She was fucking lucky to have you and now she wants to leave you because she is scared? Well, I have another one coming! Life is fucking scary!" Of course, Ruby was highly amused by the speech, because, let's face it! The blonde was still running away from Regina both metaphorically and literally, so yeah, that was bullshit. "You sleep every night not knowing if you'll wake up the following day and even if you do, you're never sure if you'll get home to just be with the ones you love. We can die right know or in the next or so hours and what? You are just going to let people rule your life because you can face stuff and fight for lo-" Before her best friend could admit that she messed everything up with Regina because she was, well, as scared as Belle, as she said so, someone interrupted her presidential lecture.

"That's a very nice sermon, Miss Swan, but could both of you hurry the hell up because the tables won't be serving themselves anytime soon!" Granny walked in and well, that was enough to make both girls jump out of their skin. "What the hell are you waiting for? The fucking apocalypse?" That set the two into motion and two red and embarrassed women all but flew out of the kitchen mumbling something like apologies and the old lady sighed. Yes, they were two adults acting like teenagers, was that really what True Love was about? Because in the sheriff's case, she could see a pattern after she met a moping Charming back at Fairytale Land. "Hey!" The two women looked back humiliated as hell (and Emma, once again, almost broke a wine's bottle. How could that girl be a princess? Better not to know). "I saw some films with Henry when he was little." Emma and Ruby looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. "You know, they are called Disney, or something." The younger werewolf girl opened her mouth to correct her grandma, but said lady just held her hand. If she didn't know better, Ruby was sure that gesture could be taken as magic. "Anyway, it was about a mermaid and I'm telling you this because your little brat fell in love with the song." From the corner of her eye, Ruby saw Emma making some motion to correct the woman, but she thought better of it. If it was due the fact that she was afraid of Granny or if it was because she agreed with the fact that, indeed, Henry could be a brat (just like her), Ruby didn't ask.

"Which one?" The blonde asked after she decided that her son's reputation wasn't worth the older wolf's lecture. At least the blonde was not _that _dumb.

"Go on and kiss the girl." Her Granny said smiling and Ruby wasn't sure if she should laugh, cry, run or call Archie and inform him about her grandma's odd behavior, so she kept her mouth shut. "Or the woman. Whatever rocks your boat." Still walking around the kitchen, the old lady didn't turn to look at the two girls freeze at the door. The brunette was looking at her idiot friend who was mimicking a fish. What the fuck was that girl on? Maybe she was still drunk. "Oh, come on! I'm old, not blind, Emma! And even if I were, I would still smell your boner for our Evil Queen from another state." Her grandma decided to finish her job and put the blonde in a cardiac arrest.

"I don't… I'm not- I mean-" Poor sheriff fought a rough battle against the English grammar – and lost. Of course, her friend's inability to form a sentence did not faze the old lady, who couldn't care less about the freaked out lesbian in denial. Hell, she should have used that approach the day before!

"Save it, child." Again, she did that trick with raising her hand. Maybe Regina taught her that. "You can lie to yourself all you want 'cause I don't care. But when you lose her over your fear of other people's judgment, don't you dare cry or mope around city because it will be well deserved." With that, her granny turned around again and went on looking for something in the fridge. If Ruby, who was raised by her for her whole life didn't know what to say, Emma was another thing completely. Despite the fact that she was still breathing, the Savior was as still as a pillar of salt.

"Er, you mean it?" It was as loud as a murmur, but both werewolves' women heard as loud a shout (super hearing and all that jazz). "I mean, it's just… kiss her?" Her combat boots probably looked far more interesting than any of them, Ruby thought seeing that Emma was looking down, rather ashamed. Granny sighed.

"Kiss it better, child." Her grandma finished her love advice with a wink and Emma blushed like a teenager. Still looking at her Romeo-esque friend, she saw the moment when her (slow) brain processed all that information and the savior changed her whole attitude. Nodding as fast and as much as a demoniac doll, the White Knight straightened her posture and breathed so deep that Ruby almost thought her friend was going to dive to explore the ruins of Titanic. "Not here though. I don't need any more True Love make out on my watch, thank you very much." And all her savior's courage sank as deep as the wrecked ship. Ruby squeezed her hand for moral support (God only knows how much she would need it). "Now you go back to work before your lovely Mayor decides to throw a fireball at my beloved kitchen. And nobody will save you both if that happens." Her Granny shouted and the two of them sprinted back at work. Not because of Regina, obviously, but her grandma was too fucking scary on a good day and if something like that happened to the woman's kitchen… Well, she could only hope to die in those flames.

* * *

"Well, I thought the angry mob was their only scheme to punish my evil deeds. Now it seems they are not past starving me death to illustrate their hatred for me." A very enraged Regina said beside him and not even a thousand Henrys could calm the woman down. Not that Jefferson could disagree with her point, 'cause waiting more than fifteen minutes to have Ruby writing down their orders, well, that was pretty evil.

"I bet something happened in the kitchen, it won't take too long, I promise you, mom." The wicked boy said with a maniac smile that couldn't mean something good.

Starting with the fact that he was escorted to the diner by the one and only loud-mouthed snooping teacher, Jefferson couldn't think of something worse than that. Obviously, the woman tried to make a conversation with them (which was nothing new, seeing that once he saw her trying to speak to a cinder block back at Fairytale Land. If she was high from some mushroom tea, or if she really believed that Medusa had stopped by their world and accidentally glared at one of her nosy dwarves, he didn't ask, but that didn't mean he forgot it) only to be shot down by Regina – gotta love that woman! And surprisingly enough, his best friend wasn't offensive in the slightest, she was just practical. So when the garrulous woman asked if they could take care of Henry while she had to do something somewhere (he got lost after she talked about Puppet Man, her stupid husband, some other teachers at school and there was something about Belle and Ruby and Rumple and Emma that he couldn't grasp in time) and Regina's only response was an arched eyebrow followed by silence. Unfortunately, big mouth took that as a sign to, well, talk even more and again, his brunette friend saved him with a 'weren't you late?' that got the chatterbox woman running through the door. And that was his morning. So far so good.

"Hey, Henry, do you like to play hide and seek?" His beloved daughter asked and the boy nodded and grinned in return. "Can we play, daddy?" A pouting Grace asked him and she could bankrupt him to his last dime with that expression. Sneaky girl. But he decided to be a strict father while he could; Lord knows how hard it will be once she hit puberty.

"If Regina let you both…" Said brunette glared at him with a force that probably caused an earthquake somewhere in the world. He gulped.

"Yes, you can, but only play where _I _can see. And no getting out of Granny's." She said in her best mayoral voice and the kids nodded, eager to play.

"Yeah! You're the best! We'll be back soon!" The children shouted together and hugged the not-so Evil Queen before dashing out of there to hide. He thought Regina 'magic-ade' him invisible, but his daughter waved them a goodbye, so he knew that he was just being ignored. Again.

"Well, at least they can play while we wait for Ruby to-" He started to say but was interrupted.

"How can I help you?" Finally! He turned his head to address (what he thought was) Ruby and the sigh before his eyes almost gave him a heart attack. What the fucking fuck!?

"Miss Swan?" Regina looked just as freaked out as he was and that relaxed him a little bit. At least he wasn't the only one losing his mind. The hopeless wreck just smiled back at her and he arched his eyebrow. Maybe Regina made him invisible after all. "What kind of joke is that?" The blonde's smile enraged his best friend and he thanked heavens for being unseen right there. Small victories at least.

"I'm working here today. Ruby asked me to help her… So. Yeah, that's it. Anyway, what will you have, Regina?" She was embarrassed, he could tell.

"Well, I'll have two black coffees, two orange juices, some toasts and eggs, and some apple pancakes. Oh, two milks, too." Jefferson arched a surprised eyebrow at her; not because she was ordering for him (for which he was glad) but how many armies was she expecting to feed with that amount of food? She sighed, probably reading his mind. "The children are playing, that means they will be even hungrier and Grace never seems to make up her mind between milk and orange juice and if Henry sees this, he will want the same, so I'm just being practical." She said as if it was only logical to order that much food. Maybe she was right.

"You are a great mother, you know?" He couldn't help but smile at her and she returned it with one of her own. Of course, if he weren't overanalyzing her friend's order so much, he would never make that move where the violent sheriff's eyes could reach 'cause that would be suicidal, right? At least, it was for the blonde's pen destiny – crushed, much like his face some days ago. And that called him back to his last breathing minutes. Jefferson timidly glanced at Regina and she looked just as shocked as he was feeling. Honestly, the whole diner felt hotter and smaller, probably those cursed dummies were praying for a confrontation and he was the unfortunate one to face it. The blonde hellraiser was seething and sneering at him with such passion that he almost started to hate himself. But before he followed that lane, someone interceded for his life.

"Emma!" The shout caught her attention and it only proved Jefferson's point that she was, indeed, in a serious killer vibe or she just ignored the mysterious person earlier attempts to call her. He turned to thank his savior and to his utter surprise (and Regina's disgust) a very human Pinocchio was intensely looking at the distasteful woman. Not one to be afraid, Miss Pouty-mouth turned her unholy glare at him and Regina followed her lead and stared at the man with such hatred that Jefferson was sure that she could turn the dude back to wood just to incinerate him. Yeah, the guy was probably the only person in this goddamned world unluckier than him. "Can we-"

"August! I'm so glad to see you here!" As if the situation wasn't bad enough, out of the blue the walking mouth appeared dragging her retard prince and smiled at their nearing doom. "How was your date with my daughter? I was just about to ask her before you came in." The motor-mouth didn't see the tension, as always, and laughed very much unaware of much she just fucked the morning for every other customer with her question. He took a look at Regina and right on clue her eyes were so bright they were nearing yellow. Fuck, he will die with an empty stomach.

"I'm alright, thank you, Snow! I'm just here to talk to Emma, if she's avaia-"

"She's not!" The animal howled in response and Jefferson appreciated the fact that Regina was a little calmer after that. Maybe they still could escape and-

"Oh, come on, baby! He even brought you red roses." No, they will never survive that fucked up mess. "You know what they say about them, don't-"

Before Snow's never-stopping-mouth could spit anything about flowers and their meaning, every single lamp in the diner exploded and that made everyone jump out of their skin. Yes, it was highly hard to believe that Granny's whole electric system decided to shatter at the same time, so it was most definitely Regina's doing. A choir of 'what the fuck's could be listened from the another state and the dumbass prince took a broom to fight the darkness while his beloved walking dictionary mumbled something that he couldn't hear with all the yelling going around, thankfully. Of course, after hearing every single expletive under the sun, Granny all but ran to see what the fuck people had up their asses. Ruby came rushing behind her, probably to have some material to gossip later – that girl should totally be a journalist, she would be more famous than Louis Lane.

"What is going on here?" Her commanding voice shut the fuckers' mouth and for that he was almost grateful. That was until every single one of them pointed their fingers at Regina, who got up as regally as one in that screwed up situation could ever dream of. The moronic duo's spawn took some steps back and watched everything with an open mouth (like her mother, those cursed genes!), some savior they had. "Regina, what happened?" The old crone asked and some suicidal bitch shouted a 'she happened'. Regina crocked her always victorious and smug smirk and he stood and crossed his arms by her side. Not that he could protect the Evil Queen or anything, but he could play them, right? With a wave of his best friend hand, every single piece of furniture was floating in the air, and that included everything, from silverware to chairs and food. She was still smirking and her eyes were sparkling a bright and vivacious yellow… Well, that didn't look good. "Regina, could you please calm down?" The old hag tried to sound a little too friendlier and he cringed. They were _so _going to die.

"Well, Mrs. Lucas, your lovely little nun over there said that I happened which is a foul lie and here I thought that lying was a sin, but I guess that when it comes to me, everything is fair game, right?" Regina said with her head tilted and wearing her mocking smile glaring at said whore because she probably found it as amusing as it was offending. She looked possessed and had a haunting expression that would make the devil cry in fear. He gulped and frowned at everyone because even being as fucking afraid as he was then, Regina expanded her feelings (being aware of it or not, he could not tell) and he never felt angrier in his whole life. "But correcting you, Astrid, I did not happen. But as your luck will have it, I'm about to."

"Emma, please do something!" Of course the bigger mouth yelled at her inopportune daughter, but seeing that the inept blonde was glaring at the wooden boy so fiercely that he was about to get holes in his woodened body, the blonde only arched an eyebrow and looked at an almost pleading Astrid.

"Stop Regina before she kills us all." Well, Jefferson was praying for that to happen sooner rather than later. A world without the talkative idiot and her ignorable prince? Too good to pass!

"Come on, sister! Knock this bitch down and save us from the Evil Queen!" The always drunk Leroy shouted and looked at the klutz blonde with betrayal written all over his sly face. "What the fuck? Are you going to let this whore win? You have got to be fucking me!" He grinded his teeth at the woman and the chorus of 'I'll kill you, evil witch' was so surreal that somehow it called someone else's attention right in time (unfortunately, 'cause he was hoping to see all Granny's knives stuck deep in that freaking nun's heart).

And walking through Granny's door came a smiling Rumple and some unknown dude. Both of them called everyone's attention, including Regina's who released all her inanimate hostages and they fell right into their places. Oh well, the idiotic duo would survive another. Fucking fate, son of a bitch! Anyway, if the Creeper Wizard of Hell saw the Evil Queen fuck up with Newton's gravity theory, he didn't say a thing. Maybe it was overrated, this stuff about those gravitation laws, or it was something Evil and Dark had in common, they defied gravity and all that crap. The Darkest Weirdo of All Lands kept his crazy eyes on the awkward blonde, just like the strange guy was doing without even blinking.

"Well, Miss Swan, it's good to see you again. Hopefully now you are calm enough to have that talk we unfortunately had to rain check last time." Rumple said in his slick sweet voice and she all but ignored his unwelcome presence, focusing her glare at the visitor beside him.

"Emma, I want to-" The foreign lad rehearsed some explanation to give to the fuming blonde, but Stick Guy yelled from the top of his wooden lungs.

"What the hell are you doing here, Neal?!" Jefferson took a look at Regina and she looked back just as clueless as he was feeling. That diner was looking like a psycho hospital; everyone who passed the phase of glaring at them, then later badmouthing them and after that shouting to have their heads were now looking between Furniture Boy and Anonymous Guy. Some sneaked a glance or two at the useless blonde, but she was as stoic as Pinocchio's body (back when he and Regina were lucky).

"Pinocchio, you destroyed my life once and I lost the woman I love because of your empty promises, so don't you dare try to stop me or I'll end you." Mysterious Fighter shouted taking off his coat. Wow! That was going to get interesting. He looked at Regina and nodded towards the balcony, she agreed and followed him. They sat at the booths and Regina called a speechless Ruby attention.

"Hello, Miss Lucas, may we have two apple pancakes and two black coffees?" The woman just nodded and rushed back to the kitchen, probably afraid of the fucked up scene happening in front of them.

"Hey! I will have none of this inside my diner! If you want to fight, you two get out of here!" Granny shouted and all the yelling (he could her some 'please, don't do this' and they were talking about money 'hey, twenty on the new one'; so or he heard all wrong or the good fools were taking bets) came to an end. "Good. Now, if you tell me who the hell you are and what both of you want with my friend over there…" Jefferson heard some gasps around the room, but nothing came from the tongue-tied blonde – big win!

"Baby, do you know this man?" Of course, Super Tongue didn't know how to keep her mouth shut and decided to probe information from the paralyzed incompetent sheriff. Regina sighed and he decided to send a text to his daughter and call both kids back. After all, his little girl was right, that was a fucking unforgettable breakfast indeed.

* * *

"So, what do you want with my mom?" A skeptical Henry asked a stranger girl who looked to be on her twenties and something. The girl smiled in return and just shrugged her shoulders. Yes, he knew he said they were not going to get far from Granny's, but every little hiding spot were already used and they couldn't keep playing in the same place all over again, it wasn't funny. So yeah, he may have had disobeyed his brunette mom, but they did nothing wrong. And that stuff about talking to strangers, the girl that came to them and asked if they knew where she could find Regina. But he was a very smart kid and wouldn't say stuff before he knew for sure if they could trust the visitor or not. He was a prince and he had to protect his town and his mom, after all.

"We are friends." He narrowed his eyes. Yeah, the girl didn't look evil, but appearances were deceiving, right? Or it was something along those lines, he couldn't remember for sure.

"Are you evil, too?" He may be young, but he wasn't naïve. Of course he knew his brunette mom did some nasty stuff to people, he used to judge her since he read his fairytale book (and he honestly just changed his mind after Archie's fiasco and some movie he watched behind his grandma's back - it was kinda violent - that was when he knew his mom wasn't all bad 'cause she was like a drug addicted, but only she wasn't addicted to drugs, she was addicted to evil, so she needed his help to change. Like the drugged guys needed help to quit that stuff. So if they could get out of that drug life, his mom could get out of evil too, right?), so he was honestly torn between two possibilities: or the stranger was as evil as his mom and they were going to be evil together, or his mom screwed her over and she was seeking revenge. Neither one of them looked good enough though.

"I'm not evil, kid, I'm just a person like anyone else. But I need your mother's help to find my real parents." Oh! That made total sense! The girl was Emma's friend and knew he was adopted by Regina and she wanted his blonde mom to help her find her folks! He looked at Grace and she gave him a big smile and a nod. They would help this girl! They were doing good. "Can you guys help me?"

"Of course! Come with us! My daddy just texted me and he want us back to have breakfast anyway, you could sit with us, right?" Grace said and Henry smiled. The red-head gave them a smile in return.

"Okay, all you have to do is lead the way!" Their new friend said and the two of them happily trotted back at the diner with the mysterious right behind them.

* * *

Ruby was proud of herself. In twenty-eight years, she never made pancakes as fast as that day. It was like a Guinness record or something. So before Regina and Jefferson (well, maybe Emma was right and they were an item. She would really feel bad for her blonde friend if that was the case) could seek revenge and torn her grandma's kitchen apart, she rushed with their orders and smiled at the… couple? Were they really? They didn't look like a couple and didn't smell like one too, maybe they were just friends. But then again, since when Regina had any friend?

Well, that looked like an interesting story and she would dig it to the end of the world. For her best friend, right? 'Cause the woman she loved, liked, wanted to fuck, or anything wasn't allowed to break her friend's heart. No matter her situation with Belle, Ruby was going to set things right between the Queen and the Swan. Queen Swan? Nah, Emma was a lot of stuff, but regal was not one of those. Swan Queen? Maybe… It sounded a little more-

"Hey, thank you, Miss Lucas." Jefferson said and she smiled in return, but honestly her eyes were on a trapped sheriff who refused to acknowledge anything going on around her and had her eyes fixed at Regina's back.

Rumple was talking to the freak guy who still had his eyes on her best friend. Same could be said about August who was answering M&M's questions, but just looked at Emma, as if he was under a spell. Speaking of spells, Regina too was looking at the blonde from the corner of her eyes. The hell she lost? Ruby took a glance at the sheriff and saw the woman taking a deep breath and smiling a nervous smile. Oh fuck, was she really going to make her move right-

"Hey, mom! Look who we found!" Before the Savior could do whatever she was about to, her son's voice came through the whole diner like a wedding bell and she grimaced, probably thinking she lost her chance. Ruby sighed. These two women were so insufferable that she was honestly thinking about chaining them together and let them figure out their shit alone (of course, after doing that, she would run as fast as her wolfish legs could carry her 'cause there would be no surviving for her once they figured her plan out).

Anyway, before she started with her operation's phase, she looked at both kid's moms to know exactly who he was talking to. A glance at Emma answered her question. That time, Henry was talking to Regina. So she stared at the former queen's expression and for the very first time in both realms, Ruby saw Regina scared of something and that twisted her stomach in knots. 'Cause let's face it, if someone as strong as Regina felt fear, than it was better run and hide 'cause shit was about to hit the fan.

Regina and Jefferson got up almost at the same time and that was when Henry noticed his mom's face. Yeah, kid, this is seriously fucked up.

"Children, come over here." Jefferson demanded 'cause, apparently, Regina couldn't find her voice (that was another first) and just breathed a nervous breath. Holly fuck! Who the hell could rend the Evil Queen speechless like that? That was probably what ran over everyone's mind 'cause suddenly that reunion was more interesting than the fight over Em's heart. So the werewolf girl looked at the cause of so much distress.

"Hey, you didn't tell us your name!" Grace said because Henry was still wrapping his mind around the fact that he probably just walked his adoptive mother into a trap (at least the little dude had a conscience. Sometimes…). And Ruby caught herself looking to a young woman, a little younger than Emma, but not by much. The lass wore some black long sleeved shirt and ripped light blue jeans that hugged her legs in a way that should have been illegal. She wore high heeled boots too and black leather jackets just like some of Emma's old ones. She had trouble written all over her face (and that face sported a smug smile that could compete with one of Regina's best ones) and with her 'devil-may-care' demeanor, the girl was more mysterious than the dark side of the moon. But what had everyone else's attention as well was her hair, that fiery red hair could probably be seen from Google Earth.

"I'm Alice." The Attractive Jerk said still smiling. Because yeah, the girl had a different personality (something like Emma, but not as weirder, if that could be possible) and from her posture Ruby could tell that she was bad news (probably seeing how Regina was dealing with everything). "Your father and I used to friends a long time ago." Holly fucking shit! Ruby's eyes got wide when she connected the dots. Was that really possible? "Hello, Jefferson." The Jerk, Alice, said with a forced smile, as if they had bad blood between them (and that was probably the case, the waitress just wanted to know why).

"Alice." He murmured and she opened her mouth to say something, probably some sarcastic rebuttal but thought better of it and just nodded. Bad blood indeed.

That was when her eyes fell upon Regina and she got brighter. Ruby even double-checked that fact because the only person who ever felt happy seeing Regina was Emma (and Henry, when he was little), but even with all her deep-locked love, she never smiled with such happiness as the redhead in front of them was doing. Even the former Evil Queen was surprised with the honest joy emanating from the young woman.

"Regina…" She murmured and the brunette looked at her with curiosity. The girl gave her one last smile and almost ran to her. In fact, she did run to her. "I finally found you." Yes, the crazy redhead whispered that and every single person inside the diner had their mouths open, including the addressed brunette. To everybody's utter mortification, the girl threw her arms around Regina's neck and kissed her like there was no tomorrow (Ruby could even see tongues), taking advantage of the woman's surprise. Nobody said a word seeing the former Evil Queen being tongue-raped by a problematic stranger and suddenly, that view got even more abnormal when Regina raised her arms. If she was trying to hold her, or throw her away, nobody would ever know because in that moment, someone decided to make a life lasting appearance. The fuck is wrong with that Saturday!?

"You get away from her now!" If that gathering from hell wasn't fucked up enough, now it reached a whole new level. Standing at the diner's door was a very distraught and angry Cora, yelling like a madwoman at the kissing duo. Fortunately, that parted the lovebirds and the troublesome redhead turned on her heels to see who was suicidal enough to get between them. Regina, of course, was still perplexed and looked like she just saw the apocalypse and survived.

"Cora!" Yeah, Wonderland Alice had an interesting history with the Queen of Hearts and hell was about to be raised for sure. With only some words and a wave of her hand, the creep girl conjured a sword and took a defensive posture. If Ruby wasn't afraid before, in that moment she shivered with fear. She took a look around the room and everyone was holding their breaths. Everyone except Emma, who was ready to kill the girl who tried to steal _her_ woman. Fucking God! What now?

"It's very exquisite of you to join us, Cora. Would you want to share a table?" That was Rumple, obviously. The witch just looked at him and frowned. In the mean time, the mad redhead turned to look a still stoic Regina and stroked her cheek wearing another smile.

The silence was so deafening that even Leroy was quiet – and that was another first. Henry was protecting Grace (or so he thought he was) and both kids were standing by M&M's side who, for her part, was conveniently silent too. Jefferson had a thinking face and Granny was blinking, probably trying to wake herself up from this nightmare. Anyway, all of that was broke when Alice decided to peck Regina's lips again and all their doom started.

"I forbid you to touch Regina, Alice!" That was Cora, obviously. If it was up to her, Ruby was sure Regina would be virgin forever. The redhead smirked and kissed the brunette statue again. "Miss Swan, will you only watch this outrageous scene? Because I thought that you were better than-" That was all it took to wake Emma from her paralyzed state and she was set into motion. She swung a punch at Alice's mouth and that all but closed the case.

* * *

The following events were all blurry: there were some lights, some swinging swords, a few flying fireballs, some floating furniture, a smiling cat, a rough looking Rumple, a ceiling crumbling down, a lot of yelling – and crying too. A laughing creepy cat talking in riddles, a panting Emma, a very scared Regina being attacked by a murderous looking Rumple, mysterious guy trying to protect a very distraught savior who was trying to save a now smiling Regina. People running away and dragging everyone out of the diner. A fucking thunder exploding the fucking kitchen. A very brave Jefferson being electrocuted and falling in front of a skeptical Regina. The fucking cat was still laughing, son of a bitch! A very angry Rumple trying to take Regina's heart out. A hurt Ruby trying to shift into her wolf form to save an enraged Emma who was trying to kill her ex-boyfriend's father. A wild Cora invoking every Earth elements before Rumplestiltskin could smash her daughter's heart. A crazy Emma stealing Alice's sword to shoot it at Rumple's leg who managed to dodge the attack, but fell with Regina's heart. A falling ceiling. A yelling Alice. A killer Rumplestiltskin. A passed out Ruby. A knocked out Neal. A space-travelling Alice. A purring cat. A whimpering Regina. Everyone in another place – nobody giving a flying fuck. A yelling Regina. A victorious Rumple squeezing a heart. A sobbing Cora.

"Don't you dare to kill your own daughter, Rumplestiltskin!" And there was silence. Only silence.

"A family reunion at Wonderland. That's purrrfect." And a smiling – and now talking – cat.

A destroyed Wonderland. A crazed Alice throwing spells at the freaking skies. A trembling Jefferson. A waking up Ruby. A mortified Rumplestiltskin. A crying Cora. A cursing Emma. A murmuring and still heartless Regina. A falling heart being saved by the savior – oh, well.

"How could you…?" A crying Rumplestiltskin – and that was new. A very much lost Lost Boy looking around.

"What the fuck is this shit about?" A still very enraged – and rude – Emma Swan who put Regina's heart back at its place and hugged the defeated woman as if she could vanish while she threw nasty glares at everyone involved – except for the brunette in her arms, obviously.

"Well, I would like to welcome you all to my home. Do not mind the mess." The stupid cat.

"Shut the fuck up! I wasn't talking to you, fucker!" Emma Swan's colorful insults were self-explaining enough.

"No need to be so crude, Miss Swan." A panting Regina not trying to get away from the octopus-like embrace she was in.

"Well, if this is called Wonderland, I don't want to see what hell will look like." An amazed Ruby looking around like she was suddenly transported to some God of War battle scenarios – perhaps, she was. The place was fifty shades of grey. The bigger river – in which Regina's heart almost fell if wasn't for Emma – was all but black; the grass was always greener on the other side 'cause were they were, it was pretty much grey. The mountains were high – and also grey. The trees were dead – and still grey. Only the sky had a different color, it was an angry red. And there was a destroyed castle – much like everything around there – at the top of the mountain. "Holly hell, it looks like shit." And it really did.

"Are you feeling better?" A careful Emma asked her still powerless queen – not that she minded, 'cause she was loving every second of holding the brunette. Said woman whimpered and nodded, still not trying to get away from the unbearable blonde. In fact, she laid her head in the abhorrent savior's shoulder. Just because she was weak from the battle. Obviously. Everything else was hold in statics.

Cora and Rumple were mentally talking – or just looking at each other. Lost Boy was lost puppy gazing at Emma's direction – not that she noticed with all the sniffling she was doing to Regina's hair. Jefferson was approaching a catatonic Alice with Ruby by his side – better be safe than sorry – but the girl looked as lost as Rumple's son.

"Now that we are all past the amusement of our late reunion, it's time to go straight to our business." The cat purred from the top of a tree. Or something that was a tree someday – or centuries ago. Everyone but a catatonic Alice glared at him. And Lost Boy who was still staring at his lost lover.

"Or what?" Ruby asked with fury and the Mad Hatter trembled beside her. That was not a good question to ask the fucker. Not good at all. Rumple nodded at a tearstained Cora and turned his eyes at the talkative cat. In another life, the monster would probably be Snow White's friend – that woman really had a thing to babbler her mouth to animals (as well). Cora gulped in fear. Emma was pretending to search for injuries on Regina's head, when in fact she was just giving small pecks at the woman's scalp. Her hostage was also pretending to have a headache while she convinced herself that there was nothing wrong to be pleased with the bothersome savior's kisses. It was only normal. And Lost Boy was still looking lost.

"Well, I may or may not kill you all." The psycho said still smiling like a wrong Botox injection.

"Oh! Is that so?" The wolf-girl mocked him and her only response was his freeze smile – yes, he and Nicole Kidman had that in common. He nodded and she arched an eyebrow. "Cause I would love to see you try!" The girl challenged, which was not her best move.

"As you wish." The smiling beast closed his eyes and the show begun.

"No, I won't do this! I won't! I refuse!" Jefferson fell on his knees shivering and shouted from the top of his lungs. That caught everyone else's attention. Cora sobbed at the scene – who would have thought? Ruby looked around and saw every kind of flying beast ever known by mankind and her scream could be heard from Storybrooke. Lost Boy saw his Daddy Dearly killing his mother over and over again. Rumple felt his magic vanishing bit by bit and closed his fists to try and keep it.

"Whatever happens, do not listen to your mind. He will use it against you, Miss Swan. Do you hear me?" Not even the annoying blonde's inconvenient kisses could save her from the doom that was happening right before her eyes. Jefferson looked crazy and set his murderous and tearstained eyes at her, throwing himself at the floor in a failed attempt to stop his legs. Regina's wicked mother was crying so hard that it was almost impossible to listen to anything else. Ruby was running in circles very close to the cliff. Rumple was suddenly assaulted by his long lost son who punched him like nothing else mattered in the world. She gave the maddening savior one last glance and a sad smile before she got up to do something. Because for some unknown force she wasn't under Cheshire's control. Fate really had a fucked up sense of humor if he put all Storybrooke's villains together and threw the responsibility of their lives in her hands.

"There's no way in hell!" Frustrating princess jumped after her because she may not have been under the cat's control, but that didn't mean that one of her worst fears was losing the controlling woman (and their spoiled brat). So yeah, there was no way in hell she was about to let that happen and-

"Regina, be careful!" Every organ inside her froze when she saw the runaway hooker yelling at _her _Regina and running her way. Such a bitch! If that trauma wasn't enough, the redhead hoe even dared to hug and kissed _her _Regina forcefully with both hands locked in her lustrous hair and- Oh God! That was how it feels to have your heart ripped of your chest?

"Regina, don't do this!" She whispered to the floor and sobbed alone hugging her body. How could she do this? How… Suddenly she felt a wave of nausea and fear hitting her like a truck. That was how things would always be between them, Regina was going to keep breaking her hear-

"Stop it, please!" A panting Cora yelled and that stopped everything like a pause button. Everything but the magical barrier separating Regina and Alice from everyone. "Don't do this." She whispered but by the look of things, the cat heard just okay.

"Why wouldn't I?" The cat mocked, still wearing his sarcastic smirk. Lost Boy looked at the art he sculpted at his father's face and fell to his knees crying. His daddy kneeled just beside him and hugged the guy who murmured apology after apology. Ruby slowly looked around and saw her monsters long gone, just two feet away from the edge of the cliff. Well, that was a close call. Looking around, she saw her best friend crying her eyes out and punching the ground. She ran to her. Jefferson was taking deep breaths to control himself and when he wrapped his mind around the fact that: one, he controlled his mind well enough and didn't kill his best friend like he was told to. And two, said best friend was crying and trying to break a magical barrier with (an also crying) Alice. So he set his beaten body into motion ran at her. But before he could perform his mastered (not at all) tackle at the duo, a violent surge of electricity launched him several feet from there. What. The. Fuck? "Protective spell, dear friend. You know, a guy like me needs to foresee those mishaps."

"Regina!" The crying slash enraged savior understood that the former Evil Queen was trying to get out of that cage (and wasn't making out with the whore anymore) and made up her mind to set her woman free. Of course she didn't use her blonde brain and just tried the same thing Jefferson did a second before. And had the same failed result.

"Why in hell do you want them together, you fucking creeper?" Ruby asked and if a cat could shrug its shoulders, then that was what he would do. But seeing that he didn't have that option, he just smirked at her.

"They are killing each other right there. You know, just like Romeo and Juliet. I'm a sucker for those tragedy romances!" What a sadistic fucker!

"And what do you fucking want?" Ruby asked after she saw her best friend be fried for the third time after she put the same stunt and threw herself at the magical ward. And Emma was preparing herself to her fourth attempt. Stupid blonde!

"I just want to be free, darling. Like you want to be free from your wolf; Regina wants to be free from her heart; Blondie wants to be free from her responsibilities with everyone; Jefferson wants to be free from his past and my dear Alice wants to escape her mind. We all just want to be free, right, Cora?" He smirked; Cora sneered; Ruby howled; Lost Boy was still looking as lost as ever; Rumple frowned; Jefferson joined Emma in her deadly mission; Regina closed her eyes and Alice fell on her knees. "Will you set us all free, Queen of Hearts?"

"What is wrong, Regina? He told me to find you because you were my True Love and together we would break my curse and I would find my real family. But that's… That's a lie, right?" The Evil Queen smiled sadly at the confused girl. Yes, she couldn't deny that in those crazy hours she grew incredible close to the redhead, she cared about her, she even liked the strange lunatic. How in hell did that happen? Well, better not to know. "I'm sorry. I felt like I was hurting you, is that accurate?" The girl even had a polite vocabulary, contrary to wearisome Miss Swan. Not that it was something difficult, obviously. Regina was almost sure that some monkeys' species had better manners than that nosy creature. Anyway, that was beside the point. She nodded to Alice.

"Yes, Alice, I was losing my magic. And when it happens to people like us, it does hurt. I bet it hurt you too, am I right?" Better be honest. The girl nodded very guilty and bit her lip.

"I'm sorry, Regina…" She whispered and the brunette nodded again – she was tired too tired to answer. "May I kiss you one last time?" Before she could open her mouth to reply, there was the girl diving at her mouth again. Well, a kiss of death. Far away from there she heard a chorus of 'no's'. And that was that.

* * *

"Please, let my daughters go…" Wicked bitch sobbed from the floor and the creepy fucker smiled in victory. Already feeling his curse being lifted. Fuck fucked fuckery! Jefferson looked at Ruby and the wolf-girl nodded back at him. Yeah, they were so doing it! His plan was pretty simple, if the inopportune Miss Swan couldn't break the spell alone, so they were going to help – with their bodies! It sounded kinda dirty, but he already used his body to some unspeakable stuff, so that was all covered. At the same time, both of them rushed and jumped at the duo that was sadly looking at each other and probably kissing their lives goodbye.

Suddenly, magic involved everyone and everything. The obtrusive savior jumped just in time with them when the magical barrier disappeared and she fell upon Regina and both women faced the floor. Alice looked around to see all of them back at their world she was in earlier. But before she could say something, two bodies violently collided with her – Jefferson and wolf-girl. They got it! He sat down a little disoriented only to see Rumple hugging Cora (weren't they the most lovable couple?) and Lost Lover looking around all that strange stuff happening. Nobody could blame the guy.

"Hey, I got you!" Emma whispered at his best friend's ear (or so she thought, 'cause Jefferson was pretty sure Wicked Mom and Dark Daddy Dear heard it alright) and gave her a few kisses on her cheek, throat and lips. Probably to claim the woman or to rub it in Alice's face (the poor girl already had so fucking much on her plate). After that, she put her deadly hands on Regina's forehead, definitely pretending to be checking her injuries. The bombshell dyke.

And knowing the slow blonde like he unfortunately did, Jefferson was sure that she didn't check the fact that the former Evil Queen wasn't breathing and she was probably dead. He meant 'was' because with the train wreck's shameful kisses, the color returned to his best friend's face and she came back from the dead. Thankfully, Regina opened her eyes to see a smiling nightmare and frowned to her surroundings. Yes, she knew she died and yes, she also knew that she owned her life to the clumsy blonde because well, she rose from the dead with the woman dirty mouth. He sighed and looked at a smiling Ruby – she also knew that.

"I knew it!" Wolf-girl gave him a wolfish grin and he sighed. What a soap opera. At his side, Alice was breathing deep and facing her hands looking all kinds of lost. He guessed that looking lost was the new trend. But he was trying to be a better man, so he hugged the lost redhead who was suddenly sobbing.

"Hey there, Your Majesty!" The scary woman smiled which made him turn his head and he arched his eyebrows at the waitress and at a jealous/happy Alice. Not even satisfied, she took Regina in her scratched arms and sat the woman on her lap like an infant. The woman rolled her eyes but that was all. Somehow Jefferson was almost sure she had enough energy to wreck the world again (and that also meant standing on her own) 'cause that was the stuff about True Love kisses, it was a bunch of energy. Not that the duo entertained that lane (Regina because she would rather die than confess having any feeling for the immoral savior and the blonde because she was that brainless), of course. But this True Love crap was the only explanation he could give after seeing the wrecked sheriff be fried countless times and still having energy to put Regina on her lap and hug her like a teddy bear. It could only mean that Regina didn't want to let go of the delinquent woman either. "I was worried, you know? Henry would-" He sighed. Yes, the lumbering jackass was as stupid as a door and as blind as Lady Justice. Thank God Regina pecked her to shut that fucking mouth up. Anyway, he should be asking Regina some advices; it was amazing how she managed to kiss two different women in less than thirty minutes. Okay, she died kissing Alice, but infidelity was a sin. Not that she had any kind of-

"Oh! It's so good to be standing again! This crawling didn't do any good to my back, you know?" That deep voice caught everyone's attention and he turned his head to look at a standing and smiling and very much fucking frightening Merlin. "Did you miss me, my dear?" Regina's eyes snapped at his fearful ones and he audibly gulped, begging that this wouldn't be his last day on Earth. There were so many things he still had to settle with Grace and maybe even Kathryn. No, no Kathryn for him, she just went back to her good boy-toy Freddie. You know what? Maybe dying wouldn't be that bad, after all…

"Let her out of it, Merlin!" Fucking Cora was fucking threatening fucking Merlin and he probably had a concussion or all those electrical currents melted his brain cells. Or he was as mad as people called him anyway. "I did my part of the bargain, now you let Alice go." Said girl looked from him to Regina and the brunette stood up, leaving a pouting blonde to curse quietly. Seeing his best friend's intention, Jefferson did the same (he vowed to protect the queen and so he would) and stood by her side.

"So what, Cora? I let both of you go and then what? You expect me to just forgive you right of the bat? Because, darling, it won't be happening anytime soon." Creep former cat said with a very crossed expression. And the thing about seeing the most powerful wizard in flesh and hate was a sigh that got even Darker Fucker quiet. Jefferson couldn't know for sure, but he guessed that the only person who wouldn't have kept her stupid mouth shut was Black Hole Mouthed idiot, the only one stupid enough to-

"Well, now you're free so get the fuck away from us." Even the trees glared at the fucking unbelievable savior. What the fuck is wrong with that woman? Regina looked skeptical, Ruby was about to tackle her down and he was whishing hard for some magic cotton to shove inside the woman's mouth. However, the wizard just smiled at her – probably thinking she had some mental disability – which she honestly had. While all of them decided what to do to keep that lunatic blonde shut, Alice narrowed her eyes and walked right to her death (and to her former friend, or whatever that fucker was).

"How could you do this to me?" The redhead whispered and all of them decided to drop their nasty glares at the stupid blonde and looked at her. "I thought we were friends…" The ruthless man looked ashamed and closed his fists. "You were the only one I've ever had and you said you would protect me. What was that? Some sick joke?" She asked and he didn't answer. Regina tried to go to her but was stopped by a hand around her wrist and a sad and betrayed looking savior. "Answer me, Cheshire! You owe me that!" The girl was yelling as loud as Celine Dion and Jefferson's feet decided to go to her. "Your name isn't Cheshire, is it?" The wizard shook his head and she sighed defeated for a moment. Jefferson tried to put his hand on the girl's shoulder but was a second late seeing that she swung her fist right into Merlin's face. Holy. Fucking. Hell. "Fuck you!" No, _they _would be the fucked ones, that's for sure.

"Alice, we need to-" Cora tried to say that punching Merlin was probably the most suicidal thing in the book, but the redhead would have none of it.

"No, fuck you too! You spent your fucking life trying to kill me and hating my guts, so don't you dare to say some shit now!" The girl was seething and surprisingly enough the fucked up wizard and the bitch witch were looking guilty. Jefferson looked around for some camera or any stuff like that to assure him that this was a joke, but found none. Rumple was looking curious standing beside his mute son. Cora looked in physical pain. Regina and idiot blonde were still having a stare battle and Werewolf-Cutie came walking to stand next to Alice. "You won, Cora! I don't have a family, I don't have a home, I don't have Wonderland and I don't have Regina." At that, the whore and the former cat took a deep and nervous breath. "So congratulations to the two of you, I have nothing now! We must have a ball to celebrate it, don't you think? Let's toast to fucking Alice, the one without parents, home, family and love." Daringly, she seethed and paced in front of the ashamed (and still terrifying) wizard. Which was good, as long as he was only ashamed, he wouldn't be angry or murderous. So small victories. "Congratulations to you too, whatever the fuck you are! Such a good actor, weren't you? I can't even count the years that you fooled 'cause I can't even tell you my fucking age, seeing that I don't even know it! You deserve an Oscar, you know that, right?" She was spitting at Merlin's face and Regina woke up from the blasted savior's spell to help the girl she was also kissing some minutes ago. She put her arm around Alice's waist. Come on! Who would still hug the person who kissed you to death? Evil his ass! His brunette friend was a very nice woman. "Well, Cora, at least your daughter has a fucking heart unlike you. But you know what? Between the stunts the two of you pulled, I still would choose you." At that, the fucker raised his head looking as insulted as human possible. "You didn't play me, you hated my guts since the beginning. I'll give you that! And I understand why you didn't want me with your daughter, who would, right?" Cora looked distraught between Alice and Regina who was still gently holding the girl's waist. Jefferson tried not to look at the infamous savior, it would do nobody no good. The girl took a breath and eased her body into Regina's arms. Yep, definitely crazy! Doing that in front of Heartless Bitch and Creepy Fucker and being observed by the nasty possessive blonde was a death wish. At least the former duo just looked so uncomfortable that one would think both women were fucking each other right in front of them.

"I'm sorry, darling, you two just can't be-" Cora tried but her daughter raised her hand to stop her.

"Why is that?" Regina asked holding a trembling Alice and her eyes got stormy and yellow- oh fuck!

"Because she is your sister, Regina. I'm her mother." Holy. Fucking. Hell!

"What?" Alice turned so fast in Regina's embrace that it was a blessing seeing that she still had her head upon her shoulders. Silence embraced everyone. That shit was fucked up. Jefferson looked around and the unholy whore looked embarrassed, Regina pulled the girl back at her arms and looked downright murderous, Alice looked as lost as Rumple's lost son, Ruby's mouth was as open as if she was seeing a dentist and the blonde tornado came rushing to the scene now that she knew her Evil Queen was well, as regal as she was hers. He could guess she was smiling, but she would be the only one. Even the Dark Fucking Creeper was looking enraged and betrayed. "You have got to be fucki-"

"She is telling you the truth, Alice." Sadistic fucker said and looked deeply embarrassed at her as well. Regina narrowed her eyes at him and hugged the girl even more tightly, looking even more frightening and gritting her teeth at his face. Dearly heavens! "And I'm-"

"You just shut your mouth, Merlin." That was Regina freaking everyone out with her sneer.

"You don't tell me what to do, Regina, I could end you now if-" He started to threat her. To no avail.

"Oh, but you wouldn't fucking dare!" Always polite, the cursed blonde made her appearance and took a defensive position. The scene would be comical if it weren't so scary. Seeing the wretched savior defend the Evil Queen who cursed everyone because of her family and was still holding a sister she was having not so sisterly kissing some minutes ago was very much fucked up. And the wizard held his hand to finally finish that hellish day. But Cora, once again, interrupted his plans.

"If you do this, you will hurt your daughter, Merlin." She sneered like a snake and the addressed man closed his eyes and sighed. Oh well…

"The fuck are you talking about?" That was wolf-girl looking to the three women like she was trying to pick a cake. What the fuck was Evil Bitch talking about? The fucker couldn't be Regina's father because that was Mister Dark Freak (seriously, that shit was getting nasty); he couldn't even be the moron blonde's father because that was the retard fake prince. And if he was Alice's father… Well, then the girl would need a life-lasting therapy with the Cricket because it was going to be too screwed to measure-

"I'm sorry, Alice." He whispered and looked down. Oh fuck! Jefferson looked at Regina who looked at Emma who looked at Ruby who looked at Alice who was just looking lost. "I didn't want you to find it like that but I am, indeed, your father." Fucking fucked fuck. The girl looked disgusted and everyone held their breaths. That was a Star Wars worth scene. Of course in the film series, the bad guy was the one who said the most important 'I am your father' sentence since the DNA exam and his son was the good guy. And Merlin couldn't be considered exactly a guy and Alice wasn't exactly good, but still. George Lucas' masterpiece had starships' explosion in the vacuum, which was kinda impossible, so the film was the wrong one.

Anyway, before they all could have a family tea, the former orphan (and Jefferson could tell that if the girl knew how much would suck to meet her real parents, she would choose to live her life alone every time) narrowed her eyes at the heartless witch (who was also a whore) and the fucker (who was also a manipulative son of a motherfucking bitch) and closed both her fists while a lone tear fell from her eyes. Regina also looked so crushed that Jefferson was positive it was Alice's emotions she was feeling. Or maybe she was still digesting the information about her ever fucked family tree.

On the bright side, even the damned blonde had her blasted mouth shut because, honestly, nobody had a thing to say and 'sorry' would change nothing when both women's fathers screwed their lives. Not when Dark Son of Bitch used Regina's vulnerability to enact a curse he created just because he was a moping coward who wanted to find his also moping Lost Son; and Crazy Fucker Wizard destroyed his daughter just to be human again. And not to forget their mother, who was a whorish horrible and megalomaniac bitch and tied her older daughter to a loveless marriage after killing her lover and, after being shoved to another land by said daughter, she spent the rest of her life antagonizing her younger offspring and tried with everything she had to keep her away from Wonderland. _That _can be called evil; the rest is a piece of cake.

And the redhead whispered something that Jefferson would rather never know. Regina also closed her eyes and tightened her grip on the girl, probably foreseeing what Alice was about to do. With that, she opened her warm honey eyes and smiled at him and winked at the freaking Swan before disappearing in the air with her younger sister.

That was what it took to bring Cora to her knees (motherly love and all that), make the most powerful wizard destroy some trees in a rage (with an unknown spell), leave Rumple speechless as much as Ruby and make the stupid sheriff narrow her eyes at some innocent rock, looking rather lost. And Jefferson was still trying to wrap his mind around that fateful Saturday noon.

So the summary of their fucking disgrace: Regina found out that the Dark Fucked up One was her father, Alice fell in love with her (or so it appeared) even when the brunette was deeply into the annoyance of a knight, who had her spoiled brat of a son with Regina's Dark Dad Dearly another son (which made Regina also the brat's aunt) and the wreck of a woman kinda had an affair with Walking Tree Boy. Cora lifted the Fucker's curse saying that she was Alice's mommy, which made Regina's and the redheads relationship all kinds of creepy (and also explained why they almost killed each other when they were making out – being a lesbian was enough of a sin, now groping your own sister was downright deranged). Of course, the Fucker (who was honestly Merlin, the most powerful wizard they ever had the misfortune of crossing) couldn't let Wicked Bitch win, so he spitted that he was Alice's father too (someone should ask for a DNA exam, you can never trust those three motherfuckers), 'cause let's face it, how could it get any worse? But it did when both unloved sisters decided to vanish and wreck their havoc somewhere else 'cause they had nothing to fucking lose. This left the repulsive savior all angry and alone and a step from screwing what was left of the trees the fucker decided to spare. Lost Boy lost her lover to his long lost sister and still didn't know he had a son who he also lost to the same sister. Dark Weirdo Father didn't know what to do with the information that now he had two children who loved the same woman. And Darth-Father was on his knees trying to think where he went wrong and lost his only daughter (Jefferson had a few views to share but decided to let the creeper suffer alone). And Ruby was creepily sniffling the air like a coke-head and, once again, Jefferson decided to keep it to himself.

"No matter what, I promise I will find you, Regina." The nuisance said with conviction and everyone almost gagged in disgust.

"Don't you dare start with this fuckery, Emma! One stalker Charming is enough. Thank you very much." Ruby snarled and all of them nodded their heads looking quite shocked and disgusted at the same time.

"Okay, what now?" Lost Lover said and some of them shrugged their shoulders. She-Wolf looked at a frazzled Bitch Witch who closed her eyes and inhaled deep. Darth-Fucker decided that the forest was screwed up enough and raised his chin with something on his twisted mind. The mentally challenged savior narrowed her eyes and closed her fists and Darker Creeper crossed his arms trying to figure something out. That was when everyone seemed to make up their minds and they snapped their heads at Jefferson's direction at the same time. Wolf-girl smirked at him; crazy Swan looked as murderous as ever at his face; the Fucker gave him a crooked smile; the Creeper narrowed his eyes; Wicked Whore arched her eyebrow and Lost Guy looked questionably at him. Oh well. There they go.

"You give us a hat and we do the rest, Jefferson." Evil Mommy Darling said with conviction and everyone nodded their agreements. Of course, he just gulped audibly. How come in less than a week he went from working with Regina to create a hat to lock Darker Freak and Twisted Bitch in another realm to trying to woo Alice to have the girl by their side when Merlin decided to come to their town crashing like a thunder to finally be harassed by the Creeper, the Fucker, the Whore and the Nuisance to chase the Evil Queen down?

Now it was up to him to create a new hat and chase his best friend to the fucking end of the universe if it was even possible. The funny part was that they would have to work together to find any answer and they couldn't even look at each other: Rumple was enraged at Cora, maybe jealous too; Cora was almost beheading Merlin who was sneering at Emma who was cursing everyone and their mothers; so the only ones who were honestly calm enough to think were Lost Lover, Wolf-baby and he and the other thing they had in common was their preference for a trip to hell than working together.

Well, Jefferson was sure he didn't sign up for that shit.

_'The feelings got lost in my lungs. They're burning, I'd rather be numb and there's no one else to blame. So scared I take off and run. I'm flying too close to the sun and I burst into flames.'_

* * *

**A/N:** First, thank you all for reading reviewing and I'm sorry for taking my sweet time. If you're still up for the ride, the next one is already half written. Also I'd like to thank ** miss. giggles. 911** 'cause she lost her time reading and editing everything. =]

It's kind long and maybe messy because there are three chapters together here. And Regina and Emma's POVs will be back the next one.

Anyway, your misery is coming to an end 'cause there are three chapters left (maybe four, but that's unlikely). I was planning a sequel ('cause it would be a trilogy and all that), but I'm not exactly sure about it, so let me know what you think.

Have a nice week(end), guys, and feel free to ask question, coment or to flame this stuff, I'm not exactly demanding. Xoxo.


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